Engagement before living together?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I hate to say it, but I’m a realist…I think it’s fine, since an engagement is easier to end than a marriage. As long as you live together before actually getting married, I don’t think it’s strange. I’d never marry someone I haven’t lived with. 

Post # 4
Member
8592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d like to have lived together first, but if it’s not an option I’d get engaged but probably make sure we lived together before getting married.

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My fiance and I are long-distance right now and praying that he’ll find a job in my city before the wedding in 3.5 months. We got engaged without living together, and we never planned to live together before getting married. But with this little time before the wedding, if he moves here by then we will go ahead and move in together (no point in paying separate rents for such a short period of time!).

We got engaged on our sixth anniversary, so we feel pretty secure in our relationship and our ability to get along in the same space. I’m sure there will be an adjustment period, but I’m not too concerned.

 

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is very personal choice, so do what feels right to you and your SO. For me, I would never get engaged to someone I hadn’t lived with. I’m of the opinion that you don’t truly know someone until you live with them. I don’t care how many conversations you’ve had about living together.

Post # 7
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i was engaged for a few months before we moved in together. we were long distance, and he moved here to be with me during the summer. we got “unofficially” engaged in april, officially engaged in may, he moved here in late june. it just worked out that way. it’s been a year since we moved in together. we’re still adjusting. but hey, it works for us. we will have had a 29 month engagement by our wedding. i think having lived together for 27-ish of those months, we’ll be all set for being married.

i agree with kes18 about living together before marriage, though. i think it’s SUPER important to know whether you’re compatible, living wise. some people can’t live together, and they don’t find out in time. so i think you should live together before marriage. but that’s just my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@PoppyRose:  My personal opinion about it is that it’s fine to get engaged before living together. For me personally I would not get married without living together. I did that once. I do not recommend it. Some people don’t live together before the wedding and it works out fine. But I think they’re just lucky. Engagements are not written in stone. If it your feelings change you can get out of it without legal papers and a judge’s decision. But again, as far as being engaged before marriage, that doesn’t seem crazy to me. Engagement is just a higher level of committment than dating IMO.

 

Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s not weird! 

Once you know, you know. 

Couples move at different rates and living together can certainly accelerate the getting to know each other reaaaaaalllly well process- but there’s no magic formula, there are lots of ways to arrive at that same point and it may be that you are absolutely at that point where you need to go ahead and get engaged already without needing that step 🙂 

I do think it is a good idea to live together before marriage, and you seem to have all that covered. 

Do it!

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d probably wait to get engaged until after I lived with her.  You don’t really get to know someone until you live with them. Living side by side could really alter your relationship for better or worse.

Let’s face it, if we can’t live together, there’s no way we’re going to survive marriage.

Post # 11
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t live with someone before being married – personal, not religious, reasons.

Post # 13
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

me and my so will be getting engaged…living together for a year..and then getting married..

 

I dont see anythign wrong with it. He owns his own house now, I know exactly how he is in regards to money, taking care of bills, cleanliness, chores…I also spend lots of time with him..i see him every day…sleep over etc… every situation is different

Post # 14
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I find it so weird that this is the 2nd thread asking this question…It’s what was done for how many centuries?? FI and I have been together for 7 years and we most likely won’t live together until a few months before the wedding…We’ve been engaged for a year. Most of my friends and I are in the camp of not moving in together until there’s a ring on your finger…I’d never hear the end of it from my old school family if we lived together before we were ever engaged! I’d never want to feel like I was acting like a wife without the proper credentials ahaha ETA-although my family is traditional in a lot of ways, FI and I are secular, and religion plays no role in our decision.

 

Post # 16
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

While he stayed over at my house plenty of times, he’d never sleep over for more than a few nights at a time over our relationship.  As soon as we got back from vacation when we got engaged, it was just kind of known that he was staying there for good.  So it was something we discussed, but not extensively and it wasn’t a huge issue.  But we didn’t officially live together until after the engagement. 

I feel like with 7 years together, there haven’t been any surprises about him, but just general how to live with someone else all up in your space learnings. 

It sounds like what you’re doing will make sense for you, I wouldn’t sweat it too much!

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