Post # 1
I have to be honest, and please don’t be offended this is just my outlook on them, I just think that they make the couple look like they asking for money/gift grabby.
There is only one engagement party that I went to that I thought was acceptable. The couple was having a destination wedding and they knew a lot of people would not be coming, so they had an engagement party so they can celebrate with the people who might not come.
I mean you go to this engagement party, you don’t go empty handed! You give money. Then you get the invite to the wedding, and you give more money.
So, I guess what I am trying to get at, is why did you have an engagement party?
If you didn’t have one, why not? Am I the only one who thinks of engagement parties like this?
Again, its not my intention to upset anyone, I am not bashing engagement parties, I just wanted to express my opinion. If I upset anyone, I am sorry
Post # 3
@Daizy914: My FI and I decided not to have one simply because that is extra cash that we have to spend that could be going toward the wedding or our honeymoon. And on top of that, like you said, we don;t want to ask our guest for more money since they will be bring a gift to the wedding too.
Post # 4
@Daizy914: We didnt have one. My mom is strictly against them. She thinks it is asking for gifts. She said if someone throws one for you it is ok.
Personally I think they are OK. I get that couples want to share their special moment with everyone but I think they should specify and strongly persuade guests that they want NO GIFTS. Would I love a party to celebrate? YES. But ultimately it does look like you are asking for presents.
I do get super sad when I pass engagement cards in card stores. BECAUSE I LOVE CARDS, and wish that more people would have sent congratulation cards. And I know if we had an E-party we definitely would have gotten all those adorable cards!
Post # 5
@Daizy914: I agree with you on this one. And damned if I’m going to give someone a gift for their engagement, their shower, AND their wedding. That’s overkill.
Post # 6
I agree with your whole first paragraph. So you know my answer to whether or not I had one 😉
Post # 7
@SparkleBee11: well, we did get engagement cards from my family and his family, but no gifts (thank God because I don’t think we would have accepted it)
I mean, we did celebrate our engagement, we had dinner at his parents house, and his sisters, brother in law and little niece and nephew were there. But thats it and I am ok with that because we didn’t want an engagement party. And if someone threw me one, I would hope they would have asked me, because I would have said no, I don’t want an e-party. thanks but no thanks lol
Post # 8
I wasn’t aware engagement parties usually included gifts. In my circle, we always have them, but no one brings gifts. It’s stricly cards and a celebration.
Post # 9
I would have preferred not to have one, but my fiance’s sister threw it for us and insisted. We didn’t want to step on any toes, so we said OK
It was a great opportunity for our wedding parties to meet, most of them never had before. Oh, and our tiny families, too!
Everyone important met everyone important. 🙂
Most people didn’t bring gifts, which was a huge releif to me.
The ones who did brought things like wine, or just a card with well wishes.
My sister brought me balloons, I freaking love balloons so they came home with me.
There were about 20 people there, the food was delicious (the steak came out raw on a plate with a very hot stone, you cooked your own steak… soooo coool), and I gave out my favorite candies as favors (heard way too many stories about people eating them for breakfast, eww)
It was also good “practice” for me for wedding events… I didn’t know what to expect and freaked out for no reason before we got there. I feel a little more prepared for my actual wedding now because of it.
It wasn’t too bad.
I am grateful, but I wouldn’t choose to do it if I had the option. :/
Post # 10
@Daizy914: in my circle, people don’t bring gifts to the engagement party – so no one thinks it’s gift grabby at all. in fact, my parents will host 50 people and have the thing catered and zero cost to any guests – so i can’t imagine anyone will have something to complain about.
i see it as, people are happy for you, they want to celebrate with you, if they don’t, they won’t come.
i can see it being a problem if the gift thing arises, but in our circle, it’s just a party to see the couple and celebrate with them.
Post # 11
@Daizy914: we just had an engagement party, but it wasn’t for gifts. About a handful of people gave us gifts like glasses and champagne/wine. Only my parents and brother gave us something other than alcohol or food related. Many people gave us cards only and many people didn’t bring anything. No one gave us cash.
Anyone who asked us about gifts, we told them it wasn’t a gift giving event. We just wanted to celebrate with our family/friends because we’re engaged…..after 6 years….and it’s exciting!
Post # 12
I’m with you. I didn’t have one and neither did a lot of my good friends or siblings. I am on Long Island too, an area where weddings are usually done to the max.
I don’t want a shower either, but it doesn’t look like I’m winning that one. Though I feel bad because I think my family is going to stress my friend out.
Anyway, I did have a gathering at a bar, and it was only OK, to be honest.The bar was extra crowded that night for some reason but what can you do. We basically said, “join us for a drink” as if it was a birthday celebration so people just bought us a drink or two and no gifts.
I think there’s enough wedding related parties. I am considering a dinner with our two immediate families since they never met, but we’ve been engaged for seven months now so it would just be dinner. But I’m kinda lazy so I’m not sure.
Post # 13
Around here people give money for e-parties and I’ve even heard of a couple who said they were having one so they could afford the wedding. Ugh.
Post # 14
I’ve never been to an engagement party and FI and I didn’t have one. I didn’t realize they were gift-giving occasions, actually. I thought they were just celebrations (OK, I’d bring wine or a finger food like I do to normal parties). If they’re gift-giving occasions, count me out. I genuinely think one gift, two tops, is enough for me to give a couple.
Post # 15
@Bubbles42: that is so ridiculous. Where I live, its very common to have an e-party and it is for that reason and maybe that is why I am so against them. If you can’t afford the wedding you want, maybe you should re-evaluate what you want a think of other options. You should never go into debt for a wedding. Do something you can afford! LoL
I used to work in a bank and you would be surprised how many people came in to take a loan out to pay for their wedding!!!
Post # 16
My FI and I just had an engagement party two weeks ago. It was given by my Man of Honor with the assistance of the rest of our bridal party. They gave it at our house because we have the best place to entertain, but we didn’t spend a dime on it. It was just an occasion for our friends and family to gather and celebrate that we are getting married. First wedding event in a long chain. Most people brought a card or a bottle of wine; there were a few who brought gifts, but I don’t think anyone felt compelled to.
At the end of the day, I think it’s very important that you not throw your OWN engagement party (lol), but if someone wants to throw it for you; just be gracious and show up cute. (And don’t forget to get your ring cleaned as people will be asking to look at it!)