Post # 1
Hi I’m new and just engaged on Valentines Day! I need your help with a problem I’m having getting the ring. My fiance proposed with my dream ring. I didn’t demand it but he came through with this beautiful halo ring! The only issue is when we got together with the inlaws to announce our engagement MIL acted very cold to me and fiance and kept making comments implying I was after his money. I felt incredibly hurt by this but I told myself maybe she was having a bad day. Then last week my fiance came to me and said he needed to exchange my ring for another right away (the time to return it was coming up) because future MIL is insulted that my center diamond is larger than hers. My fiance seemed annoyed with me and said as a woman I should have known this would be against etiquette and it was bad for me not to warn him. I guess it had started this war in his family and many of his relatives are cool to me because of this etiquette breech. I told him I didn’t know and apologized and he took the ring. He is supposed to get another for me this week but the more I think about this the more upset I get. I understand this is a gift from him to me and I should be happy with whatever he gets but I already had a ring I loved and I feel like another won’t be the same. I am also so stressed about his family having a bad impression of me over this. What should I do?
Post # 3
Drop your fiance and his toxic ass family. He got upset with you for not warning him? warning him of what? I’ve never heard of this “breach” That’s just out of line and stupid.
Is he a mama’s boy, usually? Why would he tolerate that?
Post # 4
Isn’t it his fault because didn’t he choose the ring in the first place? And he would be the one to know what the norms are in his family (and you would be the one to know the norms in yours). I don’t see why they’re picking on you. Anyway, hopefully he will come back with a ring that doesn’t cause family drama.
Post # 5
@booteefull: I have never, EVER, heard of it being ‘bad etiquette’ to have a bigger engagement ring than your FMIL. Your fiance should never have given in to her that easily, she’s ridiculous for asking him to do that in the first place, and if his family is being ‘cool’ to you and having a bad impression of you because of this, there is something seriously wrong with all of them. This is honestly some of the rudest and most bizarre behavior I’ve ever heard of.
Post # 6
Um, this doesn’t bode well. You need to reevaluate this relationship, sorry. That family sounds awful.
Post # 7
I have never, ever heard of this! Your ring has to be smaller than FMIL’s? So your future son’s FI’s ring has to be smaller than yours? And so on and so on and so on? How ridiculous. They should be proud that their son is able to afford such a beautiful stone.
Post # 9
That’s bullshit. I would not give up my ring to appease his butthurt mommy. She needs to grow up.
Post # 10
you never get a second chance to make a first impression and his family BLEW it. you can’t have an e-ring bigger than his mom’s? What’s next, you can’t have a more expensive or bigger house than they do? You can’t get pregnant until his older sister/cousin does?
I would tell him not to bother getting you a new ring. When you marry someone, you marry their family too and he seems to be bending over backwards to cater to THEM not YOU. It’s unbelievable that he’s blaming you for not knowing the ring he picked out for you should have been smaller (just writing that out sounds crazy!).
Post # 11
@ittybittykittycommittee: +100 to telling him not to bother with a smaller ring. She should just run.
Post # 12
That’s crazy talk! I have a bigger ring than my FMIL and she helped pick it out! Your FI should have told his mother to get the hell over it. I sure as hell would not be happy that my FI returned my ring for something else because his mommy told him to!
Post # 13
Are you freaking kidding me? My mom had a .25 diamond as her center stone. It would be sad for me or sis-in-law to not be able to get a bigger stone. I have *never* heard of such an etiquette “rule.” Sorry you are going through this; frankly, his mother sounds like a nightmare of a MIL. Also, don’t think her butting into yours and FI’s life is going to end with the ring. He either needs to nip his mother’s actions in the bud or you need to decide if you want to battle this woman for god knows how long.
Post # 14
@booteefull: I don’t know what etiquette book this crazy ass family is reading, but I agree with the first PP. His mother sounds like a whiny child, and he is giving into her. Is this what it’s going to be like for ALL your marital decisions? Is he always going to choose his mom’s happiness over yours? Because hell no would that fly with me.
@Jen041815: This!! Eventually, no one in your family will even be allowed to wear a ring!
Post # 15
For those who have never heard of it, that’s fine…but are you familiar with every culture and subculture and how they work?
Or is it that the groom’s family’s subculture shouldn’t matter to the bride in such situations, in your opinion?
The thing I find inappropriate though, is laying the blame on the non-family member for not knowing. It’s his family and he bought the ring, the onus was on him.
Post # 16
If this “etiquette breach” was true, then every generation’s engagement rings would be smaller and smaller, and then eventually invisible.
That’s not a real thing. I can NOT believe he took your ring. I would be furious.