@ohmygiggles: I would elope. In fact, we are going to elope. My family doesn't sound as bad as yours, but any suggestions I've made have met w. resistance, and my mom certainly isn't excited about anything like dress shopping.
I don't see how a big wedding would be a joyous occasion for you... so why waste the money? It'll only be drama, stress, and thousands of dollars gone.
ELOPE.
I agree with PP, you should elope. If they don't want to be part of your wedding, you shouldn't want them to be. But even if you decide not to elope, I would ABSOLUTELY NOT postpone your wedding. Don't give them the satisfaction.
Just stop talking to them about it.
I know it's hard and you'd like them to be involved, but clearly they are dragging you down. I had to learn the same lesson as you did and I just try to remember that your wedding and all the details are only important to you.
Since you don't have your family's support, divide the tasks you need to accomplish by importance between you and your FI, and then just check them off one by one and DON'T skip ahead of the list! Its what I've done, since I'm pretty much doing this by myself too, and I haven't been overwhelmed so far.
@ohmygiggles: I would elope. Just curious, have they given you any reasons why they are acting like this? It just seems odd that no one is supportive for no reason.
@ohmygiggles: I would elope too! When it comes down to it, I think that the most important thing is that you marry the person you love. Use that money on a nice honeymoon or something. You can still wear a beautiful wedding dress if you want to. I'm sorry your family feels this way though, but it seems like they will not be happy no matter what you do.
BTW, if you do choose to elope, there are a TON of cute B&Bs in NC that have elopement packages. I would elope if I had the choice - FI wants a weddng 
.
@ohmygiggles: I'm so sorry that your family is making this exciting time in your life miserable. It seems as though they are incapable of embracing your wedding, so I think you should elope, or just invite your bridal party (the ones that you like.. not your half sister) to be witnesses.
Another option is to plan an evening with your close (read: supportive) friends, and surprise them with a wedding. It wouldn't be too expensive, and you'd get to wear a beautiful dress, eat, and dance the night away.
Bottom line: it's your wedding. Do what you want, and only what makes you and your FI happy!
HOpe you're OK with the eloping thing because I would suggest it, as well. Based on your previous post, it sounds like the wild ride he sent you on caused you to send mixed messages to your family about him (I assume you went to them for support). If the only mention your mom makes of your wedding is complaining about who's in it or not, she doesn't deserve to be with you during this time.
Get your wedding back to its roots -- the two of you and spend your money on a bomb ass honeymoon!
Wow!!! I would elope also!! Have fun, insted of EVERYONE taering you to pieces... YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT!! I know it can be hard to deal with family but it seems like they dont even give a rats ass about you and your feelings on your wedding day. You need to be happy :( I would save the money from your wedding elope and go on an even funner honeymoon. Then when they ask why you eloped, just say "you made me do it." period, and let them reflect on themselves.
@throughthebarricades: agreed!
I think the first thing you should do is to sit down with your mom first and discuss with her why she is not being supportive. Whatever she says, try to see things from her perspective. As a mom and likely concerned for you and your well being.
Then work with those worries she expresses and rationally try to to resolve each one.
Be sure to tell her how much you want her involved in the wedding or at the minimum happy for you because this is what you want.
Instead of going straight to the "You are going to act this way, then I am going to punish you/do this" Look for the root of the problem. It not only may be fixable, but it could make your life much better post marriage. Because if she is not supportive now, it may take a very long time for her to become supportive.
I'm also curious if they've given you reasons for their shit reactions. All of them? Really? That's disgusting.
Awe! hugs :( I am so sorry that you are going through this at one of the most amazing times of your life. I agree with the pp's ELOPE!
What is the reason that your family is so against this anyhow?
I would be more concerned about why everyone is against the marriage. Is there a past that you havne't mentioned in your OP?
In your last post, 5 months ago, you even said you weren't ready for marriage and say it only in your distant future. Five months isn't very distant. What happened between then and now?
I feel like I must be missing some part of this story to explain your family’s horrible reaction. How long have you two been together? Why are they so unsupportive; have they always been this way? Do they have some reason to dislike your fiance? How is his family reacting to all of this?
