- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Sorry, it’s a lengthy vent.
After I got engaged my parents wanted to have an engagement party. I didn’t want very many people and they offered up $500. I was happy with it and as a student I’ve learned to make money go far. I was going to have about 20 people at this family style Italian restaurant in one of their banquet rooms. They would provide everything, even unlimited non-alcoholic beverages and clean-up. They quoted me just under $500 for a Saturday afternoon lunch.
Then my Mom suggested using a room in her building saying we could have more people if we did it that way. She said she didn’t like that they were “throwing” the party and paying for it but that I picked where it was going to be. I was wary but I didn’t argue. Her ideas irked me from the get-go. It was sounding more like a kid’s birthday party. My parents are divorced but good friends and my Dad works quite a bit and my Mom has mobility issues. We got invitations out that my fiance and I hand-made and about a week to go before the party nothing had been purchased… No decorations, no food, no nothing. I finally talked to my Dad about how about 40 people were coming, some from out of state who’d left after college, and he gave me his card to pick food. So, I picked food. I talked to my Mom about decorations and she told me to go buy some because apparently I owed her $150 from three years ago. I was really angered by this because she’s the type that would remind you weekly if you owed her money and I’d been in a position to pay her so many times.
Here I was picking up food and buying decorations for a party I wasn’t even supposed to be throwing. I was frustrated because if I was going to do all that I would have had it at the other place where they would have handled everything.
The day of the party we were missing several things. My Mom was never able to go out to get plates, napkins, drinks…you name it. I went out and spent nearly $300 on chaffing dish rentals, drinks, napkins, serving wear. She told me to just buy plain vegetables and not a tray and drop them off and she’d make a tray. It never got done.
My fiance had to pick people up from the airport before the party so with a couple hours before the party I decorated the whole room, picked up and set up food, set up trays… I was sweating terribly and oil from the salad got all over the shirt I’d planned to wear. I called my brother in a panic to go to my house to get me a hair tie (I have curly hair and I had straightened for the party and sweating had made it look awful) and a different outfit to wear. I described one for him and he couldn’t find it. At the party I had my hair pulled back, all my makeup had sweat off, and I was wearing an old cardigan with a hole in the shoulder.
Because of their insistance that they (my parents) had been communicating and would handle it, I never asked anyone for any help with anything. So, I spent $450, set it up myself, was stressed and depressed… Honestly, I have real regrets that I didn’t just reserve what I wanted and pay for it myself at the restaurant to begin with. I’m left at a loss to figure out what they “threw” for me. And then at the party my Dad sat outside with my stepmother the whole time, never came in to talk to anyone. I broke down crying as I cleaned it up with my fiance after everyone left and my walked in and saw. She called me “ungrateful.”
I honestly can’t describe how I feel at this. I’m so SHOCKED! ANGRY! SAD! They honestly had no idea why the day was upsetting.
Seeing this made me think long and hard about my wedding. I’ve been so distraught over how sad and stressful that day was for me that I flat-out get full-blown anxiety thinking about a wedding. There have been times when someone brings up weddings and I go out to the car and call my fiance and he has to talk me down. You know what he has to say? “Don’t worry baby, our wedding won’t be for another year…” He has to reassure me by telling me we’re not getting married right now. It’s so sad.
The stress and their flippant attitudes really broke my heart and I would count that party, my own (first and hopefully last) engagement party, as one of the worst days I’ve had in years. I’m a returning business student in my senior year and stress has always been high… But this was over the top.
My fiance supports me and as much as I wanted a traditional wedding and as much as his large Catholic family would like to see that happen… We’re going to elope when we’re ready. We’ll do something pretty, maybe a destination thing in Hawaii, but we’re going to elope.