Post # 1
Everyone is making a big deal about it and I don’t get it!
My fiance and I decided to get married next year in March at the Disneyland Hotel. When he asked me to marry him it was understood that we would together choose my ring and the budget which is rather high. I would love to have an antique ring and so I went online and found a very pretty amythest Edwardian ring that is WAAAY below the budget ($600 dollars less) but I just fell in love with it and want to order it. My fiance saw it and liked it as well. However, when our families heard about the ring I have been getting a lot of crap over it. One of the concerns is that the ring is not a diamond, I didn’t want one, everyone has one of those. Another one is that the ring is “secondhand” well, yeah it is an antique ring of course it had been used once or twice but what should it matter? I don’t like the newer rings all that much. Finally, the cost. I have heard accusations that my fiance is “cheap” because of this ring except it was me who chose it. Why should I be pressured to get a ring that I do not want when there is a perfectly fine one I want to get?
Please help me try to understand where the family is coming from or what I can say.
Post # 3
first of all, the type and cost of the ring is NOBODY’S business but yours and your fiance’s. if i were you i would consider taking them out of future discussions/details over cost.
nobody has the right to criticize what you want. if you’ve found something that you like and is meaningful for you, you should get it, without question.
my advice is only to thank your family for loving you and caring about you, but explain that you are beyond satisfied with not only the ring but with your love for your fiance, and then promptly stop having discussions about whether the ring is “right” or “good enough” for you.
if it’s brought up in the future, simply smile and say “i love it and i’m happy”. how can they argue with that?
Post # 4
Why does your family need to know all the details of the ring or where it came from? Get what YOU like, it’s your ring, and your family shouldn’t be making statements like that. He’s not being cheap, a lot of people that have money, still opt for less expensive rings because they’d rather put that money towards their mortgage, or savings, or some girls just dont want to wear something that expensive on their finger… regardless, its really not their concern.
I would go ahead with the purchase and just show them the ring when you get it, and say you picked it together. They dont need to know details if they’re gonna act like that when they should be acting supportive!
Me and my bf went ring shopping together and picked one out, and I didnt tell my family, they will find out when I get the ring 🙂
Post # 5
The reason it got brought up was because my BM was there when I was looking up rings and she saw it and basically spilled the beans. I can’t help it, I love the ring! It has an interesting story behind it and looks different from the others.
Post # 6
I’m sure if you gush to your family about how much you love it, they’ll back down. I don’t get why families tend to comment about engagement rings–it’s not like they’d do the same with your earrings. Jewelry reflects personal style and your ring should reflect yours!
Post # 7
Some people just have a lot of trouble thinking outside the box! I think it’s really cool you want a vintage ring. Get what you love, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anybody 🙂
Post # 8
I’m with MissPumpkin, stop all talk about it, and go ahead with what you like. Ask your BM to please not say anything else about your wedding to others.
This is only the beginning with the ring. Remember everyone is always going to have an opinion, and you can’t please everyone. If this is already starting, I can just imagine their opinions on wedding planning.
Good luck and be strong, dont let other peoples’ opinions ruin what you like.
Post # 9
I’d just ignore them. At the end of the day if it doesn’t bother you, then it’s their problem not yours. Also, if you didn’t *love” it I’d probably say to keep shopping around for another antique ring, but from your post it sounds like you’re found ‘the ring’ so just stop looking!
My engagment ring is not a diamond and I personally wanted it that way. Thankfully, my family didn’t care at all. It was still a bit pricey, but we didn’t do that ‘on purpose’ and I would’ve been thrilled if it ended up costing under $1000.
Post # 10
My friend, a ring is much like your future husband. Many times when you see them, you just “know.” Is this the ring for you? Well then, that’s it.Ignore everyone else, do yourself a favor and order the ring you know you’re going to be happy with. Besides, who is going to wear this thing for the next 60 years, you or those other people?
I know where you are coming from, though. I have a peridot as my ring surrounded by two tiny diamonds. It’s beautifully old fashioned, in fact the stones came from inherited rings from our grandmothers, not because of affording a ring, but sentiment. Some people have given me the “why didn’t he get you a real ring” speech. To me, this ring means much more than any diamond could. I don’t Like diamonds as much. At the same time, I get a LOT of compliments for being different, and I notice more and more people with a ring that is not a diamond. Way to go, brides!
Post # 11
OMG I cannot stand it when people act like things HAVE to be a certain way and can’t think creatively. I agree with everyone else: brush it off and get what you want. Hell, tell ’em that the only reason everyone buys diamonds now is because DeBeers invented the idea as a marketing campaign in the 40s! It’s not like it’s a rule or anything!
Post # 12
You should get the ring you love, no matter what people say. And they really shouldn’t be saying anything! Its none of their business!!!!
Do you have a pic of this ring?! 😉
Post # 13
My FI got me a promise ring as an engagement ring & I love it & it was less than $250 & it means more to me than some $5k ring would be, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Its not about the price, its about what it means to you & your soon to be FI :). My friend proposed to his now wife with a ring he made out of high quality wood… it took him days & days & more days of hard work to make it himself & everyone loved her ering A LOT because of how original it is & no one thought “you didn’t spend enough”, because that’s not the point of a proposal. Her wedding band is an antique wedding band & its very beautiful. No one’s going to think “ohhh, it was used”. Her band is a lot more unique & pretty & detailed than all the ones I’ve seen new at jewelry stores.
Plus, you can always apply the money that would have gone towards the ering into an upgrade into your wedding… like a wedding band, or better honeymoon upgrade, or better photo package or something like that :).