Jeez, I’d just go elope. Screw them. I wouldn’t want them there at all if that’s the way they’re going to treat you. One didn’t want to go to your wedding because they would rather go see a play???! Are you kidding me?! I wouldn’t change my date for something like that. How will they react when you get pregnant? (Assuming you want kids). This is a sucky situation. I really feel for you.
I havne't read your other post but in this one you mentioned "reconnecting" with your guy. I'm assuming that means you were having problems/stress in the relationship. Did you complain a lot to your family during that time about your now FI? If you were unhappy in the relationhsip and complaining about it, and they saw that, they might be unhappy about hte engagement because of these past troubles.
I find the universal rude behaviour curious as well, but regardless...
ELOPE!
Go somewhere amazing and don't spend your hard-earned money on food, wine and entertainment for these jerks- spend it on a FABULOUS vacation for yourself and your FI!
@jwilk241: The only thing I've gotten is my dad flat out saying that he doesn't want me to get married. My mother claims she doesn't care what I do. I suspect my older sister is jealous since she admitted to being jealous of my relationship when we first starting dating (the beginning of my relationship was a whole 'nother nightmare to boot).
ha i would elope theres not way i would let my crazy family ruin my day. You can still do something nice, get the dress of your dreams etc. Maybe look at destination weddings or a nice intimate wedding even if its just the two of you.
Your family sounds like more trouble than its worth and if they arent even excited what is the point of inviting them to celebrate with you
@ohmygiggles: well this is just so weird. Are you young, like under 21? Is your sister still single and maybe that's why she's jealous? That's still no excuse but might help explain. As far as your mother, maybe her reasoning is the same as your dad...which he was obviously pretty vague about.
Anyways, just elope. They will more than likely be angry at this but it's better than spending loads of money on a wedding that your family will probably pout through and make you have a miserable time.
@Christy42213: We've been dating for 3 solid years, and have rarely had any real problems other than when I wanted to get married to him (mostly for religious reasons), and he wasn't quite ready. He obviously changed his mind after I started focusing on myself. Any and all 'serious' problems pertaining to my relationship has been external. At the very start of my relationship my older sister gave me a hard time just for dating him. She was constantly making me cry/feel bad and basically cut me off for a while (we used to be extremely close, when she wasn't around her friends). My family didn't like him either for awhile just because he had "weird" hair. They eventually came around and like him now (or at least tolerate him). His family has basically accepted me as their in-law and have been nothing but sweet. Just like this situation, for a very long time I couldn't share anything exciting with them about my relationship (first date, first kiss, promise ring, ect.). I couldn't tell ANYONE, in fact. But my older sister gets to talk to my mom about her potential boyfriends all the time, and my mom always seems so intrigued. I really don't know why they act this way. I've tried talking to them, but they claim that I'm taking it all too seriously, and they don't know why I'm so upset. My favorite is when they ask me if they want them to "lie" about being happy just to make me happy. My FI is really the only person who loves talking about the wedding and helping me plan it.
Girl, I would just elope. It will save you a TON of money and you don't have to deal with your pissy ass family ruining your day.
Yeah, I'd elope. It's not about them and sometimes we can't get what we want. I know you probably dreamed of having a family that's bubbling over in excitement for you but that's not your reality. Just do what makes you happy. If marrying your FI makes you happy, do it on your terms. It's not about them and this journey has everything to do with you and your FI. I know it's an odd transition (I'm dealing with it to) to go from "well let me consider my family...let me consider my friends" to "let me consider myself and my mate. Period." You can do it though!
@ohmygiggles: Oh hunny, totally ELOPE!!!....i would do it in a heartbeat, if my family was like that. You are only going to stress out more trying to get them to be in the same page....go and be happy with your FI...he is your new family afterall
I would just elope, or have a very small party with a few close friends (like... we're talking 10 people max). Because your family sounds nuts, and you shouldn't let that spoil your happy day with your groom-to-be. If this has been going on for the duration of the relationship, I don't know that I'd even try to sit down and talk it out.
Another place to go to get some advice is the Dealing with the Inlaws and Family of Origin board on Babycenter. They often have really good advice on situations where your family is absolutely not like a normal family at all, and helping you come to terms with that. My fiance's family is crazytown too and reading DWIL has really helped us understand how to deal with them in ways that preserve our sanity. http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dealing_with_the_in_laws_and_foo_family_of_origin
How old are you? I could see family members/friends acting this way if you are relatively young and they don't approve of the marriage.
