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We did not have one. I don't think its really done here, at least by most folks. The only people I know who have had one are a couple who are both dentists - her dad has a ton of money and threw a huge e-party for them. Her family is from the east coast though, so perhaps it is more usual out there. We were all confused. Were we supposed to bring a present? If so, would we need to buy another present for the wedding? Did it mean that we would be invited to the wedding? What is up with throwing two events that require presents? There was a lot of talk, talk, talk. In the end, they actually got married on back east and none of us were invited, so we had done a lot of worrying for nothing.
Interestingly enough (and something else we talked and talked about) they had actually been engaged something like nine months when they threw the party. We thought that was odd. In retrospect, maybe it was like an early reception for all their friends out here, although it would have been more usual (where I live) to actually throw a second reception, after the wedding, for those who couldn't or wouldn't travel for the wedding.
did not have an engagement party.
the ones i have been to have been small... usually a sit down dinner gathering of around 20 ppl. i do know ppl host gatherings for different groups of ppl... one with family, one with friends, etc.
We didn't have one either. And I've never actually been to one. I'm on the west coast, I don't think many people have them here.
My parents are traditional, so they requested for an engagement and we had one two months into our engagement (vietnamese tradition). We didn't want our families to be deprived of the honor behind the engagement. It was more ceremonial than a party that involved fiance and his family asking their permission for my hand in marriage (they brought gifts, drowry-like as part of the tradition). The only guests were families (extending only to grandparents, aunts & uncles and first cousins...and no gifts other than the one the groom's family bring to my parents). The engagement acted as the introduction of the two families and the acceptance of the coming wedding. Its very common practice in our culture..and my fiance's family who are mexican really enjoyed the significance of our engagement ceremony...they were honored to have been involved.
Actually what a nice thing to have some tradition to get the parents together. FI and I are scheming now (after four months engaged with five months to the wedding) of how to get his mom and brother and my parents in the same room sometime before the RD. Doesn't seem like it should be that difficult.
we had one but it was just an excuse to get together for drinks. We just wanted to celebrate with our friends about one month after we got engaged. It was really casual, we made reservations at a pool hall, everyone just ahd a few drinks a mingled but everyone had a great time and ask us throw another one!
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No one in my area (Midwest) does these. I have heard they are rare now. According to some research, traditionally, it was used as a opportunity to announce the engagement to the unsuspecting family. The parents would hold a party and the couple would surprise everyone (except the parents, who already knew) with the news. It then turned into an engagement party. Obviously, no gifts were brought.
The etiquette for engagement parties is: 1.) Do not invite anyone to the engagement party that isn't invited to the wedding. 2.) Guests are not suppposed to bring gifts.
I looked these things up when a friend and our parents asked to throw us an engagement party over the holidays. We are in San Diego, and my parents flew in from the East and his parents from Seattle for the party. Other than our parents, it was all our friends in San Diego. It was a great opportunity for our parents to meet each other for the first time and for them to get to know our friends better. Everyone had such a good time.
We were once invited to an e-party by a Southern couple, and it really seemed they expected presents (and people brought them). Maybe it is different there. Regardless, we did not want any of our guests to even consider bringing gifts; so though it may be a bit gauche, the invitations read "no gifts please" - and it worked - no one brought them! We all drank way too much and had such a fabulous time.
My FI proposed on December 24, 2007 and our Engagement Party is set for April 12, 2008! (Wedding Day is May 23, 2009!) We are getting married in Tucson but the Engagement Party is in Phoenix where a large chunk of my extended family lives.
We are having a fun, informal family gathering at one of my uncle's BIG houses and my FI's small family (mom, dad, sister & brother-in-law) is flying in from Cali to meet my HUGE family (like over 40 people). My parents are divorced so it will be the first time that either side of that family has mingled so things should be pretty interesting...
We came up with a neat cost-cutting idea though: Unity through food! So our party is going to be a pot-luck with individuals bringing his/her "signature" dish or drink (because, hello, this can't be MY famiy w/o some kind of alcohol around). We are going to have placecards in front of eash dish so everyone knows this one is "Gramma's Blue Willow Potato Salad" or "Aunt Patty's Cheese Sticks" etc etc. We are also asking everyone to bring copies of their signature dish recipe so we can set it up on a pretty table and everyone can share their food! It will be a generational recipe display or something like that. Everyone likes to show off their cooking and everyone likes to gain new recipes for their repetoire so everyone wins!
