- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Hello ladies! First time poster here.
My fiancee and I have been together for almost 7 years, and about a year ago, I just felt this real urge to get married to him. I didn’t care about the wedding or any of those details; I just wanted to live with him and be with him for the rest of my life. We are both Hispanic Catholics, and our families are traditional so living together wasn’t an option. I started pushing, because we are very honest with each other, and he just kept reassuring me while taking forever. Then all of a sudden, after I said we would spend less time together, he started saying he was ready and about two months after that, he proposed.
The night he proposed, I thought he would do it about four times before that, so I had set myself up for disappointment so many times, that night i was already upset before we left to see the show. I told him I had had enough, and that it was time we part ways. Lo and behold, he took me to a beautiful spot in town and proposed there.
The problem is that I think the pushing and the circumstances of the proposal, and the ring, have started to make me feel differently about the whole thing. His proposal was so traditional (dinner, ballet show, and then propose at a pretty spot), but I told him so many times I don’t want something fancy and traditional. I really envisioned a picnic. The spot he took me to had some construction stuff going on that he didn’t know about, and some random guy walked past us while it was happening. All of that combined with the fight make me think the evening was more of a loss for me.
Also, the ring is not what I had hoped for at all. I’m not traditional, and for years I said when he proposed, don’t worry about a diamond, get me something blue. Of course the ring is a diamond. It’s just forgettable to me. It’s beautiful, the diamond is lovely, but it’s not me at all. He really put a lot of thought into it, which worries me as well. I don’t know how he could be so far from who I am.
All of these feelings made the first few weeks after he proposed really troublesome. I know there is love for him, but sometimes I had to say to myself, “You love him, you just can’t feel it right now.” Also, when we kiss now, I sometimes don’t feel anything and I’m trying so hard that it just makes it worse. He is the most wonderful person I have ever met, I don’t want someone else and I hope this is all just jitters about such a big decision, but I am scared the pushing ruined what we could have had. I can’t picture our life together anymore. When I do, it’s nice but doesn’t send a spark through me like it used to. Help please, I need reassurance that this happens to people and just goes away. I’m so scared of making the wrong choice that will ruin everything.