Engagement Length – Oh, the comments..

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Around here, weddings book up quickly so I feel like a lot of people have 15-month engagements or more. I wanted to get married in October 2013 which would have made our engagement nine months but I figured that was too short. We already had the money saved but wanted plenty of time to plan so we decided on March. 

Boy do I regret that! I wish I only had three months left 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@virgomasala80:  Ours was 6 months.. we got a lot of “are you pregnant” or when i told people at work a couple weeks before the wedding (i didnt feel the need to spread it around) i got “was this a planned, or spur of the moment kind of thing?”

 

we hav been together for 6 years!!! i think it was ok for us to get married just because we love eachother!!!!!!

Post # 6
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would have loved a 6 month engagement, but the venues here book at about 12 months out.  We have an 11 month engagement, and like you, I think it feels long.  But that’s what it takes to get a wedding planned these days.  I guess I’ve been lucky that I don’t get any comments, either way.  People are happy for us and can’t wait to celebrate with us.  I’m sorry you get everyone’s opinions.  They should keep it to themselves and respect the decisions you’ve made.  Congratulations to you!

Post # 7
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@virgomasala80:  We are having an 8 month engagement and I’m so so so so so happy about it.  We don’t have time to freak out- we have just been making decisions and keeping it moving. Truthfully, I would have done it faster if we didn’t have people traveling in. We were ready to hit the courthouse the next day. I couldnt imagine waiting years… we are both so so ready, he’s been calling me his wife for 5 months ha.

Post # 8
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We’re having a 17 month engagement because our preferred venue is already booked from March until October next year. We didn’t want to get married this year or early next year, as we’re moving and both starting new jobs which need all of our attention! We’ve planned most things already so I certainly don’t feel we need a long engagement but I don’t mind that we will! We’re going to be paying for our own wedding and hopefully buying a house next year too so we want to give ourselves plenty of time to save.

The only thing I don’t get about engagements is when people get engaged and don’t actively start planning their wedding (e.g. don’t book a date until they’ve already been engaged for 2 years)! I think that’s when the engagement starts to feel long.

Post # 9
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Ours is just under 6 months. We’re getting a lot of “are you pregnant” questions and when we say no, everyone assumes we’re getting married this quick to have kids right away and they think we must be panicking because of our ages.

I know people who are having 1.5-2 year engagements and people ask them “why so long?” so I think either way someone will find something to comment on.

Post # 10
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so jealous of your engagement length!  It’s perfect for planning – gives you time, but gets you out before planning burnout sets in.  I don’t see why anyone would comment on it being too short – the point was to get married, right?  He didn’t ask you to be engaged, he asked you marry him! 🙂

 

Congrats, and enjoy your time – short and sweet, and then you get to start a new phase!

Post # 11
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@virgomasala80:  Try having a 3.5 year engagement lol; the amount of snide, catty comments I’ve had is unreal! My ideal engagement would have been 18 months, but with me still studying that wasn’t an option. However, I don’t really get why the length of someone’s engagement bothers people so much.. I mean, really? Who cares?! 

Post # 12
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@virgomasala80:  

This is just one of those things where people feel entitled to, pardon my language, run their big fat mouth(s).

Like you, FI proposed about 3-3.5 years into dating. That said, by the time we get married in Dec ’14/Jan ’15, we will have an 18-19 month engagement. (We’re waiting until I finish my Master’s.)

That said, people do the same everywhere. They’ll ask if we’ve set a date, then act incredulous, shocked. I’ve started some discussions with vendors and nearly every one has asked me if I made a mistake when I say 2014/2015 rather than 2013/2014. I even had one vendor tell me that she wouldn’t even talk about booking until six months before the date because “you know, sometimes things happen with couples.”

Not sure where you’re located… I guess we’re just outside the “cultural norms” for our geographic areas?

Post # 13
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@virgomasala80:  we dated for 2 years a 2 months before FI proposed and our engagement is just under 8 months.

i also do not understand long engagements but i know that some people need them.  i pretty much got everything done in the first 4 months.  i couldn’t imagine planning over the course of a year or more.  but 8 months was a perfect amount of time for us, (i could have planned the wedding in less time if needed.)  we got a date that worked well for everyone in a place that both FI and I love. 

but people have specific places they want to book, and they book far in advanced. people want DIY weddings, and it takes time to make everything.                        some brides are young and don’t need to rush the engagement to wedding process. 

not one person commented on my engagement length.  i told FI I was happy with a short engagement because now we are getting married before some couples who got engaged before us.

Post # 14
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@virgomasala80:  If they thought 3 years was a long time to propose, I can’t imagine what they would say about me. My fiance proposed after 8 years. BUT, we met when we were very young (18). So we wanted to get done with school, have good jobs, etc. We also wanted to enjoy our life together. We always knew we would get married someday, so we didn’t rush into anything. We got engaged in Nov 2011 and our wedding is Sept 2013. So it will be a 22 month engagement. This worked for us because anything else would have been too soon and we wouldn’t have had the funds to have the wedding of our dreams. AND on top of that, we needed to save money for an apartment. A lot of people will side eye me, but this is what worked for us. I would rather wait, than to go into a marriage broke.

Post # 15
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

THIS!! Makes me batty. I have been with FI for 6 years, we have lived together for 3 years (bought a house last year together) and all of the comments were “OMG about time” or “what is wrong with him haha! get on the ring!”. It was frustrating, because we shouldn’t have to feel like we needed to justify anythjing. We both went through college during our dating period and couldn’t afford a wedding and also weren’t ready. We both finished school and our priorirty was to purchase a home first. But who wants to explain that over and over agian

Post # 16
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Our engagement is also 8.5 months. We’ve been together for 6 years, three of them long-distance, and we still live in different states (prayerfully not for much longer!). We haven’t really had any comments about the length of our engagement. That might be because my sister got married last year and her engagement was about the same length. My fiance’s sister, who got married five years ago, was also engaged for about the same amount of time. So maybe our families are just used to engagements of that length. But I don’t think we’ve gotten comments from friends, either.

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