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I can totally relate, and all I can say is that a relationship is work. Some people have natural romance, and some people need a little push. I have seen that when I make an active effort to be more romantic, my FI definitely reciprocates. When I am less affectionate, he follows suit then too.
A relationship, regardless of length, will always have its ebb and flow...
I think just as there are periods or stages in your relationship pre-engagement, there are stages in engagements. Eventually that "newness" wears off.. after everyone stops commenting on the new ring on your finger and stops asking "When's the date??". And the stress of planning on top of that takes that newness stage into a serious planning stage.
You will continue to experience new relationship stages throughout your married life together and this is a sort of dress rehearsal. Think about how your relationship will change after your honeymoon is over, all the thank-yous have been written, and all of your new gifts are unpackaged. After all this excitement and anticipation, you transition into just being a husband and wife, dealing with day-to-day stress rather than wedding planning.
Some women actually deal with a short bout of depression post-wedding (think post-partum depression, but for newlyweds instead of new parents).It is just your body's way of adjusting back into normal life after the high-intensity emotions you experienced over a period of a year or more. Being conscious of the relational changes you will experience can help you emotionally prepare for the changes ahead.
Thanks :) I knew that our relationship would change and would morphe into a "calmer" relationship (for lack of better word). And usually I LOVE it. I still get excited when I see his car in the driveway and know that he's home, or when we stay in bed until 1pm on Sundays watching bad television. I just wish we had date nights every once in a while - which is something we've cut out to save for the wedding.
I agree with what everyone is saying...
But just b/c you cut out the expenses to go out for a date night doesn't mean that you can't have a date night in. One night, surprise him when he gets home for a nice, candlelit dinner and just enjoy each other's company during it. Don't talk about anything but just how much you guys love each other and make it very sappy. I'm all for the sweet, lovey dovey talk and being all over each other. Watch an old dvd or put some music on and dance with each other. Or play cards or a board game. You can think of things to do at home with each other that is free to still fall more and more in love with each other.
Always change up your "normal routine". Be creative with the little bit of time that you have with each other when you're not planning the wedding, and working, and doing life. Get back to the basics of just loving each other (:
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I get that sometimes, especially now with our wedding coming up so soon... I be sure to set aside time to talk about other things -- even when the WEDDING is all I can think about -- to have time to just be "us". It is a conscious effort to make time for that, and to relegate wedding/ household talk to specific periods of time.
Good luck, and don't compare your relationship to your friend's. Just be sure you're doing whatever you need to do to be happy with your FI.
mary-alice-me brought up a great point. Set aside time for just the two of you and don't discuss wedding planning. Go for a walk in the park, fly a kite, go rollerblading, pack a picnic lunch. Those seemingly "little" moments are important to reconnect and keep your relationship strong and happy :-). Good luck with all of the planning and hopefully you two will have plenty of time over the next year to spend together connecting over the fun parts of your relationship that are more important than the wedding day itself.
Just rest assured that most of us have experienced similar emotions and it is completely normal!!
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One little piece of assurance I can give you is that our relationship, while good during our engagement, is GREAT after the wedding. The wedding caused us so much stress and was really interfering with our time to just relax and enjoy eachother's company. Our honeymoon period was definitely after the wedding, not before! (Which, in a way, makes sense, right? ;))
Thank you everyone for your comments.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing my relationship to my friends at all... it's just hearing her doing things that my fiance and I used to do made me a bit nostalgic, that's all I was trying to say.
We have tried to have "date-night-in", but it never seems to work out... maybe I'll try again!
Thanks again!
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My fiance and I have been engaged over a year and are getting married in February 2010, just before the two year mark. I love the fact that I am just as much in love with him today as I was 4 years ago, and in that sense, the honeymoon period isn't over yet.
So, last night one of my bridesmaids called me up to tell me she got engaged over the weekend! I AM SOOOOOOOO THRILLED for her. I knew it was going to happen, and they're so great together and it just makes me smile thinking about it!
The reason why this is relevant is because after 20 minutes of getting the story and shreiking, she said she had to go that her now-fiance opened a bottle of champagne and they were going to relax and celebrate together. Well... my fiance and I don't do that anymore - and we used to :-( Now if we're sitting together talking, it's usually about the guest list, or save the dates, or what bills we need to pay.
Has anyone else had this same experience - and what have you done or want to do to keep the engagement honeymoon going?