posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I kind of know how you are feeling.  My husband used to always take his family’s side in every disagreement that I had with them.  He would always tell them it was my fault and I will get over it.  I just needed time.  I felt like that he wasn’t supportive of me.  And it hurt.  It put a big burden on my marriage.  And the only reason that I stayed with him at that point was because we were married and I was 8 months pregnant.  I thought that I should work it out for our future daughters sake.

You fiancee is living in her mothers life.  She is a puppet and doesn’t want to let her down.  You sound like an amazing guy because you are trying to tell her that you are there to help her achieve her goals.  and that is what you should be doing.  

I think she is worrying too much about making her mom and her family happy.  And it shouldn’t be like that at all.  Her family should be supporting her and allowing her to make her own decisions.

By the time I moved in with my Darling Husband I only knew him for 4 months and he lived 27 hour drive away.  My parents hated the fact that I decided to move it with him and they thought that I was making a big mistake.  They tried to talk me into staying with them until I least started and finished college.  But I knew what I wanted.  So against their wishes I moved in with him, and they didn’t love me any less.

You need to really sit down and think what you want.  Do you want to continue to be in a relationship with someone who will put their relationship on the backburner?  Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who will put her family before you?  How long are you willing to wait for her?

I think it might be a good idea for you too try and have a serious converstation with her to try and find out where she sees the relationship going.  Ask her for a year that she would like to get married.  If she doesn’t want to answer the questions, or if you don’t like the answers then it will be time to walk.  To me it doesn’t really sound like she is ready to commit to a relationship.

Post # 5
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What are her long-term plans? She wants to work abroad… does that mean she would possibly want to settle out of the country also? Maybe she’s worried about having a long-distance relationship? About things changing for her or you while you are apart, and regretting the marriage? Are you planning on traveling abroad with her?

I guess talk to her as pp’s said, and find out what SHE wants for herself vs. what everyone else wants for her. It does sound like maybe at this point she is afraid to committ, like she does have a plan for herself and marriage just isn’t part of it right now. Ask yourself if you’re willing to wait for her without marriage, or if that is something you do want now, or soon, if you’re willing to leave her to find it with another girl.

Best wishes!

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