(Closed) Engagement length…need reassurance!

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think there are plenty of people that waited 2 years so they could save up.  But they wanted a wedding that required some saving.  Did you do the math to see what you’d actually save in 26 months based on your current level of spending?

To me it’d be too long, but I didn’t plan anything extravangant.  In fact, we planned it ALL in 15 days after being engaged for 15 months.

It’s really you that has to be OK with it, not what others think!

Post # 4
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

By the time FH and I get married we will have been engaged for 42 months. We are waiting for him to finish school and get a better job before we got married, of course, we didn’t think it would take this long when we originally got engaged, but hey, life happens. I just didn’t focus too much on planning with people at first. I got some ideas and ran ideas by people, but only recently have I seriously started planning anything. I look at it like this, I have so much time to fine tune everything. I know a long engagement can be frustrating and I also understand your concern about people being tired of planning that long. If I were your friend, I wouldn’t be bored to tears with you talking about wedding planning, but with every wedding no matter the length of the engagement, you can’t talk about it all the time. 

Post # 5
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That’s how long my engagement will be. I like having the luxury of time to weigh my options, learn more from others’ experiences, and get first dibs when it’s time to book things. Besides, you don’t have to prep the entire time. You can spend a year just being the carefree girl with a gorgeous ring on her finger without also being the stressed-out planning bride. 

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sealevels:  If you want a big, beautiful wedding, 26 months sounds about right for saving up money. My engagement will be about four months long. My fiance and I just want to be legal and married. We will be spending minimally for it.

Your student loan interest might not be that high. Myabe you can just make minimum payments on it until after you are married, and pay all that extra towards having a closer wedding date.

If you will enjoy the planning and being engaged part, however, there is no reason to rush. Have fun with it!

Post # 9
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sealevels:  Well, you might get people like that, but you’ll just have to come up with a cookie cutter response and try not to get all explainy with each person that says something!

 

Something like, “Well the wedding of our dreams is going to take some saving!” And just keep it simple like that.

 

We had a good 5 months of just enjoying being engaged, with no planning!  It was lovely!

Post # 10
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

We are having a 26 month engagement also but not for money reasons, I just liked the date! It goes by fast. Yah, people aren’t overly into it for the first 8 months or so since it is so far away, and some vendors will just brush you off and say come back later. But the first year has gone by very fast already. 

Post # 11
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FI wanted a longer engagement, and at first I was like “Whaaaat?! 2 YEARS?!” But, we’ll actually be engaged for 2 1/2 years before we’re married, and as of right now (9 months in), I feel like it was SUCH a good decision! I’m enjoying having the luxury of being very picky about everything and researching every single vendor until I’m blue in the face. My good friend also got engaged right after me, and she’s having a 2 year engagement also…I think it makes everything easier. Plus, being engaged is fun…why not enjoy it? 😉

Post # 12
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Pinkmoon:  +100 about time flying by before you even know it.

FWIW, I haven’t gotten any negative or even luke-warm comments at all about my long engagement. My friends and family are all excited and supportive, and since we’re all also busy, we can plan and talk about ideas without pressure. It’s not a money thing for me, I’m just happy being engaged and planning at my leisure. 

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

By the time me and my fiancé get married, we’ll have been engaged for 30 months and have been in a relationship for almost 10 years. It is a money issue but I always saw it as another step in the relationship and it’s definitely changed us as a couple, but its changed for the better. I tried to do some wedding planning the first year we were engaged but found that not a lot of vendors would take me seriously because, at that time, it was two years away. So the later part of 2012 was doing nothing wedding related and saving up (although we did do a fun engagement shoot. It involved zombies…). 

Because it was so far away, I didn’t really involve too many people in it except for him (obviously), my mom, and MOH here and there in terms of ideas. Now I know pretty much exactly what I want. I just have to go out, find who can make it true, and put down deposits.

its not a bad thing to be in a long engagement! And anyone who says otherwise, we’ll, they’re just not in your position and don’t see it the way you see it.

Post # 14
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

DH and I were engaged for 3 years before getting married. We didn’t set a date at the beginning of the engagement and didn’t really chose a date until a little less than a year before the wedding. That’s when we saw that the finances would all work out for the wedding. So it’s not like there were 3 years of planning….more like 7 months.

But it didn’t bother us or anyone around us. Although long engagements are pretty common in our country.

Post # 15
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That’s about as long as my engagement. We’re getting married this April and will have been engaged for 25 months and 6 days. In our case it wasn’t because of saving but because we’d only been dating for six months when we got engaged (it was definitely a “when you know, you know” situation), and while we were both positive we wanted to marry each other, we thought it was still best to make sure we’d been together for a couple of years before we married, just to make 100% sure. Happy to say that just months out from the wedding we are more sure of it than ever before.

For us, basically no one has asked about the long engagement. People just ask when the wedding is and we tell them and then they go “okay!” My bridespeople have been excited about planning pretty much the whole way through and since of them the only one who lives in my city is my brother, the long planning time has meant that each holiday when they naturally come into town to see their families we can get some stuff done. The long planning time has also been pretty nice because we can just do one thing a month and get our checklist done without ever being “WEDDING FRENZY OMG!” which would really stress me out (and since we’re just three months out now, I am already getting more stressed out because there are some things like cake and food tastings/decisions and decorations that had to be put off because of venue/caterer requirements).

The only thing that’s been annoying is sometimes I get jealous when people have gotten engaged AND married while we’re still just engaged… but at the same time, I’m marrying the most awesome person, we’re having our dream wedding at a really cool location that everyone is always so excited about (it’s not a standard wedding location – it’s an old art deco theater that was recently renovated into a music hall where indie bands play), and we’ve had enough time not only to plan without a ton of stress but to shop around for options that aren’t too expensive.

Oh, it has also given us plenty of time to discuss life-planning sorts of things (kids, etc) and go to premarital counseling. Which has been really amazing – we thought we had a good relationship and good communication before but premarital counseling has really taken it to the next level and helped us sort out some problems we had trouble dealing with. We’re not religious so it wasn’t the religious kind but I’d still definitely recommend it as it’s helped us understand each other so much better.

The one thing I will say is wait until much closer to the wedding to choose your wedding party. I picked mine straight off and two years later some of the relationships have changed and I’d make different choices if I was choosing today or three months ago.

Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We are newly engaged, and set our date for July 2014, a year and a half. To me, it sounds like to far away, but same as you, money is a problem. My FI has already graduated and has a very good job, but I am still in school. He is paying student loans too (to that bitch Sallie….haha) and I can only have a part time job because of my school load. The main reason we pushed it that far out is so we would be able tosave up enough, and even though we are not planning anything huge, we want to be financailly set and not be in a situation where we spend ALL our money on the wedding and are broke afterwards. I don’t think 2 years is too long, especially since it’s for a good reason. I think the only thing you will have to deal with is people asking, “Why so far off?” and getting completely out of the wedding spirit before it happens haha.

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