Engagement party with college friends without invitation to wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this tacky?
    Yes : (25 votes)
    43 %
    No : (32 votes)
    55 %
    Other (please explain) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The “etiquette” answer would be that you don’t invite anyone to any wedding-related events (engagement party, shower bachelorette party, etc), unless they’re also invited to the wedding. Also, you wouldn’t plan/host your own engagement party, someone would throw the party for you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6872 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    We threw ourselves an engagement party *gasp* because we wanted it to be a PARTY, not some brunch that granny could come to. So we had a house party and asked our friends to BYOB. We provide snack type foods, but it was more like a college party than an engagement party I guess? We just wanted an excuse to celebrate and have a fun time with our friends. Oh, and we’re having a tiny civil ceremony, so hardly anyone that came to the engagement party is invited to our wedding. *Double Gasp*

    Our friends are super laid back and don’t care about things like that… especially etiquette, lol. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @cmbr:  +1

     

    OP, you wouldn’t throw your own party, and really, you shouldn’t invite anyone to any wedding related events unless they will be invited to the wedding.  I suppose if your college friends took it upon themselves to throw you a party with no expectation of a wedding invite, that’s on them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think that’s totally fine. It’s not like you’re asking them to host it for you, so you’re just being nice and throwing a party for friends. I wouldn’t be offended AT ALL. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Have the party and invite all your friends. At this point no one is expecting you to have your wedding figured out – budget, guest list etc. So much can change with your wedding ideas, so have fun now.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @sauerdragon: If no one hosts an engagement party then you don’t have one. It’s certainly not a requirement. And I do think it’s rude to have a wedding related party that has guests who won’t be invited to the wedding, even if you assume they’ll assume they’re not invited to the actual wedding (you know what they say about assumptions…) BUT if you want to rent out the basement of a bar and throw a party I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it: just don’t call it an engagement party. Celebrate and have a good time and maybe have a toast to spending the rest of your life with your best friend (SO), but don’t make it wedding related necessarily. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    This is exactly what my FI and I did!  We’re having a (relatively) small wedding and neither of us can invite any of our co-workers, which we really wanted to do.  We threw an engagement party two months after we were engaged where we rented out the game room of a bar and bought a few trays of appetizers, and we invited everyone we could think of!  They bought their own drinks too!  We made sure to make a little speech about how we wished we could invite a million people, but wouldn’t be able to afford it.

    The weekend before we go back to work we are going to throw another mini-bash at the same bar, and invite those same co-workers.  I bought a (cheap) rehersal/leaving dress that I will be wearing there, I’ll do my own hair and make-up, and he is going to wear as much of his original wedding garb as we can that night also. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @CurlyCue:  agreed

     

    I vote yes in the poll because that’s the “proper” answer…but it’s 2 1/2 hrs away & depending on your year in college, you probably won’t even talk to 75% of these people in 2 1/2 years. Go for the fun now! The focus sounds like it’s the party not so much the engagement anyway

    Post # 14
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @sauerdragon: You don’t have to call it an engagement party – just call it a party. The distinction between NWR and wedding related is pretty slight. Just don’t call it an engagement party or a wedding party or whatever when inviting people and talking about it. To ME the most important reason is that you don’t want to give the impression that you would expect gifts. Most people don’t give gifts for an engagement party anyway, but some might still feel obliged and that’s really not fair if you’re not going to invite them to the wedding. And you can’t say “no gifts” on the invite or when inviting people because that indicates that you’d otherwise expect gifts.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @sauerdragon: Exactly! People will never turn down a good “just because” party and if your friends are as happy for you as you say (and I’m sure they are!) then they will definitely take the opportunity to congratulate and celebrate with you. 

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