Post # 1
Not sure on which board to post this, but you ladies on the waiting board seem mighty helpful 🙂
I dreamt the other night that my parents weren’t happy about my SO and I getting engaged. In reality though I think they would be fine with it; they love my SO and know he makes me happy. He knows I’d like him to ask for my dad’s/parents’ blessing, and there’s only really one more opportunity for him to do that before we go on vacation in a couple of weeks, and SO will be proposing while we’re away. I know my SO is nervous about talking to my dad. There is the option of us talking to them together about our plans, but it would probably be SUPER awkward (like “oh…! that’s nice…”). My parents aren’t very excitable/emotional people and they’ve never mentioned anything about us getting married. I guess I’m worried that my parents might think I’m too young (I’ll be 23 when we get engaged), especially considering they married in their 30s. However I’ve lived with SO for a year (been together 3 years), we’re financially stable (we both have full-time jobs) and I’ve had a brief chat with my mom about saving for a house. So, considering my (probably unfounded) anxieties about my parents’ reaction, what do you bees think I should do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Post # 3
I would just leave the talk up to him. He was super nervous as well for the same reasons your BF is but it went fine in the end!
Post # 4
If your SO wants to ask them before he proposes, let him. Otherwise, the two of you can talk to them after you get engaged.
Post # 5
@copperbird90: I think he should have the talk, to show respect. Since you already live together and they’re apparently fine with that I think it’ll be fine. Just tell SO to relax and get it over with.
Post # 6
@copperbird90: I think sometimes the guy really wants to be traditional and speak with the father, but usually they do it because they feel they have to. I mean geez, you’re living together, did he ask permission for that? So it really boils down to respect for your parents. You say they are taciturn. What do you think your parents would prefer? My ex-husband (I was 23) asked my dad and mom together. I was inside peeking out the window. They were horrifyingly uncomfortable. I’ll never put them through that again. Once we are engaged SO and I will call both sets of parents with the good news. Of course both sides know it’s in the works just not when it’s happening. Hmmmm, neither do I. Bygones. Anyway, I certainly don’t think it’s the guys problem in 2013. It’s something you decide together.
PS – Stop obsessing about what your mom thinks (age, etc). Your parents will love you even if they aren’t thrilled with every choice you make. I’m not particularly religious but the idea of leaving your parents to cleave to the side of your husband makes for a tight bond.
Post # 7
Ask him if he wants to do it alone or as a couple. Leave it up to him. Personally, if I have my way, we will do it as a couple.
Post # 9
I’m not sure. See I’m scared to death that he won’t get my parents blessing because we want to marry sooner rather than later. Have Any of you not received their blessing? I need to be prepared for whatever happens.
Post # 10
@chipsnsalsa: Glad to hear that it worked out fine for you!
@jadlnc: He was super nervous the first time he met my parents. I’ll just have to keep reassuring him that they love him and dad won’t shoot him :p
@SomedaymrsWDS: haha no he didn’t. I gradually moved in with him over the course of our relationship, so my parents didn’t really have much choice! They didn’t have any problems with it though. My parents dont stand on ceremony but they’d probably be pleasantly surprised if he asks. I know I care too much about what other people think, but I doubt that’s going to change much.
@katiecat08: That sucks you think your parents will have concerns too. I know my SO told his parents his intentions and they were happy. Maybe you can do that too to gauge their reaction, if they’re similar to your own parents?
Post # 11
@copperbird90: I hope your dad won’t shoot him! lol!
Post # 12
I bet they already expect him to propose soon(ish) so it would be more a show of respect than anything else. I’d leave this up to him. I’m sure he will be fine. 🙂
Post # 13
@Dogsbody92: I’m sure he will be fine too. I’ve reminded him that there’s really only one more opportunity for him to ask, but it’s possible that he might just ‘forget’ until we go on holiday and then it’ll be too late. He’s joked about sending a text message to my dad. I shut down that idea pretty quickly.
My parents probably actually aren’t expecting him to propose yet since I’m young and it’s not what they did. They’re the kind of people to not say anything bad to your face and then have concerns behind your back, so I’m really hoping that won’t be the case about the engagement. If there was a major concern though I think we’d know it by now.