For those of you who are brides to bee, already married, or members of bridal parties, who paid for the engagement party if you had one? If you were a "payer", how much did you pay?
My mother and stepfather will be hosting our party this summer. We are going to do a bbq and just have beer and wine. I doubt we'll spend more than a few hundred bucks all told.
my parents and sister are hosting, but we are splitting the costs (parents buy the food and we'll buy the boose). I think we'll spend about less than $500 depending on how many people show up; we are having a co-ed engagement party.
The reason I'm asking is that I'm in the process of planning my own wedding which is just a couple months away and my fiance's old roommate just got engaged and they've already set their date for Sept '09. Well, roomies fiance and her sister have already planned an engagement party for July of this year-14-15 months out. It is to be paid for by the bridal party in which my fiance is a groomsman. Sister of the future bride sends emails out telling everyone what to do and all this crap. Wear black or white on the night of, think Tiffany boxes and all this schit. There are 16 people in the bridal party besides the bride and groom. Sister of the bride sends email out today giving date of the party and how much per person (bridesmaids & groomsmen)-----$40-$50 per person. That totals $640-$800. Hello--that is enough to have the damn thing catered here in the town I live in....I'm sort of enraged about it because that's $50 that can be applied toward our own wedding in which we have no bridal party and we are fitting the bill 100%. Money is super tight. I just graduated college and haven't landed a job yet and fiance is pulling for both of us and we're on super tight wedding budget. (we've almost got it all taken care of).
I have to say...I don't believe that forcing a wedding party into paying for an engagement party is any way appropriate nor proper in terms of etiquette. An engagement party is intended to announce the engagement, toast the couple, and allow friends and family from both sides to meet - I will actually be using that evening as an opportunity for my fiance and I to ask our friends to be a part of our wedding, and will not be formally asking anyone to be in the wedding until that date. I do not blame you for having an objection. If the sister of the bride would like to throw an engagement party for the couple, that is a wonderful thing, but she should understand that the financial burden is not to be distributed. Throwing an engagement party is not what bridesmaids and groomsmen sign on for...as a bridesmaid several times over, I can attest to just how expensive it gets to begin with!
I would suggest your fiance casually speak with other members of the wedding party to get their take. If others object, it might be worthwhile to explain to the sister that each member of the party will do what they can to contribute, but with many other wedding expenses to come and with personal expenses to take care of on top of it (including your own wedding) that it may not be possible for everyone to contribute the full amount desired.
Again, I am shaking my head over here. So unheard of in my book. And highly inappropriate, but that's just my take.
It is OK to tell her what you can afford right now. That does sound like a very expensive party. Maybe it is just in my area but engagement parties aren't that common and if a couple does have one, the bridal party does not pay for it, it's either the couple or the parents of the couple.
I can honestly say that I've never ever been to an engagement "party". I've been to a gathering of people at a restaurant to celebrate someone's engagement (and everyone paid for their own), but personally - and this may be just me - I think they're ... I don't even know ... pompous? Something laid pack is cool, I guess. And asking the bridal party to pay is downright rude. That's like saying "it's my birthday, give me money so I can have a party." But perhaps I'm older and don't get caught up in all of the "bridal" stuff. Heck, my family had to force me to have a shower.
Thank you Cyd.....we totally agree you!!! I never thought what they are doing is by any means acceptable. Fiance and I will be lucky to get a shower out of anyone, let alone an engagement party.
That's outrageous! When your FI was invited to be part of the wedding party, were the expectations outlined? It seems a bit much - will they also expect contributions for the shower and bachelor parties?
Engagement parties are optional shindigs, often thrown by the couple or family members and certainly non-gift. We were engaged just prior to Thanksgiving, so our family took the opportunity to toast us then. It was absolutely perfect - no extra fuss and no one strong-armed into paying for it!