@ohmygiggles: Ugh. I'm so sorry your family sucks. What crappy people. Honestly, it sounds like they don't even care about you. I would embrace your fiance's family as your new one.
I'm sorry for you, OP.
Regardless of their reasoning for being so hurtful, I would just plan a destination wedding. That way everyone could be invited, and only those who really want to will be there.
It is unfortunate your mother does not want to go dress shopping, but by the sound of her, it may be a blessing in disguise. I can imagine her being mean to you during the appointment, which would only ruin your moment. I suggest you go shopping with a friend instead.
@ohmygiggles: There has to be more to this story than just weird hair. Two other Bees asked your age and you ignored the question, so I'm guessing you're young. How young? If you're 18 it doesn't matter if you've been dating for 3 years or 3 minutes, I wouldn't support your marriage (or take it seriously) either.
Otherwise, why on earth would your sister dislike him so much, even in the very beginning? Is he a different race or religion? Is he much older?
According to her profile, she's 19.
@ohmygiggles: I think the answer here is that you are very young, and your family doesn't want to see you get hurt or make a decision that once you are fully grown and mature, you'd regret. Only you know how your relationship is, and if you're ready, but if literally everyone in your family is not supporting you, then maybe there is something there that you're not seeing. Most families are not toxic, hateful people. They're the brutally honest reality we need sometimes.
@GoldfishPie: <--- what she said.
Sorry OP but you're 19. Your family is probably acting this way because they realize you're intent on getting married and don't approve of you marrying at such a young age, and are passively aggressively showing their diapproval by refraining from getting involved or being excited. I'm not certain if they're justified in questioning your readiness for marriage but sometimes our families can see the realities of a situation to which we are blinded.
Hold on, you were pressuring your BF to get married at 19? I have to kind of agree with your grandma. What's the rush?
I'm with many of the PPs who think there is more to the story. Nineteen is awfully young, and by some of your statements (throwing a 'hissy fit' about not being engaged) it sounds like you might need to mature a little in your actions and behaviors so that people take you seriously.
If you are in fact 19, I say it doesnt matter. Its ridiculous to me that some people still think that's too young. 3 years is 3 years to me, and thats perfectly enough time to know if someone is "the one."
I'd hold off on dress shopping until you've booked your venue. Your family will start to take it more seriously once plans start to take shape.
@GoldfishPie: The weird thing is that they've never been supportive of a single decision I've made outside of graduating. What I just couldn't understand is 19 or not, why I have to go through something like this. I've had a very healthy relationship with this man for three years, and I've tried to be a responisible young adult. I thought that age didn't matter when it came to the "right" time to marry. I understand that there are some people my age that really shouldn't marry, and I know people twice my age that shouldn't marry. I understand that what's really important is the marriage, not the wedding. But what bride doesn't want her family to support her in such an important time in her life? What bride wants to feel ashamed for being excited for her big day?
The way they're acting is really terrible and you don't deserve to be treated like that. I can understand why your family would be concerned, because 19 is very young and many young marriages do not work out. If that's what they're worried about though, they're not expressing it in the right way.
19 isn't too young to be sure about the person you're with, and some young marriages work out great - it all depends on your relationship. I really encourage you two to get premarital counseling to talk to a pastor if you're religious, just to go over some subjects that you may not have thought about yet at 19 : )
If I were you I would push back the wedding date to November 2014, rather than 2013 to give the engagement some more time. If you are 100% positive that this is what you want and you don't want to wait then I would get eloped. Elopements can be really amazing, and when you don't have the family support you want, having a big wedding would be very difficult and possibly disappointing.
@ohmygiggles: my family was the same way. in fact when i told my parents i was getting engaged (so as to not shock them when it happened) we had a HUGE blowout. My (step)mother said things I will never forget, my father said "i dont think its the right thing for you to do but youre an adult-- good luck" and my brother was useless in being on my side. Thankfully all our friends are excited for us, as is FI's family. My FI and I decided to basically elope. We already live together so we have a bunch of stuff, so we're not anxious for presents. We are spending the money we would have spent on a small wedding on a balls out AMAZING trip to hawaii. We are flying there and getting married on the beach and spending 16 days there.
