Post # 1
Ok so here is my dilemma…
I am a middle child; my older sister (who is on her second husband) didnt have anything other than a courthouse wedding and my younger sister, is commited to living out the Sex and the City life (Samantha, not Charlotte) so I am my parents only hope for a larger wedding. My father hasnt had the chance to throw parties or walk his little girl down the aisle so with my upcoming wedding, he couldnt be more excited! He has contributed financially to the wedding and is planning on throwing us this great engagement party.
Upon discussing said party with my FMIL and her side of the guest list, she was vocal in stating that she didnt believe we should have one thus stalling the guest list (she eventually decided that people who arent coming to the wedding should be invited). It was, frustrating, to say the least but I moved past it, just chalking up her attitude to financial concerns.
Then I talked about the party with Mr. H
Seems he believes my parents should allocate the funds from the engagement party and put it into the wedding. He also believed that since its so late in the game (5 months until the wedding), that it shouldnt be called an enegagement party, but how quickly he forgets that when the most appropriate time for the party last year, I lost my grandmother and an engagement party so close to the funeral just didnt seem right or good timing.
Am I wrong for feeling Mr. H is being selfish? In grateful?
I was offended about his lack of respect for my parents wishes. Despite the fact that we’re not going to me financially responsible for the party, Mr. H still would have rather had the money to use towards the wedding…please help! I am too stunned for words!
Post # 3
It sounds like the engagement party funds are separate from the wedding funds. If that is the case, and your parents want to throw you a party to celebrate using their own funds, that is their choice, and you and he should both be honored to accept.
If the engagement party funds are coming out of their contribution to the wedding, then perhaps you should talk to your parents about it, look at your overall budget, and decide the best use of all of the funds. However, in the end, it is still your parents’ money, and if this is how they want to spend it on you, Mr. H should really be nothing but grateful.
Post # 4
I am sorry that you have to go through this but I have to say that I kind of agree with Mr. H. I only say this because with only 5 months before your wedding to have an engagement party now, then the wedding shortly after, I think that is kind of close and might be expecting a lot of guests.
But you are still justified in your feelings if this is what you truly want and I completely understand why you didn’t do one back when the opportunity had originally presented itself. Would you possibly consider letting your father take you both and your families out to a more intimate dinner as a way of celebrating your engagement? Or perhaps make the party more casual and throw a BBQ calling it something other than an engagement party? Just some ideas. Good Luck
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I don’t think 5 months before the wedding is too soon to have an engagement party at all! I think you’re totally within your right to want one and it’s unfair of your FH to ask otherwise…If your parents are contributing the same amount of money to the wedding regardless of the engagement party, then it’s not within your FH’s or your right to ask your parents to give that money for the wedding. They want to use it for the engagement party, that’s their perogative…I hope you end up having it bc an engagement party is a really fun time to celebrate the fact that you two are engaged!!
Post # 6
Honestly, I don’t think your fiance has any say in how your parents choose to spend their money. Even if the engagement party does have an effect on the wedding budget, it’s still your parents money to spend how they choose. Now, if your fiance just isn’t comfortable with the idea of an engagement party at all, that’s another story. He shouldn’t be forced to attend an event meant to celebrate him if he will be unhappy there. I think you should all sit down and come up with an option that everyone is happy with. Maybe a small “engagement dinner” with just close family?