- 6 years ago
Don’t worry. Everything will work out. Our engagement was less than glamorous and not very ‘traditional’ but it was us and we were in love and happy and that’s all that matters.
I do understand how you feel though. People used to always hound me about it…um. I don’t know? Hound him.
I would tell him you’re sorry for ruining the surprise (I know it wasn’t just your fault, it just happened, but follow me here), but you really want it to be special and still a little surprising. Just mentioning it once might get him thiking about a way he can still spring it on you, even though you know it’s coming- he might already be trying to think of a way. Trust me, it’s possible- just try to forget about it. There are so many times you won’t expect it.
And even if that fails, trust me, you’ll still be thrilled when it happens 🙂
I understand where you’re coming from, you got pushy because you didn’t know it was in the works. It happens to the best of women, especially when you’re beyond tired of waiting. Don’t beat yourself up.
All of my friends and family knew I was getting engaged before I was (then FI asked for permission as well). I was still surprised and I’m sorry that you feel the surprise was taken away from you, but I’m sure when it happens you will still be happy. It won’t stop you from saying yes, right?
My proposal was far from perfect, and that makes me love it even more! Most proposals don’t go the way they were intended to (same with wedding stuff) so try not to let it bother you and enjoy what the future brings!
My FI blew the surprise of his proposal plan, too, and it still turned out awesome. I had figured it out, anyway, because he was taking me on an “Oh, no particular occasion” trip up to San Francisco (where we used to go on dates when we first met and lived in the Bay). And then a few days before the trip, we got into it over something, and he ended up irritably blurting out something about how he’d bought a ring. Nice going, slick. 😛 So there I was thinking, “Great, cat’s out of the bag, is this whole trip just going to be weird because I know and he knows I know, and I know he knows I know?” But we had a great time, and when he finally did it – I knew he was, too, because he took me back to the place where we had our first date – it was awesome and exciting and really touching.
I understand wanting the surprise and romance and all, but sometimes we put way too much emphasis on the ceremony of the thing. It’s going to be a nice moment no matter what.
I think once he blew the surprise he probably should have stopped there. He didn’t need to tell you about changing his plans, and he didn’t need to tell you he told your family about changing his plans (or they didn’t need to tell you he told them, whichever way it happened that you found out about that part). It’s like there are too many cooks in the kitchen here.
And now I’ll say this: If you look at it a certain way, it is pretty damn funny. Like one day you’ll look back at this and laugh at your complete clusterfrick of a proposal story. And I don’t say that to make fun. To me, this kind of thing is a lot more charming than a picture perfect proposal out of a movie. Like seriously, when he finally asks, your reaction should be something like, “Oh, Joe, this is all so sudden!” and look ridiculously shocked.
I hope this is sort of helpful. Besides, yeah, you know it’s coming, but you still don’t know exactly when or how!
No, it wasn’t really an epic fail proposal. If you weren’t set on it being a surprise, which isn’t important at all (trust me. I thought that’s what I needed too, but I was just happy to finally be engaged to my FI when our non-surprise proposal happened), you could have had a nice anniversary and a nice proposal, and you wouldn’t be dealing with your awkward family issues.
I get where you’re coming from, but I think you would have been happy with the anniversary proposal.
I have a similar story….though not as tragic.
Last year, after having my first full-time job with benefits, my guy and I went on our first vacation together completely by ourselves. On the drive to Savannah, GA, I was telling him about my friends begging us to get engaged on our vacation. I knew that he had bought the ring when he worked at a Jewelry store before going back to school. He said that he’d give it to me when he knew that he had a stable job. I was happy with that, since I consider myself young (i’ll be 25 when we get married).
Back to our conversation…I was joking with him, but hinting as well. He’s an extremely serious person and doesn’t say things unless they are absolute. So when he said “Why would I bring the ring with me and ring loosing it or getting it stolen while we are on the beach?” Made sense to me, and I never thought about it again. We had a great vacation and loved every minute of being together.
