Post # 1
I’m not sure if this is the right section as it’s to do with a baby announcement, not a wedding announcement, so apologies in advance. It is an etiquette question, though. <br /><br />One of our groomsmen had a baby a few weeks after our wedding. His wife did not come to the wedding (she was invited) because she was very pregnant. Today I went to my parents’ house and saw there was a card addressed to my husband from the groomsman and his wife, which was odd as only I get mail there. I opened it and it was a baby announcement with a picture of their new baby. I felt very hurt that they sent it only to him and not to both of us–they know we are married after all! Adding insult to injury was that they sent it to my parents’ house (although they might have thought that was our address as it’s what we used for wedding stuff). <br /><br />Am I old fashioned to find this incredibly rude? My husband, who is really laid back about etiquette, found it rude, too! I don’t really know what to do–do you think I might have insulted them somehow? I’ve only met the wife once, but I wonder if maybe the wedding thank you went only to the husband and this is retailiaion? Honestly, I can’t remember as my husband wrote the thank yous to his guests and I wrote those to mine. Anyway, it just seems like too big a thing to be an oversight–they clearly got the address either from our wedding site or thank you card (probably the latter as I took down the wedding site a couple days after the wedding) so it seems intentional. <br /><br />I’m tempted to send a FB message to the husband with the proper address….is that much?
Post # 2
They probably didn’t feel like writing both names. Its not like they had a party and you weren’t invited. Is your name difficult to spell?
Post # 3
While that is a little strange, I wouldn’t send a message to the husband at all. They just had a baby, I doubt they want to recieve a message about this type of thing. Perhaps it was a typo? Was the envelope printed or hand-addressed? I’d check with your husband about the thank you cards, because had it only been addressed to the husband, the wife might be upset. But again, she just had a baby, I doubt (although people do get crazy about holding grudges) excluding you on a card is at the forefront of her mind.
And anyway, in the scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a baby announcement, it’d be a little more rude if it were an invitation. I’d move on.
Post # 4
Cordellia: Yes it would have been “proper” to address the announcement to the two of you. But it’s also a complete waste of energy to get all upset about it. In the grand scale of etiquette errors, it’s really very slight.
Did you ask your DH how he addressed the thank-you note he sent to this groomsmen? If he accidentally addressed it only to his buddy, the buddy could have interpreted it as your DH only wanting the relationship to be between the two of them, not extending to the wives.
Send them a gracious card, congratulating them on the baby’s arrival and include a line”Note new address”.
Post # 5
i would facebook him the proper address but not be like –hey you forgot my name on the card…. my husband gets cards and stuff with his name on it- when its meant to have husband and family. it doesnt really bug me. i also get stuff that is meant for the entire family and only addressed to me.
Post # 6
Bubbles42: It was a printed label and my name is simple!
Post # 8
I’d assume it was 100% an oversight an proceed as such. What would you do next if someone accidentally did this? You’d send them a nice message letting them know your new address or corrected address and say you loved the announcement.
Life is honestly much less stressful when you make yourself always give people the benefit of the doubt first. Unless someone insults me directly to my face, I assume everything else is a misinterpretation on my part. 99% of the time I’m right!
I made some mistakes on our Xmas card list last year such as this one (forgetting to address part of a couple etc). Holidays are stressful. Babies are stressful. No ones in their right mind!!
Post # 9
Cordellia: eh, i get why you’re upset. but chances are they were sending out a lot of birth announcements, got your parents address from something wedding related, and since your hubby sent the thank you note before, the friend probably (in between helping his wife with the new baby) took that as a cue that he should be corresponding with your hubby.
i’d send them a card to congratulate, from both of you, with an updated address.
Post # 10
Even though you say your name is simple, I bet they were just having a brain fart moment and forgot how to spell it. Don’t read too much into it:)
Post # 11
Cordellia: It was not good form on her part and you both know that.
It would have been more correct for her to address it to you, but perhaps she forgot your name and didn’t like to ask her man. Or she doesn’t remember you, although you remember her. Or indeed it’s because you didn’t sign the note. Or she wasn’t brought up properly. Or she’s jealous of you – Congratulations 😉
Post # 12
They just had a baby. Ecer heard of baby brain?
Post # 13
I understand that you’re upset. In the world of traditional etiquette the envelope should have been addressed to you. Yes, once upon a time all social announcements and invitatiions were posted to the lady of the house as she was the one who was most likely to take care of such matters. In my house, my family and my circle of friends that is still the way things are handled, because, frankly, my husband (as sweet as he is) cannot be trusted when it comes to social commitments.
Most people don’t know these rules anymore, although there were good reasons for them, and I dare say that it is still the women who send and respond to social invitations, so I suggest that you simply overlook this faux pas.
Post # 14
Thanks, Persephone. Still, I’m leaving it up to my husband to send a card or a gift. Which he won’t, knowing him!
Post # 15
Cordellia: I’m guessing this is a case of new baby brain and a guy addressing envelopes. Guys don’t always think of addressing envelopes as an etiquette thing and more as a functional “get it where it belongs” type thing. Which…he kinda failed on anyway, but that’s beside the point. I’m sure they didn’t passive-aggressively snub you but rather they were lazy about it.