- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I think my relationship is on extremely thin ice. My fiance and I just about broke up over the phone last night, but I couldn’t bear to think that was the end so he’s coming over to “talk” tomorrow, i dont even know what that means.
Ive been with my fiance for almost 6 years. Just got engaged about 4/5 months ago. From the start my fiance was always very bold, outspoken, spoke whatever he was feeling, and consequently came off to be very rude to my family, my parents especially. This had always been a trouble spot for us, b/c i am extremely close with my family and always put them first and I hated how he didn’t respect them like I did. I know my parents didn’t approve of him in the beginning but I fell in love with him anyway. Let me explain that my Fiance is a wonderful person. He has always put me first, has and will be very romantic (always surprising me with something) and we always had a great time together.
Over the years my parents and fiance’s relationship, in my opinion, improved. He would come over and bring games for us to play, he’d call my mom on the phone just to say hi, and even got her a job through his company. He still remained to be outspoken and we’d often fight about it but then we would always make up.
Last year tho he got into a huge fight with my sister, who truthfully messed up a job interview at my Fiance’s expense and my Fiance got extremely angry. It made him look bad at work and although my sister apologized profusely and really made an effort to make amends he refused to even acknowledge her. He wouldnt even look her in the eye. This made me so upset, esp seeing my younger sister so upset too. I told him that he has a right to be angry, but cant shut out my sister and give her the silent treatment for months! 6 months later it became so bad that I had to involve my mom for an intervention and to try to get him to talk to my sister. It was so ridiculous.
Ever since then we’ve been getting into arguements monthly. Mostly b/c i feel like he needs his feelings validated all the time and if someone pisses him off well then they should suffer the consequences and I should support him 100%. That’s what we disagree on..he thinks i dont support him at all while he does it for me. But how can I support someone who in my opinion overreacts and holds grudges all the time and never lets the little things go?
He seems to be an insecure person and gets angry if someone doesnt treat him right. He is always complaining about how my family is rude to him, but he never sees how he treats my family either. In his view he is perfectly at right to question my family’s decisions and “after 5 years he feels that my family should know by now what not to say to piss him off”.
So our latest, and maybe final fight, is basically him telling me that my family is the one who is at fault here and bc im so naive they are they ones messing our relationship up. I know my family and i know that all they want is for me to be happy, even if they dont think so much of my fiance at present. I feel like he is being paranoid and deluded. I know my fiance can seem possessive and controlling at times, and i feel like he doesnt understand what im telling him anymore.
We dont agree on these fights and we keep going on and on in circles. I know i’m not perfect and maybe havent supported him all the time, but how can i support someone who constantly has fights with people and then shuts them out? I told him that i dont want to chose my family or a husband, and that having a husband should be a wonderful additiion to my family. I always wanted a cohesive family where everyone got along and i feel like with him that’s never going to happen b/c he could care less about a close family it seems.
I should mention that my sister also started dating someone a few months ago, who i really like as a person, and seems to fit in really well. He’s really respecful to my parents, to me, and treats my sister really well. My fiance, I know, is so jealous of how her new bf gets treated and gets angry that he is on a pedastal but shouldn’t be b/c he’s brand new. I want to tell him that had he been respectful from the start maybe he would have gotten the same respect.
Im sorry to drag this on, and i may make my Fiance seem like a really horrible person but im not trying to do that. I do love him and always invisioned my future with him but lately i just dont know anymore. I keep thinking that maybe there’s someone out there who is a real family man and loves the closeness of being with family. Then i get sad and think my Fiance could be that person. I know being married means starting a new family and a new life, but i dont want to throw away my existing family either. Im afraid ill be pulled away someday and it scares me more than anything. Thanks for listening.