- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
So, my FH and I didn’t originally plan to have an engagement party, but my sister and mother both really wanted us to. We agreed to it as long as we could keep it simple and just have a bbq to get the families together as our families hadn’t met yet (not even our parents). We said it was going to be kept to immediate family (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, first cousins). We only sent out an evite, and even that was only to people whose emails I had on hand, half of my fiance’s family just were informed by word of mouth. My Aunt/Godmother who would be visiting from CA when we planned the party for reached out to me to ask me to invite her best friend who I have grown to be very close family friends with, because she is like family to her and it would mean so much to her to be included. I said sure, originally it was only immediate family but that’s fine. So anyway, then I started thinking about a 2nd cousin of mine, Sue- she’s my fathers first cousin and my mother’s best friend, and I’ve always been extremely close with her, so I decided to extend the invite. I then got together with her son and his wife who have 2 babies on a random afternoon, and I realized that it would be an opportunity to get their 2 kids together with my sister’s daughter, so I was like hey we’re having a bbq you should stop by. I let his brother know about the party literally 2 days before via facebook because I realized I had never mentioned it to him. The two of them were probably my closest relatives growing up, in terms of who I spent time with. My father’s other 1st cousin, Sue’s brother, who we aren’t as close with lives across the street but when I brought up inviting him and his wife to my mother, she said they were going to be on vacation, so getting the word to them wasn’t really at the top of the priority list. Party was on Saturday, on Thursday night visiting with my aunt and uncle at the beach they mentioned they were getting together with our cousins across the street, who were, in fact, on vacation at the beach. We were in a hurry to go as my niece needed to get home and sleep, so the next day I was like oh let me tell aunt chris to text them to let them know about the bbq and that they’re welcome to come if they are home, since I know she’s in contact with them. She said she didnt know their schedule but would let them know.
So Saturday goes fine, though I was super stressed out trying to make sure everyone was getting along and comfortable and I was giving both sides of the family enough attention. So the night starts winding down and people leave and I’m finally starting to relax and I look at my phone and I have a facebook message from my cousin’s wife, not super confrontational but saying she needed to clear the air as her husband’s whole family was invited and she didn’t understand why they were not. She said that Sue told them that she told us how horrible and mean it was to not invite them but that I said I didn’t want them there and she didn’t didn’t understand why and they are devastated.
So hopefully the rest of you brides-to-be can understand that after a frazzling day to finally wind down and then see a message like that, i probably got a little more upset than I normally would. It turns out that when my cousins left the neighbor-cousins accosted them and basically screamed at specifically Sue that if they weren’t invited she shouldn’t have came and how wrong it all is. My aunt from CA told me she HAD called them, just not until Saturday like an hour before the party, but she did tell them that she was supposed to get the word to them earlier. These people are KNOWN (specifically the wife) to be totally crazy and irrational- within the family, town school system, etc. So not only did they yell at Sue, but then later my father walked over and was like “Hey! Come have a beer!” and they jumped down HIS throat, so finding that out REALLY put me over the edge. I basically tried to be diplomatic with them and explained the whole thing as a misunderstanding and they were fine with me- but decided to use the whole thing against Sue, who has strained relations w/ her sister-in-law (family drama I was privvy to but never witnessed firsthand before this). There were the yelling incidents, plus a really nasty rant of a facebook post on Sue’s wall (this is from a 50 year old woman!), plus the wife kept insisting to me how DEVASTATED they were, after I had clearly explained it was a misunderstanding and there weren’t real invitations sent out anyway, the word just got to them late, and I apologized several times for that. So when this woman (who regularly interacts with other people by SCREAMING in their faces) said that we were in poor taste and that if we didn’t want people invited we should have HAD THE PARTY AT A RESTAURANT, i couldn’t remain diplomatic anymore. I basically told her that she sounded crazy, please don’t insinuate that we need to have a party anywhere but our backyard due to who our neighbors are, especially considering the fact that we DID invite them, and that if she doesn’t have enough real problems I’ll give her some of mine so she can stop obsessing over bs.
My question is… what do I do now? Should I try to resolve further or just leave it at that? Do I invite them to the shower and the wedding and just leave the ball in their court? I just worry that that bears the risk of drama at other events, especially since they have the vendetta against Sue. My issue is I think that as adults they had 2 choices- 1. be insulted by the late invite, don’t come over, and that’s that or 2. come over and have some food and drinks and get over it but instead she chose option 3- to be melodramatic and scream at people and make everything about themselves. I know I had my part in it but there was no malintent and I just am still really repulsed by how everything played out.
Ps… at one point she mentioned how her husband’s aunt and uncle and his cousins were invited- oh you mean my grandparents and my father and his brothers? Give me a break, how narcissistic can you get?!