- 5 years ago
I have a previous post abut seeking advice about how my relationship fell apart after I was offered a job (this was the middle of august) to be by my LD- Fiance and how I ultimatley did not take it because financially it made more sense to stay where I was, save money, and take the next offer to go. FI initially seemed supportive, then turned resentful.
Here is where the update and total breakdown comes:
ExFI got better. Things were definitely tense between us at times, but I slowly regained confidence for the future. I saw him a month after the rejected the offer, and we did not break up. he admitted he needed to try harder and was mad at me but could get over it, but at the time did not know how. He made tickets to come see me in the end of october. While I was waiting for that visit, things got hairy. He turned snarky and sarcastic toward me. The night before he came, I said to him “if you are going to break up with me when you get here, please just don’t come.” He replied “It’s not something Im prepared to do.” He arrived, things were good. The first day, things were really good. Second day, a little less so. ex Fi didn’t want to have any down time where we were just to hang out or watch tv. Third day, worse. He kept comparing everything we were doing to how it would be better in his town. he started to look at me with resentment. That night it fell apart.
He unleashed on me about how he would never forgive me for not taking the job. He is unhappy and blames me. HE was ready then and since I didn’t take it, I wasnt committed to us. I tried explaining (yet again) that I stayed here bc I got paid so much more, and the plan was to pay off my debt, and take the next job offered. He simply won’t accept this as an answer. he said it was selfish; that i only cared about my own money. He says he was so excited when I got the offer, but if that was the case, I never ever saw it. he said it felt right to not be with me any more since he always will be mad. I pleaded to let me check with the company to see if they had any openings now, and he said he didn’t want me to do it because it isn’t right anymore. I said this is what we’ve worked for, i would move right now if they had an opening. I regretted my decision to stay, told him that, and begged forgiveness. he took back the breakup and said he didn’t want to be without me. He left here on good terms. I have tkts to go see him for t-giving and asked him if he wanted me to come. He said “I think so. I wouldn’t see why not.” We kissed goodbye at the airport and said we’d see each other soon.
Fast forward two weeks, I find out there is another opportunity to take. I tell exFI, he isn’t too positive, says he needs to think about it. He asks if we are right together? I yes very positively, he tells me to move there tomorrow, it has been too long coming. he tells me not to cry and think about all we will do in our future. I calm down and get ready for bed. Two hours later, he says he is so scared and can’t talk to me anymore that night. I again reassure him I love him and this is what we’ve worked for. The next day i hardly hear from him and he calls that night to say he needs time. He has been so unhappy and detatched and apparently that comes from my not moving. he doesn’t believe me I want to be there now. (I do. I truly do.)I said I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me. I have forgiven him for so much — he didn’t move back here from the get go, which I thought he would. He gave me chlamydia. he hired his ex-gf to work with him every day and I had no idea for over a year until i discovered it on my own. Yet he can’t forgive me for taking the most responsible decision. Now he wants to take some time alone and figure out why he “is selfish and what is best for him.” he told me he loved he and he’d talk to me soon.
So i sit here wondering if I will ever actually hear from him again. I partially accept that I won’t. I can’t believe this is how it turned out. I hate everything. I am turning 30 in two weeks and I’m alone, in a job I hate, with no single friends, and not emotionally close to anyone in my family. I’m so lonely. I spent the past 5 years working to be with this man, and in the end, I was worth nothing. I wasn’t worth moving for, and I wasn’t worth waiting for. I broke down at work so many times this week. i’ve been drinking like crazy. My father is an alcoholic, and I don’t even drink! Everything is such a mess. I have no idea what to do.