My (step)mother didnt talk to me for THREE MONTHS after I told her I was getting engaged. I had thanksgiving without my family for the first time ever (its my favorite holiday) and as we slowly mend our relationships back together, the first time my (step)mother ever actually addresses the fact I was getting married, all she did was make disparaging comments on my dress, my eloping decision, everything. "sounds like you just want to have a big vacation, not a wedding." sigh.
DO YOU girl. put your money toward yourselves. because starting now, you're #1 in eahc others lives and push comes to shove, you're all each other has.
@ohmygiggles: Can you sit down with them and talk to them about it? I'm sure its your age. If I had a 19 year old daughter, I would not be remotely thrilled if she was engaged. You will be a very different person at 22 than you are at 19, and different again at 25. If you plan to be with this man when you are 87, I don't see why you must marry him at 19, rather than after you both graduate college. The divorce rate for teen brides is crazy high. Get married in your mid-20s with a college degree, and its actually quite low (the whole 50% divorce rate isn't really accurate-- for older, college-educated people its pretty low, its just that the rate amoung young people without a college education is SO HIGH that it drags down the rate for everyone else-- and yes, serial marriers like Larry King also hurt). Take a look at For Better, The Science of a Good Marriage by Tara Parker-Pope for some good points to consider.
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If you read my last post, you'll know that several months ago I was having a hissy fit over not being engaged (silly me), and starting to focus more on myself. Well after reconnecting with my guy and figuring out what we really wanted, we ended up engaged. Crazy right? Silly fussy me getting what I wanted. I was overjoyed, and now we've been saving every penny to pay for the wedding in November.
But there's a catch. I got to celebrate my engagement for about ten minutes (those minutes spent alone with my guy), before I decided to tell my parents. Their reaction? My mother sort of passed it off as if I'd just told her I'd bought a new pair of underwear, my dad said nothing. My older sister said something to the effect of "I'm sick, I don't feel like dealing with this right now.". Trying to be polite, I went ahead and called my grandmother before I announced it via Facebook, and she said "you're out of your damn mind." Sure she apologized the next day, but the damage was done. Thankfully on Facebook people seemed happy and excited for us. Since then, my extended family treat my engagement as some terrible secret they like to keep in the dark. Or occassionally gossip about it.
Any mention of my wedding is thrown in my face. My family gets incredibly annoyed just because I'm excited about getting married. In arguements, they say hurtful things about my wedding that has absolutely nothing to do with the arguement. When I told my older sister I'd love for her to be my maid of honor, she just laughed at me. I wanted to throw an engagement party for myself in an attempt to be happy for the occassion, but my family tore that down too. So I decided just to celebrate with my bridesmaids and groomsmen. After switching the dates about 3 times for them, only one of my bridesmaids could make it. My sister didn't feel like going, one didn't want to spend the money to visit, one had a play she had to go to. Only one bridesmaid could go (I assume since I hadn't heard from her either). My SO and I were paying for everything, even providing rides. We decided not to have the party.
I made the mistake of wanting to go dress shopping with my mom. Again, any mention of such a thing annoys her. She promised to go and look at dresses in December, but never did. When I asked her when we could go dress shopping (that November) she told me the only time she could go was when she was on break. Her break fell around my dad's birthday. She said she "didn't want that 'mess' (dress shopping' to taint" my dad's birthday. Again, I was paying for the dress. Not her. So I don't understand why just spending a few hours with me is such a big deal.
Several family members make me feel bad for not wanting my half-sister to be a bridesmaid. My half-sister and I have no relationship, and are frankly not on good terms. My mom has forced me to make her bridesmaid anyway.
Anytime I try to talk to other people about my wedding, say for one person who is pushing for us to just get married by the JOP, always turns it into a conversation about what THEY want for their weddings. These girls aren't engaged. I listen to my older sister rant and rave about her boy troubles, but she won't give me the time of day to hear about my plans. She claims that I'm "idolizing" my wedding/marriage.
At this point I'm beaten down and totally exhausted. I''m considering just eloping or postponing it indefinitely so I can recover. Maybe I deserve all this. What should I do? What would any of you do? Are they justified? Sorry for the long post and all the ranting. I'm at the end of my rope. Please help.