Engagement timeline derailed?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@SomedaymrsWDS:  I wouldn’t assume that things are off-course just because of the judge’s decision.  Your FH knew that it was possible he wouldn’t win the lawsuit and yet he still wants to marry you.

If you’re really concerned, just talk to him and let him know that you’re concerned.  If you guys are getting married, this is the type of stuff you should be able to talk about.

Post # 7
4041 posts
Honey bee

@SomedaymrsWDS:  Honestly, not to sound harsh, but I really think you should be focusing on helping your SO get through this tough time. While it may be “his lawsuit” this is something that will effect both of you if you get married.

I can understand the frustration and anxiety around getting engaged, but I don’t blame him for wanting to get through this period first. 

As tough as it may be, waiting a few months won’t really matter in the long term for your relationship. But, supporting him through this and focusing on the situation at hand could really make a huge difference for your relatoinship in the long run.

There will be more trunk shows in the future, I promise. 

Post # 10
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just a thought, although he may really need a break, he may also be thinking about surprising you on the cruise. Don’t hold out for it necessarily, but I can tell you, my husband always likes to keep me guessing. It was important to him that even though I knew he was going to propose (he even let me design the rings), but he wanted the actual proposal timing and location to be a true surprise (and it was a perfect surprise!).

Hopefully the engagement will come sooner rather than later for you!

Post # 12
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Candidly, I’m a pragmatist so the engagement/wedding was not so much my focus (also, we had dated 6+ years prior to getting engaged, so I was not in much of a rush). To be honest, I never thought about it being on his timeline versus mine versus a shared vision, because we both decided we wanted to be married and we both designed the ring, so I didn’t feel like he had sole control.


If I really wanted to, I’m sure I could have rushed it along, but we talked about getting engaged for a few months, then we were engaged shortly after that, then married within 6 months of the proposal, so I knew he was eager to get married, he just wanted to find a way to make the proposal special.


Similarly, you have also both decided to get married, once all the warzone issues with respective former partners are resolved. I totally understand why you want to get things rolling, so that you can help your kids get adjusted and start your lives together offically. 


Often, even the most caring spouses want to take the necessary time to get their ducks in a row before promising to take care of their spouse for life. Taking on care of another person forever is a pretty big deal and in some ways, the fact that my partner is not as spontaneous/impulsive as I am makes for a great partnership.


It’ll be worth the wait, no matter how long it takes him to get everything sorted out (unless the hold out is indefinite, in which case, it would be time to consider an exit strategy if you want to get married).


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