My FI, mom and dad are going to supply more substantial dishes like the meats, etc but everything else will take care of itself. I know Engagement Parties aren't required but I think it is never too early to get our families mingling/blending/celebrating so we can enjoy the time leading up to our nuptials together!
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We had one and it was SOOO fun. I liked the idea because we were going to have a long engagement and also I really wanted our extended families to meet. It was at my parents' house, last year on the Valentine's weekend (like right after V-day) and my theme was black and white with red heart accents. I asked everyone to wear black and white and just threw a fabulous party and had such an amazing time. You really appreciate the amount of love and support of your family at an event like that, and unlike the wedding, you can really sit back and marvel at it. Some people brought gifts, but if they asked me or my mom we said "no they (we) are not registered and you do not need to bring anything." Most gifts were small and sentimental, like wedding advice books, picture frames, champagne etc.
suzanno, you mentioned a "second reception for people who can't and won't come" to the wedding. is this done often where you're from? i just ask bc my wedding is in philly and my FI's family is all from pittsburgh, and my FMIL sees it as totally fine to have a "second reception" for people who can't/won't come to the wedding. i've tried to move past seeing it as a way to usurp the actual wedding (and to try to get guests to come to her party, not the wedding), but if this is a common practice, that wouldn't be the case at all and she's just trying to be inclusive of everyone (which is what my FI keeps telling me). let me know!
ps -- i didn't mean to hijack the original thread! i'm not having one bc my engagement was short and we don't live near our families and friends. but i know people definitely do. the ones i've been to though have been small and low-key, with no gifts (ie, at the bride's mom's house, half catered food/half potluck).
We had one - hosted by FMIL I think she probably invited about 100 people. We probably had about 70 there - I don't know it seemed like a lot of people but I didn't count (the invitation # is pretty close). My mom, his mom told people if they asked gifts weren't expected. We probably had about 15 people bring something - mostly smallish or giftcards. My one BM/ best friend got us a wine cellar - she says when she goes to engagement parties (she's from Massachussetts) gifts are expected. (I don't think she meant that big - I think that was a personal decision and she got others to go in on it).
I don't know it was great - it did give me an idea of what it is to be the center of attention which is quite a crazy feel. The whole thing just flew by talking to different people.
I agree, if you invite someone to the engagement party they are supposed to be invited to the wedding. In my experience people were uncertain about the gift aspect - so it was a mixed bag. It did help motivate us to finish the wedding list.
We had one at my FI's father's house, which is the same location as where we are getting married. I think we had about half the people we are inviting to the wedding attend since a lot of our family and friends would need to be travelling long distance. The party was July 14, 2007 and we are getting married June 28, 2008. The only things that really stressed me out about it was the fact that it rained for the first half of the party and everyone was stuck inside the house (about 50 people) and that people, for whatever reason, didn't take the engagement party invite as seriously as say a wedding invite (a lot just "assumed (we) would know" what they were doing) so the day before we were running around and calling people to see whether or not they were actually coming so that we had enough food. :P
The night we got engaged, we went to see FMIL/FFIL, and before we left, FMIL had the eparty planned and a guest list figured out, for two weeks later.
It was mostly people in town, and relatively casual. My dad made a little toast, we had some food, and later about half the party escaped to play beer pong. (Somehow, it became a father/son tournament, but that's a story for another post. :))
Re: gifts, if people did bring something (about half did, and we didn't expect anything), it was something small like a card and a bottle of wine. Very sweet.
I think they're semi common here (in central Kentucky), but we did not have one for whatever reason. A lot of it had to do with the fact that we aren't close geographically to many of our friends or to my family.
I had a small-ish one thrown by the In laws not long after we got engaged. It was close family and the wedding party - or those we intended to ask. It was nice and fun. No need to have another. OH, and we had it at the In Laws house...
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We had one. We invited 30 close friends and local family and had it in the bar area of a nice restaurant in the same city where we live/are getting married. It cost about $400 for all the food and drinks and we paid for it ourselves. It was from 6-8 PM and we served house wines and a tapas buffet. 30 was the perfect number to invite - any more and we wouldn't have gotten to say hi to everyone. About half the guests brought a gift and most were in the $50 range. We got a lot of restaurant gift certificates and candles.
We had one too. We had a brunch for 40 at Savoy, a restaurant here in NYC. It was wonderful, good food, wine and celebration. We wanted a chance to celebrate since we had a (little over) year long engagement. We didn't mention gifts because we assumed no one would bring them... but we were wrong. We got lots of cute, fairly small gifts. Although a few guests splurged.
