(Closed) Engagement ring….

posted 10 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

this is a sticky situation, you want to be honest with him (no sense in starting your life together with this hanging over your head, your resentment may not go over well later).  Sounds like he loves you and he would rather want for you to be happy.  If you’re really not happy with your ring, you really should just sit him down and talk it over.  The ring isn’t important, its what the ring symbolized.  I didn’t love my ring before either, but I fell in love with it because it was one fiance picked out especially for me…there’s no other ring I would rather have on my finger than this.  Though I had done my own research online and loved it, so it was a surprise when he got me the exact one..the only problem is I am not a fan of jewelry so it did not look right on my finger! Maybe you just need som etime to get use to it on your finger too.

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

First off, I think you should step back from the situation for a little reality check.  1) .5 carats is not "Tiny."  That’s larger than the "average" engagement ring.  2) It’s just a ring. 3) He bought it for you with love, and you should remember that.

 

Maybe he felt like he didn’t have the money to pay for such a large ring right now, but wanted to get you a ring and propose, and this was what he could afford.  If you hate yellow gold, the stones in the ring can be reset in white gold fairly easily- maybe you should mention that to him?  Think about what you DO love about the ring, and then make a reasonable plan for tweaking the things that you don’t love. 

Post # 5
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree with BA.

I understand your being disappointed that he didn’t get your dream ring but you’re making a lifetime commitment to him, not your engagement ring. Certainly I would be a little irked too if I specifically chose out something I liked and my FI went off and managed to get something totally different. But again, settings can be changed, and if this was a financial issue for your FI, then you can think about upgrading to your dream upscale ring later, or get a nicer wedding band.

On a related note, I also agree that .5 ct isn’t tiny =). When I went ring shopping with my boyfriend, I loved the way the size looked on me, and found the larger ct stones to be too much. So it’s just a matter of perspective.

Post # 6
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with the bees above, too. 

Besides, you are ONLY 23 years old.  Unless your FI is 40 and making mad cash, this is probably what he could afford NOW. Even if he is 40, it still might be all he can afford.

He loves you and he proposed.  Get the ring reset in white gold.  I, too am a fan of white gold only.  I wear no yellow gold and would expect my FI to know that.  Maybe by your 10th anniversary, you can upgrade to a larger diamond and have the current one set as a solitaire necklace or something.

Please cut him some slack.  The ring is only a symbol.  Getting married isn’t about who can get the biggest diamond.  I echo what the other bees said in that 1/2 carat is nothing to sneeze at.

Along those same lines, please remember as you are planning your dream wedding that the wedding day is only a day.  It’s the marriage that will be for the rest of your life.  Don’t get caught up in the small stuff.

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>

P.S.  I’m 38, soon to be 39, and I remember being your age and thinking EXACTLY like you are thinking.  I was engaged at that age and was also focusing on the wrong thing.  I’m older and wiser now.    Big Hugs!!

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Tough situation. I am in a similar one. DH and I decided on a style and he went ahead and had the ring custom made, only they didn’t make what he (or I) asked for… he was just so excited that the ring was done that he thought it was fine and brought it home and proposed. I have never been happy with it, and I am super urked that they didn’t make what he had asked for! I have been wearing it for 2 years on my hand now, and we are going ring shopping this weekend.

Wear the ring for a while, see if it grows on you, but if it doesn’t… consult your fiance about it. A ring is a symbol…and you should be wearing it for your whole life, So you should do whatever it takes to be happy with it. If it is all your FH can afford now, is the setting made so that it can be "upgraded" in the future?  (I know, I know, some ppl have issues with upgrades, but it all depends on personal opinions. I beleive that the ring is just a symbol that you are engaged/married… and as long as you have one on, it doesn’t matter when you recieved it)

 Try to see if you can accept this ring, and if you can’t, you have to tell your fiance….no sense in keeping it all in forever… Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

I’ll second what the others have said, esp BA.  While it is too bad that he chose something different from what you picked, the main problem here seems to be the size of the stone.  Aside from materialistic concerns vs. love, if you want something more expensive, have you considered helping him pay for it?  It is going to be your ring in the end, and you are going to be equals in your partnership, so why not start now?  No reason he should have to pay for it all himself just because he’s the man, right? =)

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

You should stick with the ring that he gave you and start looking for an over the top wedding band.

Post # 10
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My fiance and I are going to upgrade my ring down the road.  What matters now is that he loves you and he bought what fit his budget.  My dad upgraded my mom’s ring twice, when they were first married (at the age of 21) he could only afford a "diamond chip",  a few years later he bought her a beautiful white gold ring with .5 K diamond.  Then, for their 25th wedding anniversary he bought her a $25,000 dollar ring.  My mom never imagined that the could ever afford something like that in their lifetime, but she also didn’t know (at the age of 21) where life would lead them.