For those of you who are brides to bee, already married, or members of bridal parties, who paid for the engagement party if you had one? If you were a "payer", how much did you pay?
posted by MayGrad Worker bee: 55 posts 7 months agoWe threw one for ourselves and specified no gifts, just company. We bought beer, soda, and barbeque, and spent about $300.
posted by amysue Busy bee: 888 posts 7 months agoMy mother and stepfather will be hosting our party this summer. We are going to do a bbq and just have beer and wine. I doubt we'll spend more than a few hundred bucks all told.
posted by Cyd Worker bee: 109 posts 7 months agomy parents and sister are hosting, but we are splitting the costs (parents buy the food and we'll buy the boose). I think we'll spend about less than $500 depending on how many people show up; we are having a co-ed engagement party.
posted by reilabird Helper bee: 207 posts 7 months agoThe reason I'm asking is that I'm in the process of planning my own wedding which is just a couple months away and my fiance's old roommate just got engaged and they've already set their date for Sept '09. Well, roomies fiance and her sister have already planned an engagement party for July of this year-14-15 months out. It is to be paid for by the bridal party in which my fiance is a groomsman. Sister of the future bride sends emails out telling everyone what to do and all this crap. Wear black or white on the night of, think Tiffany boxes and all this schit. There are 16 people in the bridal party besides the bride and groom. Sister of the bride sends email out today giving date of the party and how much per person (bridesmaids & groomsmen)-----$40-$50 per person. That totals $640-$800. Hello--that is enough to have the damn thing catered here in the town I live in....I'm sort of enraged about it because that's $50 that can be applied toward our own wedding in which we have no bridal party and we are fitting the bill 100%. Money is super tight. I just graduated college and haven't landed a job yet and fiance is pulling for both of us and we're on super tight wedding budget. (we've almost got it all taken care of).
posted by MayGrad Worker bee: 55 posts 7 months agoI have to say...I don't believe that forcing a wedding party into paying for an engagement party is any way appropriate nor proper in terms of etiquette. An engagement party is intended to announce the engagement, toast the couple, and allow friends and family from both sides to meet - I will actually be using that evening as an opportunity for my fiance and I to ask our friends to be a part of our wedding, and will not be formally asking anyone to be in the wedding until that date. I do not blame you for having an objection. If the sister of the bride would like to throw an engagement party for the couple, that is a wonderful thing, but she should understand that the financial burden is not to be distributed. Throwing an engagement party is not what bridesmaids and groomsmen sign on for...as a bridesmaid several times over, I can attest to just how expensive it gets to begin with!
I would suggest your fiance casually speak with other members of the wedding party to get their take. If others object, it might be worthwhile to explain to the sister that each member of the party will do what they can to contribute, but with many other wedding expenses to come and with personal expenses to take care of on top of it (including your own wedding) that it may not be possible for everyone to contribute the full amount desired.
Again, I am shaking my head over here. So unheard of in my book. And highly inappropriate, but that's just my take.
posted by Cyd Worker bee: 109 posts 7 months agoIt is OK to tell her what you can afford right now. That does sound like a very expensive party. Maybe it is just in my area but engagement parties aren't that common and if a couple does have one, the bridal party does not pay for it, it's either the couple or the parents of the couple.
posted by Niki Helper bee: 446 posts 7 months agoCertainly do not bring a gift. That is documented etiquette that gifts aren't given at this party.
posted by Niki Helper bee: 446 posts 7 months agoI can honestly say that I've never ever been to an engagement "party". I've been to a gathering of people at a restaurant to celebrate someone's engagement (and everyone paid for their own), but personally - and this may be just me - I think they're ... I don't even know ... pompous? Something laid pack is cool, I guess. And asking the bridal party to pay is downright rude. That's like saying "it's my birthday, give me money so I can have a party." But perhaps I'm older and don't get caught up in all of the "bridal" stuff. Heck, my family had to force me to have a shower.
posted by jma19 Helper bee: 481 posts 7 months agoThank you Cyd.....we totally agree you!!!
I never thought what they are doing is by any means acceptable. Fiance and I will be lucky to get a shower out of anyone, let alone an engagement party.
posted by MayGrad Worker bee: 55 posts 7 months agoThat's outrageous! When your FI was invited to be part of the wedding party, were the expectations outlined? It seems a bit much - will they also expect contributions for the shower and bachelor parties?
Engagement parties are optional shindigs, often thrown by the couple or family members and certainly non-gift. We were engaged just prior to Thanksgiving, so our family took the opportunity to toast us then. It was absolutely perfect - no extra fuss and no one strong-armed into paying for it!
posted by missm Busy bee: 784 posts 7 months ago