- 3 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
This is an update for my original post http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/engagement-very-long-parents-not-happy-fi-frustrated from last week.
I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, I guess I’m looking for advice, support, honest opinions, or maybe just to vent…
Yesterday my parents and I went to counseling and decided to use this moment to let them know that my FI and I had already picked out a church and date. I couldn’t imagine how bad is was going to go…
My father got really mad because I had broke our agreement about giving them a month to cope with this, by picking out the church, looking at cruises for honeymoon and picking out the date. He says he feels betrayed. I didn’t mean to break the agreement honestly, because it seemed to me that picking out the date and church was more of a couple’s decision. FI’s family didn’t even get a saying about this. He’s (my father) now questioning me what is it that they should be invoved with, since picking out the date and church is everything… I apologised, said it wasn’t my intention and that I felt it was more of a couple’s decision.
My mother started saying some really hurtful things, including “She doesn’t care about us, she’s just going to do whatever she wants, she doesn’t give a damn” (which she said several times). I’m trying to work things out, being honest, still live with them, and I don’t care? Pff…
They said they feel like I’m making a big mistake and that marriage is a forever thing. That they chose to marry each other, and now they are just trying to deal with each other until death.
They gave me extra reasons why they don’t approve. My mom said that my FI stared a couple of times at her and she felt uncomfortable, that she had seen him stare at a cousin’s girlfriend, and that she once saw him touching my back under my t-shirt. I don’t take this seriously since she has accused my father of being unfaithful and looking at other women, which I know it’s not true (he’s just not allowed to talk to any other women, it’s like if she made up stories in her mind). My father said that he didn’t think it was OK for me to marry a man who has debt (he does monthly payments for school and a used car he bought in February), that he couldn’t understand how my FI wants to marry me if he had so much debts, that he should have waited until paying all his debts before considering marrying me. I’m trying really hard to listen to them because I know they can point out things I don’t see, but sometimes I just feel they are desperate and using anything to stop me (my father used my extreme kindness as an argument that I could eventually get hurt). However, if they do point out something that I consider valid, I will listen to them, I’m trying not to be stubborn.
I’m just hurt. My mother barely speaks to me, she will not even look me in the eye. My father is still mad and he speaks very little. He says I’m the one being manipulative.
I have considered moving out… not with FI, but just me. But I want to do things right, you know? I want them to be happy, but I guess it will not be this way… I guess I just don’t want to be ungrateful.
One of you bees (@MrsBucket) gave me some advice on talking with a priest. I did. He told me I’m doing nothing wrong, that it was normal for me to want a family.
I feel knocked down and bummed. Besides emotionally, I’m independent. I don’t pay for my room (they would feel I’m being ungrateful), but I do pay for my own stuff, cook, clean, do my own laundry (all of this was really difficult, my mother didn’t want me to do any of those), give my mother money for her personal stuff.
This ended being longer that I would have liked, sorry 🙁 I am wrong here? I feel so lost, I’m having such a hard time… Thanks for reading. Any comment/feedback/opinion/etc is highly appreciated.