Engagement over…a sad follow up.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry you’re having a rough go.  I do remember your previous posts.  Good for you for looking out for yourself and your finances.  He definitely wasn’t the right man for you.  If we lived in the same city, I would definitely hang out with you.  (I know we don’t because I live in Podunk.)  Keep your chin up.  Things will get better.

Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry it turned out this way.  But in your previous post, I think he was being a total a-hole.  Even more so now.  It’s probably a good thing you didn’t screw up your career over this guy–I think you were bound to find out sooner or later that he wouldn’t be worth it.  

Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee

Yikes. I know you’re upset now, but making decisions that are best for YOU is vital to your happiness in the long run. Making decisions that are best for HIM will eventually destroy your relationship. I think you have given him so much support from afar, and you deserve to be with someone who is satisfied with what you have to offer. I’m so sorry thay you’re having such a rough time, but I truly feel that your wounds will heal. I think if you stay, you’re putting a bandaid on a situation that a bandaid can’t handle.

Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee

I do remember your previous posts, and I just want to say that I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the emotional distress you are feeling right now. You did the right thing, in my opinion. I know you didn’t have a malacious or selfish intent keeping your job. You thought you were doing the right thing for your relationship in terms of paying off your debt and to keep earning money for your future. I can understand why he would be hurt you didn’t move closer, but the way he reacted is a bit much to me. I think he’s giving up a great woman. I hope your heart heals quickly, Dear.

<3

Member
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@bluehydrangeas:  I have forgiven him for so much — he didn’t move back here from the get go, which I thought he would.  He gave me chlamydia.  he hired his ex-gf to work  with him every day and I had no idea for over a year until i discovered it on my own.  Yet he can’t forgive me for taking the most responsible decision.  Now he wants to take some time alone and figure out why he “is selfish and what is best for him.”

I was somewhat neutral and trying to understand him being so upset that you didnt want to move back to him (althought I feel you made the right decision) until I got here.  Sorry, but he sounds like a selffish jerk.  He couldn’t take you not moving right at the second, althought he was supposed to move back with you??  What kind of double standard bull shit is that?!  He should have understood that the smart decision to stay with your job for a better position and more money would ultimately help not just you, but the BOTH of you.  It was the better decision for the long run of him too.  If he were so blinded by his own selffish wants, he would see that.  You deserve better. 

Member
591 posts
Busy bee

I’m really, really sorry! :( I wish we lived closer so we could go grab coffee.

I know that even though you know that you are making good decisions it doesn’t take away the pain.

I do think he was trying to emotionally manipulate you and was acting selfishly, especially after all the things you have forgiven him for. It’s just too bad that he can’t see that.

Member
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@bluehydrangeas:  That’s fair enough, he got a good offer and says he had to take it.  If it was the smarter option at the point, that’s fine.  But now why does he now that understand this was the best choice for you right now too?  Even for just a little bit to chew down the debt.  It sounds like doesn’t want to leave where he is?  If so, and you’re doing everything you can to go back to where he is as soon as possible when the time is right, his behaviour is rediculous.  Why isnt it an option for him to live and go to where you are??

Member
629 posts
Busy bee

I’m really sorry this has happened.  I wish I could tell you things to make it better. Perhaps this is a blessing, knowing that he has selfish ways that would not help your relationship, only hinder it, to cause it to fall apart down the road.

 

Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • kjo
  • 1 year ago

I dont understand why he is so rushed?  Youve been LD for 5 years?  How come now its this second or never?  I mean, you have the rest of your lives right? 

Aside from the whole ex-gf thing, he doesnt sound like a jerk to me, but a big huge baby.  But I will give him this, and you too… you moving there is a huge step in your relationship.  It probably is a smart idea to take some time to think about it really well.  Sounds like maybe he has some other issues going on?  That is the way my FI acts when things are bothering him, and he turns into a baby all sooky and sad.

Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee

Honey you are talking like 30 is old. It is not! This guy is being a selfish jerk, pure and simple. There will be other jobs and you will make new single friends. I have been down the road you are traveling. It seems like you’re in this hopeless situation. You are not. Don’t feel bad for taking some time to grieve for the relationship. But soon you will begin to pick yourself back up and move forward. There are better days ahead!!!

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Related Topics:

FMIL is stressing us out!

Find Amazing Vendors