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We did not have one since I didn't really see a need for it and that helped with the budgeting as well. The parents did meet where FI's mom made dinner for my family to come over last year. It was nice and intimate without having to go to great lengths to achieve. =)
We were given an engagement party by friends of ours here in the town in which we live (not either of our hometowns). They invited only our close friends and we made it very clear that there were to be no gifts! It was a small party (about 10 couples) and it was just a low-key, fun dinner party to celebrate our engagement. It was thoughtful, touching and perfect.
Also, since I live about 12 hours from my parents and my hometown, my parents did throw us a post-wedding "open house" at Christmastime so that their friends (who were invited to the wedding but couldn't make the long journey) could meet us. It was larger, with about 50-75 people, but it was low-key, as well, with just heavy appetizers and drinks.
Rebecca - We do second receptions, or later receptions a lot in my family. All my mom's family (7 brothers, 2 sisters, and all the cousins) live here in WA. My sister is in NM, and I have several cousins in CA. So I think its just polite - if the wedding is at a distance from your family and its not practical for them all to travel - to let them in on the celebration. The second reception is usually a month or so after the wedding, when its convenient for the bride and groom to travel. (My sister's wedding was in NM at Thanksgiving, and the reception we threw for her in WA was between Christmas and New Years.)
I also have a number of cousins who are LDS, and of course since the temple ceremony is limited, there is always a later reception for everyone else. You simply can't have 250 people at your temple ceremony. Also, many of them are married in the SLC temple, which brings up the issue of travel again.
There is a bride on the boards (sorry, can't remember who) who is actually being married in England, and was posting about her second reception here in the states.
I would think of it as a version of the after-party - just longer after and farther away. And I don't think that people will not come to your wedding just because there is a second reception. But I do think that the people who can't come will appreciate getting to congratulate you and celebrate with you in person.
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we did not have one - it wasnt a big deal to him, and i didnt really have an opinion on having one at the time... plus alot of my family and a few friends are spread throughout this planet and frankly, i didnt want to deal... (no wonder my name is Anti-Zilla!!)
I had two enagement parties too- it was fine since the guest lists were completely different- one was in my hometown in CT at a local country club with a DJ and catered food and open ar (approx $12,000 budget) and I had on in CA where my fiancee is from and that was at his house. It can be done as extravagently or as inexpensively as you want. Even the house one had a DJ, catering, rented tables etc (ended up being over $10,000 as well). If you have any more questions, I'd be happy to help.
No questions really as everything is already decided pretty much that we will be having 2 extremely large (by wedding bee standards)engagement parties with separate guests in attendance at both. Thanks for the insight girls!
We didn't have one. I've attended my friend's engagement party and it was a huge event at her parent's house. They had great Persian food, a DJ and a gift registry set up. They even had a cake, toasts from both families and a professional photographer. The couple held a separate "sweets and champagne" evening before the wedding. I have heard of huge engagement celebrations in many cultures. Although we didn't have one, I think its a great idea to celebrate early with close friends and family, but I wouldn't want guests to bring gifts.
We had our engagement party last Saturday in DUMBO, NYC. It was beautiful!! :)
The weather, ambiance, and people were all great. Everyone said they had a great time. They loved the food (we made Latin/Caribbean food, to go with our wedding theme and our heritage) and the adorable cupcakes we provided (though I'm still very salty about the cupcake thief/thieves, as we didn't get to taste any of our own cupcakes!). If only I weren't working - to making sure that everyone else had what they needed/wanted; I might've had fun, too! But, I'm glad that our families and friends got to meet each other. Plus, I got to see a sneak preview of which of our attendants were truly helpful (and weren't) and which of our non-attendant friends went above and beoynd to lessen the stress on us. I sooo appreciated that, especially since the day of ANY event, it can be quite chaotic. Planning a wedding - and all of the pre-wedding parties) really helps you see who your true friends really are. I'm still bothered about a few people who RSVP'd to say they'd be there but then totally flaked...and 6 days later, stiill haven't sent even a text message to say "sorry, we can't/couldn't make it". Thank goodness it was only a few of those...
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Who's having one, where (in relation to where you are getting married and the venue of the party itself), how big, issues etc.
thanks, just doing some research to see "averages"- We are having two, one in my hometown, one here and the hometown one (thrown by my mother) is getting a little insane imo (as in she wants to hire the same band we're having for our wedding...).