Leaving the condo on the last day…we went to a restaurant for an early lunch before hitting the road home. We were dressed comfortably for our 8 hour car ride, but I did have on makeup, thank goodness. At the restaurant, we sat with a group of strangers, maybe 10 total. I was eating and chatting, enjoying the food and company…and all of the sudden I looked down and a ring box was next to my plate. Me being the total spaz I am, I didn’t immediately understand. He says, “you better open that” and I did. Shock and awe and surprise and the perfect engagement FOR ME! I love him, my amazing ring, and all the perfect and cute story I have to tell.
Luckily, a lady that was sitting next to me got out her camera when she saw him put the box next to my plate. She took pics of the whole thing an emailed them to me for keepsake. I don’t even remember her name, but I’m forever grateful for such precious photos.
Don’t feel to bad…My so romantic FI kept hinting around about it, I think he was thinking damn am I doing the right thing. Anyway I snooped in his wallet and found a receipt for a ring but wasn’t sure. A few days later we got into an argument about money becaue his exwife is always getting evicted and calling him for help so I accused him of giving her money and then he pulled out the receipt and said no I put a down a deposit on your engagement ring.
Then he told me because I ruined his surprise I had to wait until he decided to give it to me. So stuff happens all the time
Oh I feel for you so much. It sounds like he was pretty anxious himself to ask you. Just let things calm down a little. I think you shouls apologize but not because you did anything wrong (because you didn’t, you were just caught up in a moment of frustration) but because I’m sure it will open the dialogue between you two about the whole situation.
Not all of us get the proposal of our dreams but I’m sure this will be a story years from now you will be able to look back and talk about it with out it being a sad story.
That sooooo sounds like something I would do.
I think you’ll be elated when it does happen, and will have a funny story to tell 🙂
If it makes you feel any better it will probably be a funny engagement story in a few years 🙂 I’m sure you will enjoy it all the same! The important thing is that you get to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams!
Awww… I understand being disappointed!! But other people are right when they say, it won’t matter how or when. You could have prepared and planned and envisioned the moment 1,000 times, but it will NEVER prepare you for how you will feel when it actually is happening!! I promise!!! Revel in that, try to put it out of your mind (as much as possible!) and know that when it happens, it will be incredible. Maybe you weren’t meant to get engaged the first way…maybe there will be an even more meaningful way that he will propose now that he has to get a little creative, and it will be even better than it would have been!!! 🙂 Who knows! All I know is that if you truly love him, which it sounds like you do 100%, then it will be a glorious moment no matter what! 🙂
Same thing is happening to me… I am so pissed I feellike crying.
Not only had I found out, but all my ridiculous family back home from different countries (As a formality our parents told our families as tradition and respect in our culture that we are about to get married before he actually proposes but apprently told them not to say anything) and now some of them have even reached out to say congrats and it pisses me off so much because nothing even happened yet or have I been proposed to.
Now that I know, my immediate family keeps updating me on everything and how to do engagement party and shit and I havent even been propsoed yet!!!
When I tell them nothing has even happened yet, they are like okay well, you guys will do you own planned thing, but lets talk about what to do now with family, traditions, and telling ppl blah blah blah. The sheer and utter disrespect knowing how I feel. Treating it like some stupid formality when that itself is everything.
I wasnt supposed to find out but now that I already did they think its okay to keep on talking about it.
Now the surpise I waited for for my whole life is gone… I’ll never get it back. Now its just a stupid formality. I feel so sad. This was more important to me than anything. Ive dreamed of this day and now I cant genuinely be excited or surprise anyone else. I’m so pissed and sad. I’m 23 almost 24 and been with my bf for 6 years since HS and he’s 26. We talked about this day and he knew what I wanted but now its all gone to shit. I even know its going to bein the next couple weeks.
I know eveyones will say try to forget about it and enjoy the moment. But enjoy what moment?? I feel so confused and not sure how to feel. Everything that I thought will come after is aleady happening and idk what to look forward to. And how can I forget about it? Everytime I try family brings it up. I tell them to stop. Infact I really dont want to know anymore. And I try so hard to preseve whats left I never go digging. But people keep shoving info and ideas and next steps in my face. I just literlly wanna crawl into a hole.
Let’s just get this over with I guess… Thats my attitude now.