Engagement party wording? Invited to the party but not the wedding!

posted 2 years ago in Paper
Post # 2
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

MissKittyBoo:  i wouldn’t write anything on the invitation at all about not being invited to the wedding. Most likely it will come up in conversation at the engagement party about your plans for the wedding and thats when you can say you are having a very small intimate wedding and thats why you had the engagement party to celebrate with all the people you care about bc you won’t be having a big wedding. It will get around by WOM that there won’t be a big celebration

Post # 3
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I think it’d be easier to have a casual post-wedding reception dinner party versus an engagement party. Engagement parties are not the norm here and I think it’d be confusing. But if you have your small private ceremony and then a few weeks later had a casual dinner party reception that’d make more sense. 

Post # 4
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

You can’t expect people to treat an engagement party with the same level of importance that they would a wedding, even (or especially) if they aren’t invited to the actual wedding.  I also don’t think you can put anything on the invite about the wedding being family only without coming off as super tacky.  Just tell people via word of mouth.

Post # 5
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The more common thing is to have a post wedding reception. Even those have fallen out of favor recently.  But it’s always been considered rude to invite people to any kind of pre-wedding event if they will not be invited to the wedding itself.  I would not bet on not hurting some feelings. 

Also, it is never appropriate to include any reference to gifts, even “no gifts” on any invitation. The reason is that you are not supposed to be thinking about receiving presents, which are always voluntary, and supposedly a surprise to the recipient. On top of all that gifts are not traditionally expected at an engagement party. That’s because a surprise announcement was made to announce the engagement. That effectively  precluded the possibility of a gift giving event. 

 

Post # 6
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You don’t typically invite people to an engagement party who aren’t invited to your wedding. 

A post-wedding celebration would be more appropriate in this situation (and less offensive to everyone involved).

Post # 7
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

What Daizy914: said. Just phrase it the normal way “invited to celebrate the engagement of _____” and at the party when people ask about the wedding plans explain you’re having a tiny ceremony with just immediate family. But this is not the standard etiquette… Some people could be offended.

 

Post # 8
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In all honestly , this plan sounds pretty rude. If you really want to celebrate with more people, invite them to the wedding and reception. I know I’m in the minority, but I think it’s incredibly rude to invite people to a reception and not the actual wedding, this goes for any pre wedding events too, like an engagement party. If you absolutely must have a small ceremony, just invite the extra people to the reception and skip the engagement party, it’s less insulting that way. 

If you’re going to have the engagement party no matter what, I think you can juat go by word of mouth that most people won’t be invited to the wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

MissKittyBoo: 

i agree with MrsBuesleBee: – i feel that there are definitely going to be people that understand and some who will think its rude becase like all PPs said – its rude to invite people to a pre-wedding event that won’t be invited to the wedding. <br /><br />I don’t understand the purpose of a post-wedding event. I found out this was a thing when I joined the bee. 

Post # 10
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

MissKittyBoo:  I agree with PPs, I think it would be easier to have a post wedding reception/party and invite everyone to that. Lots of people do that here. Small intimate wedding, then bigger casual reeption later on.

Post # 11
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry OP, but it’s rude to invite people to a pre-wedding party and not the wedding.  I know your mother and sister insist that it is ok but it would still be impolite.  However, I totally get wanting to still celebrate with people, so I agree with pps in that a post wedding party would be more appropriate. 

Post # 12
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

  Edit:  A  reception in honor of a newly married couple is still very acceptable as long as it is not seen as part of the original wedding plans.  A separate invitation, “in honor of” is fine. 

Post # 13
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

i think it’s really rude to invite someone to your engagement party and not wedding. if i were you i just wouldn’t have an engagement party at all. you should have a casual post-wedding reception instead. if i were invited to an engagement party and not a wedding, 1. i wouldn’t come 2. i’d rethink the friendship and 3. i think it’s just plain rude to explicitly say you are not invited to the wedding.

i understand you were against it and your mom is the one insisting on it, but you should make her understand the ramifications of this.   

Post # 14
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Incredibly rude to invite people to an engagement party (or bridal shower) who are not invited to the wedding.  It’s like saying they’re important enough for the “minor” celebrations but not important enough for the actual wedding– you make people feel like B-listers.  This is one of the things you need to factor in when you plan a very very small wedding: the other events must scale down accordingly.

Post # 15
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would opt to do a post-wedding party as well rather than an engagement party.

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