Engagement ring family drama

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@booteefull:  Honestly?

Drop your fiance and his toxic ass family.    He got upset with you for not warning him?  warning him of what?  I’ve never heard of this “breach”  That’s just out of line and stupid.

Is he a mama’s boy, usually?  Why would he tolerate that?

Post # 4
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Isn’t it his fault because didn’t he choose the ring in the first place? And he would be the one to know what the norms are in his family (and you would be the one to know the norms in yours). I don’t see why they’re picking on you. Anyway, hopefully he will come back with a ring that doesn’t cause family drama.

Post # 5
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@booteefull:  I have never, EVER, heard of it being ‘bad etiquette’ to have a bigger engagement ring than your FMIL. Your fiance should never have given in to her that easily, she’s ridiculous for asking him to do that in the first place, and if his family is being ‘cool’ to you and having a bad impression of you because of this, there is something seriously wrong with all of them. This is honestly some of the rudest and most bizarre behavior I’ve ever heard of.


Post # 6
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Um, this doesn’t bode well. You need to reevaluate this relationship, sorry. That family sounds awful.

Post # 7
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I have never, ever heard of this! Your ring has to be smaller than FMIL’s? So your future son’s FI’s ring has to be smaller than yours? And so on and so on and so on? How ridiculous. They should be proud that their son is able to afford such a beautiful stone. 

Post # 8
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

That is bullshit.

Post # 9
34 posts

That’s bullshit. I would not give up my ring to appease his butthurt mommy. She needs to grow up.

Post # 10
173 posts
Blushing bee

@FleeSircus:  +1

you never get a second chance to make a first impression and his family BLEW it. you can’t have an e-ring bigger than his mom’s? What’s next, you can’t have a more expensive or bigger house than they do? You can’t get pregnant until his older sister/cousin does?

I would tell him not to bother getting you a new ring. When you marry someone, you marry their family too and he seems to be bending over backwards to cater to THEM not YOU. It’s unbelievable that he’s blaming you for not knowing the ring he picked out for you should have been smaller (just writing that out sounds crazy!).

Post # 12
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

That’s crazy talk! I have a bigger ring than my FMIL and she helped pick it out! Your FI should have told his mother to get the hell over it. I sure as hell would not be happy that my FI returned my ring for something else because his mommy told him to! 

Post # 13
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you freaking kidding me?  My mom had a .25 diamond as her center stone.  It would be sad for me or sis-in-law to not be able to get a bigger stone.  I have *never* heard of such an etiquette “rule.”  Sorry you are going through this; frankly, his mother sounds like a nightmare of a MIL.  Also, don’t think her butting into yours and FI’s life is going to end with the ring.  He either needs to nip his mother’s actions in the bud or you need to decide if you want to battle this woman for god knows how long.

Post # 14
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@booteefull:  I don’t know what etiquette book this crazy ass family is reading, but I agree with the first PP. His mother sounds like a whiny child, and he is giving into her. Is this what it’s going to be like for ALL your marital decisions? Is he always going to choose his mom’s happiness over yours? Because hell no would that fly with me.

@Jen041815:  This!! Eventually, no one in your family will even be allowed to wear a ring!

Post # 15
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

For those who have never heard of it, that’s fine…but are you familiar with every culture and subculture and how they work?

Or is it that the groom’s family’s subculture shouldn’t matter to the bride in such situations, in your opinion?

The thing I find inappropriate though, is laying the blame on the non-family member for not knowing. It’s his family and he bought the ring, the onus was on him.

Post # 16
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If this “etiquette breach” was true, then every generation’s engagement rings would be smaller and smaller, and then eventually invisible.

That’s not a real thing. I can NOT believe he took your ring. I would be furious.

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