(Closed) Err.. this is awkward – do we owe her? (Money related)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you think it's fair for her to ask us to even out the cost?
    Yes, the gift came from all of you so it should be divided up evenly : (4 votes)
    5 %
    No way, it was her choice to splurge and she never asked you about it so it's on her : (81 votes)
    94 %
    Other, I'll explain : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Mrs. Alias:  Hmmm so everyone bought their own items to contribute to the basket? (Rather than one person getting a list and buying it all right?)

    If each person contributed their own piece, I really feel like it’s more of a “spend what you feel comfortable” thing. If you’d all come up with a list of things to go in the basket and then assigned each person to buy an item, the cost splitting would make more sense.

    Post # 4
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Nope, you all spent what you wanted to spend.

    Post # 5
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think this is the kind of situation that you have to be really careful with upfront, to make sure everyone is on the same page. In general group gifts are divided evenly so I can kind of see why she sent that email out–though it seems kind of petty of her to be asking for $2/4 from everyone.

    Post # 6
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I would come up with the price of items you bought before the coupons, it not your fault you were more thrifty then others. If they are out a huge amount then I might give them a little something. If I were them I honestly wouldn’t expect others to pay me back if I threw in something more expensive, especially if we are talking about $20 bucks more then others.

    Post # 7
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    That is . . . really rude.

    Post # 8
    2107 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I have to agree that if everyone already contributed their own gifts, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for more.  It was up to each individual to choose how much they were spending for their portion. 


    Post # 9
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If each person contributed individual items to the baskets, then I don’t see how you owe her money.

    Post # 10
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Mrs. Alias:  In response to the “is it okay with everyone if I buy their favorite expensive alcohol?” question, I would probably just respond something to the effect of “We are each contributing a gift in a price ranged we’re comfortable with, you’re free to give whatever you’d like!”. And, no, I don’t think you should pay her back to make it even.

    Post # 11
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t give her any money…she can suck it up…I think you presented it in a way that invited people to add to it, but nothing formal where you are dividing up costs, etc. People like that bother me!

    Post # 12
    46264 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Do what you feel is right this time. Consider this a lesson learned for the future. Make sure you clarify the intent if you ever do this again. There’s always somebody who will misunderstand what seems to be a simple idea.

    Post # 13
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    if its only 20 bucks more that she spent, thats about $4  per person, thats kinda ridiculous for her to really expect everyone to give her $4, personally its no big deal eitherway, I wouldnt sweat over $4 but I dont think you have to pay her that money

    Post # 14
    9627 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I agree with those PP’s who feel this was rude of her.  It was your idea to begin with, so where does she come off even asking you that?  Unless she’s a close friend, if it were me, I would just ignore her request.  It seems along the lines of a situation like this:  Four friends at a restaurant, three of whom order a light salad and drink and one who orders a four course steak dinner.  And then wants to “split the check evenly.”  Um, NO.  I didn’t order an expensive dinner, YOU did. 

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