At 23 you don’t know where you will be financially down the road.  The ring reflects his love and commitment to you, and as that grows strong through your marriage, you can always upgrade the ring to reflect your financial growth as well.

 Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I agree with most of the previous posters-the size of the diamond means nothing.

 As for buying it at the NEX, there are government rules that stipulate that the largest center stone cannot be more than a carat-same at PX’s, etc.  Maybe him buying at the NEX (where there is no tax and things are usually cheaper) was him trying to show you that he can’t afford what you want.

 Also, is your FI an enlisted sailor?  I’m a naval officer, and I know the Navy is not a great paying job-especially if he’s young and just joined.  I constantly counsel my sailors on financial responsibility-for most of them, it’s even hard to make car payments, let alone buy engagements rings.  I’ve seen a case where a young sailor buys a flashy ring for his FI, and then can’t make the payments. . .you know what happens then.

 Have you thought about getting a small ring now, and then upgrading later? USAA has a great plan where you can trade in your original diamond and they’ll cut you a deal on the upgrade.  Also, wait a few years for him to save up money on deployments, and then you can get the ring you really want.

Post # 12
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

My FI was going to go small and then give me a really nice ring for our 5th or 10th anniversary (like when he could afford it).  We are both students and 26, but at 23 I think .5 carats is not bad.

After all remember that DeBeers created the myth that an engagement ring should be important so they could sell diamonds- it was a fabricated tradition and what matters is the love that you both share.

In most countries outside of the US a ring is of no importance remember that. My parents have been married for over 25 years and not worn a ring a single day in their life.  It just wasn’t a part of their tradition and I think you shouldn’t worry about it. 

 

Post # 14
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

Seriously, you found a 3-stone ring, with a center stone of 1.5 ct., for under $3K? Are you sure it’s genuine? I have never, EVER seen a stone that large, for that little money, even with internal flaws and not-so-great color. Not to mention with side stones too. Perhaps the price isn’t as low as you thought?

But that aside, I sympathize with the yellow gold thing. Sounds like he wasn’t listening to your preferences. I agree that he’s probably trying to hint that he can’t afford the ring you wanted, which is also why he took so long to save up for the first ring. Are you sure he can even afford the second ring you picked out? Also, have you considered that perhaps this .5 ct. ring was just as expensive, if not more expensive, than the bigger one? Good quality certified diamonds are a LOT more expensive than larger, lower quality stones. Maybe he wanted to make sure you got quality over quantity.

In any case, I think you’re entirely justified in wanting to get the stone re-set in white gold. After all, you’ll have to wear the ring, you should get some say in what it looks like. But as for stone size, if it’s that important to you perhaps you can go with white sapphires or moissanite, because if he can’t afford a bigger diamond, your only other choice is to chip in the difference yourself.

Post # 15
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I also wonder if you didn’t misunderstand the price.  When you see a ring at a jeweler, the price on the ring is normally the price of the setting only.  The center stone is generally NOT included.  I can believe under 3k for the ring you describe without the center stone, but not with the center stone.  I would think that if you put a good quality 1.5-stone in the ring you describe, you would be closer to 8k.  And FI and I looked at a lot of settings, including having them custom made, and also looked at a lot of loose diamonds from a diamond broker, so I think I have a reasonable idea of cost.

Try to remember that having your ring reset is not free either.  At the current cost of gold, and if you have three bands, you could pay $1500 just for the gold, plus the cost of the work.

And really, absolutely try to remember this.  You say your FI can afford this – but if he doesn’t have the cash on hand, you WILL end up paying for your own ring, one way or another.  When are are married, that loan he is paying off every month will be your responsibility too, and the money that goes towards that will just be money you don’t have for something else.

I would presume that your FI tried his best to get you something nice.  To say that you "can hardly wear it" does, quite frankly, sound pretty bitchy.  If you want to marry him at all, you should wear it.  You should also talk to him about why he chose the ring he did.  If its really not what you want, you may eventually be able to have it reset, or upgrade the center stone.  But especially if he bought what he could afford, to demand that he spend more money on replacing or fixing it (most rings are upgradeable but not returnable, so he probably can’t just exchange it) is not reasonable.

Post # 16
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Brigalia's

TELL HIM!  I promise that you won’t upset him by not liking the ring, I think he will be more upset that you waited so long to tell him.  My bf and I went together to pick out my ring and we had a few issues… when the ring arrived it had a scratch in it and didn’t look like I remembered.  It was nice to be able to be open and not worry about hurting his feelings because he wanted me to be happy.  I knew he spent a lot of money to get the ring I wanted and when we realized it wasn’t what we got, he was totally ok with returning to the jewelers.  They actually replaced and upgraded the stone a bit for us so it worked out.

 

The sooner you tell him the better so that he can hopefully return it by the refund date. 🙂

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