Post # 1
Well guys we are getting off to a depressing start…. My FI’s mother pass a few days ago on his birthday. We were in the process of planning an engagement party, but I’m debating calling the entire thing off because he is really having a hard time dealing with the loss of his mother. The engagement party is in September but there’s still a lot of planning that’s left to be done. My sister is the planner(along w/our help) and she said that she if she was in my shoes, she would definitely cancel. She also suggested that we just have a party when we return from our honeymoon since we’ve purchased everything for the party except the food. What do you guys think? I mean, I really don’t care at this point, but I can’t help but feel that later on, I will wonder what I missed out on by not having it. I will never get married for the first time again and the selfish side of me just want the full wedding experience.
Post # 4
I am sorry for your FI’s and your loss.
My suggestion is to postpone it for a few months and then rethink when to have it. Right now, your FI needs time to heal and to grieve.
Post # 5
I agree with noritake. You don’t have to cancel it completely…just push it back a few months to give yourselves a little more time if you need it. Have you asked your FI what he wants to do? What would his mom want you to do? Do you think she would want the celebration of your engagement to stop cause she isn’t there? It may be that you guys need something to look forward to…and this just might be it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2011 - The Viceroy
I agree with the other posters. Push it back and then see how you feel. I am sorry for your loss, wishing you all the best.
Post # 7
I am so sorry, that is so sad!! I would say push it back, maybe you can have it later. Right now is a time to be there for your FI, there is just no room for a “selfish side” when there is the death of a parent. I’m sorry.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs – we never had an engagement party and I never even think of it!
The best thing to do for your FI’s sake and his family is to focus on them and their needs and then celebrate when it’s more appropriate. I think the idea of doing something after the honeymoon is a great idea.
Post # 9
Talk to your FI and see how he’s feeling. You have plenty of time to still have an engagement party in a couple of months, even if it is not the begining of your engagement, you will still enjoy it!
Post # 10
I never saw the point of them to begin with, that said – I think out of respect this would give the family an opportunity to focus on their greiving instead of celebrating with you two.
Post # 11
I would postpone it. Your wedding isn’t until September 2011, so you still have over a year. Give you FI’s family time to heal. I’d even host it early in 2011, like January or Feb… If you bought stuff already for the party, save it. I think, in the end, your FILs will appreciate your gesture. It shows you really care about them.
Post # 12
Thanks guys. I think I will probably cancel it and save everything for our return after the honeymoon. I agree with you sweetpea, there’s no time for selfishness when someone is greiving…. I don’t know what I was thinking when I typed that.
Thanks again guys!
Post # 13
wait.. what would you be celebrating after the honeymoon if you had a party?
… you cant really have an engagement party after the honeymoon.
Post # 14
@mandiehoward: is your wedding date correct, or are we missing something else that makes you say it’s September or not until after the honeymoon? I’d say if you’re not getting married until Sept 2011, just push the engagement party back until you feel comfortable, like Jan/Feb.
We never had an engagement party, and I don’t think I really miss it. If you don’t do a full blown party, maybe just have a wedding party get together for everybody to meet eachother when your FI feels up to it.
Post # 15
christie, of course we can’t have an engagement party after the wedding, but we can certainly have a party anytime.To answer your question, we can celebrate coming home from our honeymoon, or celebrate just to be celebrating…. I mean do we really have to have a reason? We are having a beach wedding and some of our family and friends will not be able to attend. I think that having a party (once we return from our honeymoon) to celebrate our union with family and friends that couldn’t make it to the wedding sounds like a lot of fun to me. We entertain all the time, so this wouldn’t be anything out of the norm for our family and friends. We don’t necessary need a reason to have a party…. we might even have one this weekend….no real reason, just because. We have a lot of friends and family and there is always somebody having a party or havinga get together or something every weekend. What can I say, we are just happy people and we love being around our family and friends!
SapphireS. I think that’s an excellent idea. We might do something at the cheesecake factory or carrabbas…. that sounds doable and age appropriate for everyone. I’ll just wait until sometime maybe January to even suggest this. We will still have a party once we return though
Oh! And yes the date is correct.
Post # 16
i like your attitude about having a party anytime and celebrating your coming home as husband and wife! Good call. I hope he is doing better 🙁 I’m sorry this happened.