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I think you should keep everything as is. Your parents knew about the party being planned (I assume?) and had plenty of opportunities to offer to throw you guys a party themselves. To me, it sounds like too little, too late on their end and if you and you're FI are happy with the way the party is going to be, then don't change anything..Maybe give your parents a few specific party-related tasks (slideshow of pics from when you guys were small, favors, etc) so they feel more involved?
I'm with rungurl10. If your parents want to throw the party, do they have money they want to contribute? If so, they, there is actually a bigger party...your wedding... they can sink their teeth into. Are you close to your aunt? Do you get along with her? If so, I think you should explain to your parents that you still have a relationship with her, and that you want to stay out of their dispute. And accept the generosity of your loving aunt. She is still your family, after all. And really, if she did do this to be a thorn in their side, I think the best thing for your parents to do, is gleefully thank her for taking the job off their hands. She's just looking for them to be stewing over it.
If by chance your FI's family isn't hosing the RD, perhaps your parents can take charge of that party.
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Back when my FI and I got engaged, my grandmother and my aunt offered to throw us an e-party with my aunt actually planning the party and my grandmother footing the bill. I unthinkingly said yes. We had a lot of stress over the fact that my aunt wanted to throw me the party she thought we should want, no the party we actually did want. My parents did not offer to throw me a party.
Now it is 2 months until the party, we've picked a place and the food (and FI and I were actually really happy with the way it was shaping up) and now my parents let me know that they are upset that they are being excluded from all party planning by my aunt.
My aunt and my dad (it's his sister) don't get along. A small part of me thinks she offered to throw this party deliberately as a way to exclude my parents. Now my grandmother is saying she'll just send a check to my dad and my parents can throw the party. Unfortunately, my parents will be traveling up until right before the party, they don't throw big parties, and I know that them throwing the party will result in a lot of stress on me.
My plan was to ask my aunt to still throw the party, and to just include my parents more. I think this will end up in everybody being unhappy, and I'm not sure my parents would agree to it.
Help! What should I do? Do I just let my parents throw the party and brace myself for all the stress? Or do I beg my aunt to throw the party and let her keep hurting my parent's feelings?