Post # 1
My fiance and I got engaged this month and are getting married in December (3 month engagement and wedding planning.) We want a super small immediate family only ceremony at my moms house. My mother and sister are insisting that we have an engagement party and invite everyone else who isnt invited to the wedding. Since this is the big shebang for family and friends, I want to make sure they realise that, rather than thinking “oh, Ill just skip this and go to the wedding.”
My original thought was people would be irritated and hurt that they were invited to an engagement party but not the wedding, and that we should just skip it. My mother and sister insisted that people would understand and I had to give them the opportunity to celebrate with us, so I am allowing them to throw the party for us. I would love to have all of my friends and family come! Also, we are asking that no one bring gifts.
So Bees, what I need to know is how to word the invites so everyone knows they are not invited to a wedding after the party. We were going to add the line “The only gift we require is the pleasure of your company”
Also give me your thoughts on having a big E party but small wedding? Im getting pulled in so many different directions >.<
Post # 2
MissKittyBoo: i wouldn’t write anything on the invitation at all about not being invited to the wedding. Most likely it will come up in conversation at the engagement party about your plans for the wedding and thats when you can say you are having a very small intimate wedding and thats why you had the engagement party to celebrate with all the people you care about bc you won’t be having a big wedding. It will get around by WOM that there won’t be a big celebration
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I think it’d be easier to have a casual post-wedding reception dinner party versus an engagement party. Engagement parties are not the norm here and I think it’d be confusing. But if you have your small private ceremony and then a few weeks later had a casual dinner party reception that’d make more sense.
Post # 4
You can’t expect people to treat an engagement party with the same level of importance that they would a wedding, even (or especially) if they aren’t invited to the actual wedding. I also don’t think you can put anything on the invite about the wedding being family only without coming off as super tacky. Just tell people via word of mouth.
Post # 5
The more common thing is to have a post wedding reception. Even those have fallen out of favor recently. But it’s always been considered rude to invite people to any kind of pre-wedding event if they will not be invited to the wedding itself. I would not bet on not hurting some feelings.
Also, it is never appropriate to include any reference to gifts, even “no gifts” on any invitation. The reason is that you are not supposed to be thinking about receiving presents, which are always voluntary, and supposedly a surprise to the recipient. On top of all that gifts are not traditionally expected at an engagement party. That’s because a surprise announcement was made to announce the engagement. That effectively precluded the possibility of a gift giving event.
Post # 6
You don’t typically invite people to an engagement party who aren’t invited to your wedding.
A post-wedding celebration would be more appropriate in this situation (and less offensive to everyone involved).
Post # 7
What Daizy914: said. Just phrase it the normal way “invited to celebrate the engagement of _____” and at the party when people ask about the wedding plans explain you’re having a tiny ceremony with just immediate family. But this is not the standard etiquette… Some people could be offended.
Post # 8
In all honestly , this plan sounds pretty rude. If you really want to celebrate with more people, invite them to the wedding and reception. I know I’m in the minority, but I think it’s incredibly rude to invite people to a reception and not the actual wedding, this goes for any pre wedding events too, like an engagement party. If you absolutely must have a small ceremony, just invite the extra people to the reception and skip the engagement party, it’s less insulting that way.
If you’re going to have the engagement party no matter what, I think you can juat go by word of mouth that most people won’t be invited to the wedding.
Post # 9
i agree with MrsBuesleBee: – i feel that there are definitely going to be people that understand and some who will think its rude becase like all PPs said – its rude to invite people to a pre-wedding event that won’t be invited to the wedding. <br /><br />I don’t understand the purpose of a post-wedding event. I found out this was a thing when I joined the bee.
Post # 10
MissKittyBoo: I agree with PPs, I think it would be easier to have a post wedding reception/party and invite everyone to that. Lots of people do that here. Small intimate wedding, then bigger casual reeption later on.
Post # 11
Sorry OP, but it’s rude to invite people to a pre-wedding party and not the wedding. I know your mother and sister insist that it is ok but it would still be impolite. However, I totally get wanting to still celebrate with people, so I agree with pps in that a post wedding party would be more appropriate.
Post # 12
Edit: A reception in honor of a newly married couple is still very acceptable as long as it is not seen as part of the original wedding plans. A separate invitation, “in honor of” is fine.
Post # 13
i think it’s really rude to invite someone to your engagement party and not wedding. if i were you i just wouldn’t have an engagement party at all. you should have a casual post-wedding reception instead. if i were invited to an engagement party and not a wedding, 1. i wouldn’t come 2. i’d rethink the friendship and 3. i think it’s just plain rude to explicitly say you are not invited to the wedding.
i understand you were against it and your mom is the one insisting on it, but you should make her understand the ramifications of this.
Post # 14
Incredibly rude to invite people to an engagement party (or bridal shower) who are not invited to the wedding. It’s like saying they’re important enough for the “minor” celebrations but not important enough for the actual wedding– you make people feel like B-listers. This is one of the things you need to factor in when you plan a very very small wedding: the other events must scale down accordingly.
Post # 15
I would opt to do a post-wedding party as well rather than an engagement party.