(Closed) escort card

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@ella_ny:  Etiquette is the native land of Double Standards:

If I were to use “and Guest” on an escort card, even if the guest in question is “just” a random stranger, then I would be falling short on my duty as a hostess: to know and be able to vouch for every guest, and to treat every guest as equally valued for his or her own sake.

However, if my hostess were inadvertantly to refer to me as “and Guest”, I would have to assume that she just didn’t know any better, poor thing, and is doing her very best in trying circumstances, and quite possibly had her gauche fourteen-year-old brother writing out the escort cards as a favour and didn’t notice that he was misinformed about the proper way to address people.


Post # 4
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The only way I would ever do that on an escort card is if I invited someone with an unnamed +1 (meaning they weren’t in a relationship and I was OK with them bringing a guest of their choosing) and they never gave me the name of their +1. I would follow up to get the name once, maybe twice, but I also don’t think it’s polite to hound someone incessantly to get the name of their +1.

So in that situation I would do “and guest” on the card. But definitely not in your situation.  Just chalk it up to ignorance, a lot of people have no clue what they are doing.

Post # 5
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion

@ella_ny:  This happened to me a couple of times on wedding invitations.  The first time, I had been with Fiance for 2 years and we were living together.  It came addressed to Fiance and guest.  I was livid.  It’s not that difficult to send a text to find out someone’s name, or to check facebook.  There was another time about 1.5 years ago that an invite came addressed just to Fiance, but both of our names were written in on the RSVP card.  Very strange. 

I can completely understand why you would be upset.  That was rude of them.  You’re not a “guest,” you two live together, and they are well aware of what your name is.  Sounds like some sort of a passive-aggressive dig to me.

Post # 6
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This happened to me recently at a friend’s wedding.  SO and I have been together for 6 years, and this friend was there when we met.  She knows him well and definitely knows his name, so I’m not sure why he was addressed this way.  The invitation was made out to both of us.  I chalked it up to her mother or someone making the chart.  It was a catholic wedding, so maybe we weren’t recognized because we aren’t married?  Who knows.  But yes, I was a bit offended.

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