Envious and jealous of my little brother….(long) (vent…maybe?)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cmoest:  It’s not a competition.  Life isn’t a race to see who gets married or has a kid first.  Everyone will be just as happy when you have your first child, as they were when your brother had his first, and when he has his second.  People are very capable of being excited for more than 1 event at once – my sister and I are pregnant at the same time (me with my first, her with her second) and everyone is thrilled and excited for both of us. It’s fun sharing this together and I’m excited our kids will be close in age.  

You need to let this petty crap go and be happy for your brother and your soon to be sister in law, just as you would want them to be happy for you.

Post # 4
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cmoest:  Life isn’t a competition. If I were in your shoes, I’d be thankful that my brother had a child and straightened out his life, instead of carrying on like he was.. which might have resulting in him dying or going to prison. Be thankful, not spiteful.

Post # 6
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was also upset bc my parents had always expected me to give them their very first grandchild

Statistis are against them for their marriage working out anyway, so I wouldn’t feel too bad.  I don’t think there is anything to be jelous of your bro for.

Post # 7
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cmoest:  I have been in your position.  My sister is 5 years younger than me and got married in 2009 and had my nephew in 2010.  I always thought I would be the first to accomplish things since we have a wide age difference.

By the time I begin having kids my sister’s kid will be school aged and I think overall I will be able to provide better for them and be able to take them on vacations.  I’m sure when the day comes that I take my future children to Disneyland my sister will probably be jealous but we just have to remember that everyone chose their own path in life.

Post # 8
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cmoest:  Seriously? Them trying for another child “clashes with your plans?” 

Post # 10
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know you’re saying you’re happy for them, but it honestly sounds like you wish your brother would just stay a loser all his life.  He has made a tremendous change – planned or not.  And that is fantastic now that he has a son.

You’re 23.  Hardly old.  I am 31, got married at 27 *GASP* AFTER my younger brother by 2 years!  I am still not TTC.

If you spend so much time worrying about your brother’s life and the things you don’t have, the things you do will pass you by.

Post # 11
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How exactly is his life ‘progressing’ more than yours? As far as I can tell, you’ve progressed much more than he and his girlfriend have. Having a child doesn’t mean you’re progressing in life; it means your priorities have changed. He doesn’t have a good job. He’s a very young dad. He isn’t even going to have a wedding (anytime soon).

You on the other hand, have worked hard to get what you have. You have a stable relationship. You have a stable income. You have graduated school and (almost?) college. You have goals.

Now, sit there and tell me – which sounds more progressive? Be thankful that you get to do it the way you really want (because, let’s face it, what 17 year old actually wants to get pregnant and understands the responsibility that comes with it).

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Atalanta:  Are you trying to pine for the failure of his marriage? What? Who roots for that? That’s seriously not nice and extremely catty.

@cmoest:  You aren’t the first and won’t be the last sibling who gets “shown up” by a younger sibling. It’s life. Sounds like you’ll have an easier go of things given that you will have a college degree, decent job, etc., than your bro. I just hope he can give his child the same advantages you will be able to give yours someday.

Post # 13
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Instead of being jealous of him, try helping him! You just admitted that you know their is physical abuse (you didn’t say who the abuser was, could be both of them), a small child in the house, financial strain, and the goal of bringing another child into this. Sounds like they have a fair amount of stress and problems. Instead of competing with him and pouting that he is ‘doing it first’ maybe you should try to model a healthy relationship, something he may not have had growing up. Also, if there is physical abuse in that home, check on that baby!!!!

Post # 14
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@cmoest:  until you said your brother got his girlfriend pregnant, I felt like I was reading a story about me an my brother. So I can totally relate on the frustration level of things. And it’s so hard when you work our butt off for the things you want and then the people around you just seem to come into it like that. 

Right now, I am slaving away at school to get ahead while my 19 year old brother is sittin on his butt at my moms and no one is even making him do chores. I mean seriously, I am green with envy.

I just try to remember that what I’m doing is still right and good for me, and if what he’s doing is not what I think is best, well then whatever. That what siblings are for right? To drive us nuts, make us feel competitive and generally just want to lock them in a closet. But we’re grown ups now and realistically, we shouldn’t do those things.

Just because your parents are distracted with baby rght now does not mean they won’t be excited when your time comes!! Consider it a reprieve from the constant pressure 😉 

Everything will come together for you and you will be so thankful that you held on to your goals and plans on the way their!

Post # 15
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Ballet513:  +1 

 

i don’t think you are acting much like the older sibling here…I think you are sounding very childish and extremely selfish. You have your life and he has his, he doesnt need to worry if his plans “clash” with your plans. Suck it up and be happy for him, you will have your moment one day. 

Post # 16
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cmoest:  I don’t mean this to sound harsh but you should exactly like my FI sister.  She’s a year older and got married first, had kids first etc. which was expected where my FI got in trouble, dropped out of school, ended up in jail etc.  When he met me about 4 years ago he was working as a labourer making barely minimum wage.  Since than I supported him to go back to school, get an apprenticeship and start his own company.  We bought a beautiful home 2 and a half years ago that was double the size of her’s and are now planning a much more formal wedding that FMIL is really looking forward too since FSIL kind of rushed through the wedding and didn’t get any positive feedback about it.  When we got engaged rather than congratulating us she pretended like it didn’t happen, she never asked to see my ring (like all the other family did), has never once asked how wedding planning is going etc.  Since we have a very large home we often host a lot of the large family events (like thanksgiving coming up), she has never come to a single family event at our home, there is always an excuse.  It has got to the point that FI has stated he will no longer extend an invitation to her and her family and it’s driving a huge wedge in their relationship.  Why?  Because her brother was supposed to be the screw up, the unsuccessful one, with a loser girlfriend, not the one in a very stable relationship, with a successful career and business with a FI who his parents will often refer to as an angel (when they don’t get along with her husband).  Her jealously has driven such a wedge between the two of them that my FI doesn’t want a relationship with her anymore.  The point of my post is don’t turn into that person because all it will do is ruin your relationship with your brother.

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