- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Hi-this is a little long, please bear with me!
I am a little torn what to do. My fiance and I got engaged in april after being together for 2.5 years. We have picked our venue, put down a deposit and set a date for Sept 2011 so we can save money and not go into debt planning a wedding.
My fiance is born and raised here in nyc, so all his family is here. He has a huge family, lots of aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. I have NO family here, they are spread out all over the country, my dad in DC and my mom a 1 hour plane ride away (8 hour drive)
My Future Mother-In-Law is a great lady, but she is really kind of nuts. She is currently unemployed and spends her days coming up with wedding ideas etc..i listen to her and am kind to her as i know she is lonely and this is her only child. She is extremely close to him and is kind of overbearing, but I have learned to except it and mostly brush it off, but speak up only when it is necessary.
Originally, i agreed to having an engagement party. My parents are contributing to our wedding, his parents are not. They are totally broke, so it is understandable.
His grandparents offered to give us their wedding gift early (1k) and also throw in $500.00 for the engagement party as their engagement gift. They will be giving us this money regardless if we have a party or not.
500 is a nice chunk of change to put towards the wedding, and 1000 is a lot of money that i would rather have after the wedding to put towards a house.
the problem is-his mother is relentless about the engagement party–and she wouldn’t even be contributing to it–his grandparents are. she has this notion that “unless u throw an engagement party, no one will send you money for your engagemet” We live in NYC and it is kind of customary here to have a party and family brings money, it’s just how its done.
i thought about having the party, and then realized that i’d rather save the 1500 and not spend it on a party—if my Future Mother-In-Law was throwing it, i’d have no problem, but it is kind of rude to tell us what to do with our gift?
she says she has nothing to do during the day and the wedding planning gives her purpose..she has issues. My fiance doesn’t care either way, whatever i want he says. my Future Mother-In-Law and her sisters tell us its dumb to have an engagement party, just sound out engagement announcements and “:they will send us money towards the wedding as they know my fiances parents cannot contribute”
do i have the party with our ‘engagement + wedding gift’ from his grandparents, or say forget it? there is no way we can have an engagement party for less than 1500…but his mom says “people will bring you money” tacky.
I do not expect money from anyone, as i think his grandparents are being generous. his aunts and uncles are well off, and tell us theyd like to contribute to the wedding as they know his parents cant–but they need some type of ‘formal announcement’ to feel justified in helping.