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traditionally a formal engagement party would only include those invited to the wedding. but in our case we threw our own combined w a christmas party and invited all our friends, but we're not inviting everyone that was there to the wedding. if i could re-do, id probably mention at the party that we're having a small family wedding (okay the guest list has grown to 180+ but its mostly family!). to answer the question, in your case i think it's fine to have the party, especially if everyone knows the wedding is destination and family only.
I've only been to one engagement party, and it was the bride and grooms way of letting everyone that was going to be in the wedding meet each other.
When we finally get engaged, ours will strictly be family, and our closest friends.
Ooops... I forgot to answer your question.
I say, go ahead with your party planning! (Especially since some people won't be able to go to the wedding, or even be invited.)
Nope - If the engagement party is thrown by a friend or even family and not by the couple then it does not matter who is on the guest list. The invitees should be friends of the couple but othere than that you are not obligating the couple to invite anyone. That said, if there is anyone on the list that you feel would expect to be invited to the wedding because of the party then do not invite them. There is no need to cause the couple problems.
If you are still worried about this issue maybe you could phrase the invite in such away that people realize they are having a very limited guest list at the wedding. Or you could be sure to have that info mentioned at the party.
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My mind is running away with fun ideas for a surprise engagement party for some newly engaged friends..... I may have hit a road block though....
I already know my friends are planning a very small/destination family wedding with maybe 2-3 friends invited. So the majority of people in town that would be invited to this engagement party are not on the guest list. I would say 15 of the 20 party attendees won't be invited to the wedding. Does the engagement party follow the same etiquette of the bridal shower?? Only invite those on the guest list?
Everyone knows the wedding will be small, so I don't think anyone expects to be invited. No one is required to bring gifts to this party. EVERYONE wants to share in their joy and help them celebrate! Just cause they won't be at the wedding doesn't mean they aren't happy for the couple and enjoy a good party!
What do you think? Faux pas or not? Should I keep planing the party :)