Engagement [VERY LONG] – Parents not happy, FI frustrated

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BlueMockingbird:  If you are sure he’s the one for you then you must be with him. I know a woman who was also Catholic and her parents did not approve her choice. So she walked away from that man and never married. She was very bitter and unpleasant. It affected her whole life. I understand wanting your parents approval, this is a very delicate subject. It is easy to say that you shouldn’t care what they say, but in reality it hurts you that they don’t approve. I think you should accept your father’s help, I think it will help to sway your mother. Maybe they just don’t fully understand how you truly feel about this man. Maybe they think you’ll leave them completely, marry this man and forget about them. Make sure that they know you won’t do that. I hope you get them to come around.

Post # 5
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

*hugs*

 

Your mother is throwing a tantrum at the moment. A – roll on the floor, scream loudly and make everyone uncomfortable, 3-year old tantrum. And you are letting her get away with it!

If a child was making this much fuss about something you would NOT let them have their way. You would not reward that behaviour. You gave her a month to get over it. She still isn’t – too bad for her!

What’s going to fix this situation? Showing your parents that you aren’t their little girl anymore. How? To plan  your wedding to the man you love and get out of there!

Get out of their house as soon as you possibly can. Feb isn’t that far away.

Give your FI some slack, he’s been very supportive and waited the month you asked him to. Now it’s time to honour your word and get this show on the road.

By Feb next year you’ll be living on your own with your husband. You will be out of that stressful environment and your parents will have to see you as an adult.

It will be hard, but it will be so worth it. *hugs* 

Post # 6
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2000

@BlueMockingbird:  your parents’ dependency on you is unhealthy. Giving in to them reinforces their unhealthy behavior and could make your fiancé question your commitment to him. I would advise you to seek further councelling from a priest.  Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church. Are you prepared to make these vows and keep them?  You will have to put your husband first always As you would expect him to put you first!

 

Your parents need to work on their marriage themselves and not burden you with their problems. Their dependence on you is unnatural. 

I wish you all the best. Marry your sweetheart in February ! 

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BlueMockingbird:  You’re welcome, good luck. Be firm with your mother though, if this is what you really want you deserve to be happy.

Post # 12
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BlueMockingbird:  Your mother’s behavior is unhealthy and manipulative.  In my opinion, part of growing up is learning to make your own decisions best on what YOU think is best for you and not what your parents think.  Honestly, I think you just need to suck it up, tell your mom you are sorry she doesn’t approve and you hope she changes her mind.

I know how hard it can be when your parents don’t approve of your relationship.  My parents did not approve of my relationship with my fiancee at first but now we are getting married in 4 days and they couldn’t be happier.  There is hope!!!

Post # 13
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BlueMockingbird:  Hey! I read your post and I felt your sadness and pain. In my culture it’s important to have parental approval too, so I understand. Normally, i would tell you to make sure your parents approve first, but not in your case. 

You have found your soulmate, so marry him. See if there’s a way to make the date in March as a compromise to your parents. Just know that no matter who you decide to marry, your parents will not be happy. They are very dependent on you, so they don’t want you to leave. therefore, not marrying your FI will NOT solve this issue,  just make sure you understand that. No one will ever be good enough in Their eyes.

26 year old woman is not too young to marry! As long as you know that your FI is matured at heart and mind, then you both should be fine.

Everything will be ok

Post # 16
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

@BlueMockingbird:  I think your parents are upset because their only child is growing up before their eyes and they are not ready to let you go. I think it is harder since you still live with them. But 26 (which I am too) is definitely old enough to marry (at least in my books) and your parents do not have a right to control your life anymore.

You seem very sure that you have found The One (yay!!!), and I say go for it. Best case scenario is your parents will respect you for your choice and will come to see you as a grown up as the wedding gets nearer. This is probably a hard time for your parents so try to understand their perspective and reassure them that they will still be a big part of your life!!

::Virtual hugs::

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