Engagement Nightmare. Help.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Member
8046 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ohmygiggles:  I would elope. In fact, we are going to elope. My family doesn’t sound as bad as yours, but any suggestions I’ve made have met w. resistance, and my mom certainly isn’t excited about anything like dress shopping.

I don’t see how a big wedding would be a joyous occasion for you… so why waste the money? It’ll only be drama, stress, and thousands of dollars gone.

ELOPE.

Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with PP, you should elope. If they don’t want to be part of your wedding, you shouldn’t want them to be. But even if you decide not to elope, I would ABSOLUTELY NOT postpone your wedding. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just stop talking to them about it.

I know it’s hard and you’d like them to be involved, but clearly they are dragging you down. I had to learn the same lesson as you did and I just try to remember that your wedding and all the details are only important to you.

Since you don’t have your family’s support, divide the tasks you need to accomplish by importance between you and your FI, and then just check them off one by one and DON’T skip ahead of the list! Its what I’ve done, since I’m pretty much doing this by myself too, and I haven’t been overwhelmed so far.

Member
4476 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ohmygiggles:  I would elope. Just curious, have they given you any reasons why they are acting like this? It just seems odd that no one is supportive for no reason.

Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ohmygiggles:  I would elope too! When it comes down to it, I think that the most important thing is that you marry the person you love. Use that money on a nice honeymoon or something. You can still wear a beautiful wedding dress if you want to. I’m sorry your family feels this way though, but it seems like they will not be happy no matter what you do.

BTW, if you do choose to elope, there are a TON of cute B&Bs in NC that have elopement packages. I would elope if I had the choice – FI wants a weddng Frown.

Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ohmygiggles:  I’m so sorry that your family is making this exciting time in your life miserable. It seems as though they are incapable of embracing your wedding, so I think you should elope, or just invite your bridal party (the ones that you like.. not your half sister) to be witnesses. 

Another option is to plan an evening with your close (read: supportive) friends, and surprise them with a wedding. It wouldn’t be too expensive, and you’d get to wear a beautiful dress, eat, and dance the night away.

Bottom line: it’s your wedding. Do what you want, and only what makes you and your FI happy!

Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

HOpe you’re OK with the eloping thing because I would suggest it, as well.  Based on your previous post, it sounds like the wild ride he sent you on caused you to send mixed messages to your family about him (I assume you went to them for support).  If the only mention your mom makes of your wedding is complaining about who’s in it or not, she doesn’t deserve to be with you during this time.  

Get your wedding back to its roots — the two of you and spend your money on a bomb ass honeymoon!

Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Wow!!! I would elope also!! Have fun, insted of EVERYONE taering you to pieces… YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT!! I know it can be hard to deal with family but it seems like they dont even give a rats ass about you and your feelings on your wedding day. You need to be happy :( I would save the money from your wedding elope and go on an even funner honeymoon. Then when they ask why you eloped, just say “you made me do it.” period, and let them reflect on themselves. 

 

@canarydiamond:  agreed!

Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the first thing you should do is to sit down with your mom first and discuss with her why she is not being supportive. Whatever she says, try to see things from her perspective. As a mom and likely concerned for you and your well being. 

Then work with those worries she expresses and rationally try to to resolve each one. 

Be sure to tell her how much you want her involved in the wedding or at the minimum happy for you because this is what you want. 

Instead of going straight to the “You are going to act this way, then I am going to punish you/do this” Look for the root of the problem. It not only may be fixable, but it could make your life much better post marriage. Because if she is not supportive now, it may take a very long time for her to become supportive. 

Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m also curious if they’ve given you reasons for their shit reactions. All of them? Really? That’s disgusting.

Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awe! hugs :( I am so sorry that you are going through this at one of the most amazing times of your life. I agree with the pp’s ELOPE!

What is the reason that your family is so against this anyhow?

 

Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be more concerned about why everyone is against the marriage.  Is there a past that you havne’t mentioned in your OP? 

In your last post, 5 months ago, you even said you weren’t ready for marriage and say it only in your distant future.  Five months isn’t very distant.  What happened between then and now?

Member
3179 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I feel like I must be missing some part of this story to explain your family’s horrible reaction.  How long have you two been together?  Why are they so unsupportive; have they always been this way?  Do they have some reason to dislike your fiance?  How is his family reacting to all of this?

Jeez, I’d just go elope.  Screw them.  I wouldn’t want them there at all if that’s the way they’re going to treat you.  One didn’t want to go to your wedding because they would rather go see a play???!  Are you kidding me?!  I wouldn’t change my date for something like that.  How will they react when you get pregnant?  (Assuming you want kids).  This is a sucky situation.  I really feel for you.

Member
2621 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I havne’t read your other post but in this one you mentioned “reconnecting” with your guy. I’m assuming that means you were having problems/stress in the relationship. Did you complain a lot to your family during that time about  your now FI? If you were unhappy in the relationhsip and complaining about it, and they saw that, they might be unhappy about hte engagement because of these past troubles.

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