(Closed) Engagement Reactions and Family Conflict

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If there’s anything the ‘bee has taught me, it’s that youre never going to please everyone. You just have to make the best of it.

Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If there’s anything the ‘bee has taught me, it’s that youre never going to please everyone. You just have to make the best of it.

Post # 4
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

That sucks! My family wasn’t happy when I got engaged either bit for other reasons, and when I said anythign about getting married they would just pretend to not hear me. Eventually they got over it and were so beond happy for us! All you can do is ride out the storm when you start to become more financially independent maybe they will act diffrently and as you get oler and get your degree. Oh and to make you feel better I am 20 and married already. Your not to young, it’s all about maturity in my opinion. Good luck with the fam. I hope they come around becasue this is going to be such a happy time for you two and it’s only the first of many! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 5
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m really sorry that this happened to you, but thinking of it from your parents perspective, I can kind of understand why they freaked out. 

I’m in no way saying that you aren’t old enough to get married. But if you look at it from their POV, you’re still relying on them for money, so they probably still think of you as their little girl who needs their help, not an adult who is prepared for marriage. 

There are honestly a *lot* of parents who feel this way now…. because their kids still rely on them, they don’t magically think of them as adults one day- DH’s mom still checked in on his bank account until he was 23, and he was financially independent! 

It’s unfortunate that they’re not excited, but since you’re planning to have a long engagement, I would just give it some time- they’ll likely come around a bit more by the time you actually get married. 

And in the mean time, work on finding ways to become more financially independent. That is by far the quickest way to get them to think of you as an adult, and it really is a great feeling! 

Post # 7
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Future Mrs. Christian: Oh, I totally hear you there… the “holding it over your head” part was my main incentive for financial independence. They can’t boss you around when you pay your own bills! 

It’s tough, and it’s obviously more tough when you are young. Like I said before, I’m not saying you’re too young to get married, but you are younger than the “average” engaged person, so people will raise eyebrows from time to time. 

It seems like anybody who gets engaged young is judged by someone at some point for their choice (there are threads and threads on here all about it!) 

Even I was told that DH and I were “babies” by a supervisor at work… she wasn’t trying to offend, she was just surprised at how young we were (DH and I were 24 and 26 when we got married, but she and her hubs were 29 and 32…. so to her, we seemed young) 

Post # 8
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It takes the wind out of your sails and I am sorry… ๐Ÿ™

I’m sure there are people really pleased for you and you’ll need to concentrate your euphoria there or you’ll just be deflated again. I’m going through the same thing so I know how you feel.

Post # 9
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I can see your parents’ POV. While they don’t have  to love the idea, they should at least be supportive. Maybe give it a while to sink in and don’t bring up wedding details with them too soon. Show them that you’re mature and independent enough to make your own way and hopefully they’ll come around.

Post # 10
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Future Mrs. Christian: Answer the following question?

Are you happy with your Future Husband?
Is he happy with you?  

Than all else later down the road will not matter because a marriage is between 3 people : YOU, Husband, and God.  What keeps a marriage intact and happiness is that both groom and bride love one another all else will fall into place.

Obviously the ring your fiance got was not worthy in your dads eyes, but what might have hurt him is the fact that he did not ask for your hand in marriage.  but that says alot about you to in a positive manner that you love your fiance over all others.

Post # 12
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your parents end up verbally spewing all their insecurities about your life and their control when you venture out on your own and decide to get married. Its natural and probably usually temporary!

Everyone will have an opinion and most of it is well intentioned but it certainly can hurt when you are on cloud 9!!

Stay strong, and make sure everyone knows your not getting married like in 5 months, you guys are waiting till your done with school ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyways- Congratulations!!!!!!!! I’m thrilled for another young couple taking out marriage, there are youth setting a new trend, degrading marriage. 

Post # 13
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry =( my ex FI’s mom was less than pleased when we told her too, I know how you feel. However CONGRATS! You’ll get a lot of support here!

Post # 14
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

First, Congrats on your engagement!! Second, I’m sorry you didn’t get the reaction you’re looking for :(.  I think it’s a pretty mature decision to wait until your out of school and can be independent, so try not to worry to much.  I’m 22, and I went through something similar.  I told my mom, who was excited at the time but then started talking about how my cousin (who is not engaged at all)  will probably be married within the year and she’s soo excited about it (and only when the subject of my wedding plans come up…hmmm).  My dad gets very morose and subdued when the subject comes up and has yet to say “congrats” or “I’m happy for you” even two months later.  My FIs family, however, has been begging for wedding details and have been very excited and accepting, so that’s helped me a lot.  I can’t imagine both sides not showing excitment.  The bees will always be here to be excited with you though!! 

Post # 15
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry hun. It’s not fair for them to react that way. But you still have two years before your wedding so I’m sure then will come around by then. Were you able to explain that you were going to have a long engagement? It’s strange they reacted so harsh. It’s not like you told them you were getting married next month.

Chin up. Let the smoke clear and then have a heart to heart with them.

Good luck.

 

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