Post # 1
Ok hive, is it really that bad for the couple to host their own engagement party?
I’ve been looking it up on Google, and every.single.site. says “no matter what, the friends of the couple hosts, the parents host, siblings…etc.” This is making me worried! Would people really notice? It’s pretty much a large group of college kids, our family members and random assortment of friends.
My FI and I will be throwing it ourselves. Or rather, we’re the first to get married out of the siblings of our families so it’s not like our families know to throw one anyways.
Edit: I should ask too, does this make us seem selfish? Of course we aren’t expecting gifts or anything but..I don’t know! I just get this feeling that it makes us seem so.
It’s also not a formal party by any means. BBQ/volleyball/beer!
Post # 3
We know a couple who hosted not one, but TWO engagement parties for themselves. We didn’t attend either, but it wasn’t really because they threw the parties themselves.
Post # 4
J and I are technically throwing our own engagement BBQ/party. His mom is involved, but I’m doing most of planning, inviting, etc. I don’t see how there’s anything wrong with it. -shrugs- guess I don’t care much to follow all of the “rules”.
Post # 5
@iheartnerds: Wow, 2! Can I ask why you didn’t attend?
@DesireeAnne: Ok, great! Our parents are involved (it will be at one of our houses) but like you I’m doing the planning, decorating, etc.
Post # 6
We will be hosting our own engagement party/housewarming. It would be weird to do two events and weird for someone to throw us a housewarming in our house. This way it saves people time and money to just come to one event. Right or wrong that is what we are planning.
Post # 7
@teacherandageek: Totally have fun with it. I really don’t think people are going to noticed. I don’t expect anything from anyone except to have fun and relax. 🙂
ETA: My invitation read:
“Please join us for our engagement BBQ on July 16th, 2011! There will be tons of food, sun and drinks. Please bring a bathing suit if you’d like to enjoy the pool!”
I think it’s pretty simple and relaxed enough for people to not even notice that I’m throwing it.
Post # 8
If you wanna have a party, then have it!! I don’t think it matters who hosts, honestly
Post # 9
I think it is completely appropriate to throw yourself an engagement party. If we hadn’t taken the initiative to host a party, we wouldn’t have gotten one at all. My family lives far away, as well as MOH. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Look at it this way: you get to pick the food, music, location, mood of the party, etc. At least it will be what you want! 🙂 Good luck.
Post # 10
I never thought it was inappropriate to host your own. You’re there for a celebration, no matter who’s hosting it!
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s inappropriate since you aren’t asking for gifts at an engagement party.
Post # 12
An engagement party is traditionally thrown by one or the other set of parents to announce the engagement, and if you’ve managed to keep it quiet until then, no one will know to bring gifts. Since most of the ones we’ve been invited to were not surprises and included registry information, the presumption was that gifts were expected. Many times the registries got almost cleaned out even before the bridal showers!
I DO think it’s weird to throw your own just as I’d be put off if someone threw their own wedding or baby shower. Casual or not, people will still think they need to bring gifts.
Post # 13
We threw our own – it was last weekend. We split the cost 3 ways with us and both sets of parents. I sorted everything out: venue, food, music, invites, guests etc. No-one batted an eyelid!
Go for it x
Post # 14
We threw our own though my mother did offer to pay for the food. We had it at our house because, well, we threw it. Also, since my parents are divorced my house is always a “safe” middle ground.
Post # 15
We started the ball rolling on our engagement party – for us it was mostly because we wanted to have a chance to celebrate with some of our friends overseas that we knew wouldn’t be able to make it to the US for our wedding – but my in-laws were the official hosts by the end. I made our invites and my hubby and I made the desserts, so it was a kinda halfsy thing. Honestly I don’t think there is etiquette against throwing your own since it’s traditionally not a gift giving event.
Post # 16
Well since you all started this conversation.. let me add a question to the mix..
How long after the proposal is TOO long to throw an engagement party?
It’s been 3 months nwo and I don’t think my parents will be throwing us an engagement party even though I have mentioned who I’d like there and where AND the dress I will wear. (I wanted to make it simple and less expensive for my parents). ANd I know HIS side won’t be helping us at all so I’m thinking maybe we should throw our own little party at our neighborhood bar/pub with our friends but I have to see how much $$ that woudl cost. I don’t know if I should stress this or not but at some point isn’t it like ” NOW you’re throwing an engagement party?” (Our wedding isn’t for at least 2 years). Thoughts?