Established Bees – Long Term Finance Talk BEFORE Wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: When should we chat about wills?
    Before marriage : (80 votes)
    92 %
    After marriage : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Marriage is about love, not money! : (0 votes)
    Mama always said, "You should marry for love but money doesn't hurt!" : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1826 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    You just say that you need to work on your combined financial issues so everything goes smoothly after the wedding (budget, long term goals, investments and wills).

    I honestly don’t understand why people act like this is a taboo subject. This is not some stranger on the street this is going to be your husband. There should be nothing to feel bad or awkward about it is just something that has to be done and if you can’t now then what makes you think it will be easy once the paper is signed?

    Post # 4
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @LilRhodyGem:  We definitely talked at length about my debts/assets and his assets, but not about wills. I think we both assume that everything will be evenly distributed between our gestating child and our future babies!

    Post # 5
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    FI and I don’t have a will yet (we’re both just under 30) so that conversation hasn’t come up but we’ve definitely had lengthy conversations about our current finances, our future financial goals and aspirations, how we will combine our assets and budget accordingly. This is what is relevant to us at this stage in our lives – if I was at a different life stage, I would certainly have conversations about what is relevent to us as a couple at that time.

    I think these are conversations you should have before entering into a long term committment with somebody. If you can’t have this conversation now, why do you think it’ll be easier to have after you’re married? I would definitely be telling him my expectations for what has to change after the wedding. I might bring it up by saying I was making an appointment with my lawyer to update my will a week before/after the wedding or whatever. Then ask him when he is making the same appointment and start the conversation there?

    Open communication is key!

    Post # 6
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I advise before. DH and i want to get into real estate to build a retirement fund. If one of us wanted to invest in something else that would be a bit of an argument. 

    its NEVER a bad idea to have all your ducks in a row when it comes to discussing finances. its one of the biggest causes of arguments in marriage. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    10495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It doesn’t hurt to do it now.  I know that here, marriage will override some things that were previously set.

    DH and I didn’t talk about wills though.  We don’t have any.  We don’t have kids, if something happened to one of us the other would keep everything.  If something happened to both, we’re ok with leaving it up to our families.  We do have beneficiaries/successors set up on certain accounts, and we did talk about that as they were set up both before and after marriage.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would definitely talk this through before the wedding. I am in a similar situation to you. My husband has some savings (less than me) and student loan debt. We knew all of each others assets and debts early in the engagement. He started coming with me to meetings with my fiancial planner. We wanted to know everything and be clear about how we would treat money after we were married. Because neither of us has dependents we have not drawn wills up, because we both agree all major assets would go to the other. However, if one of us had kids, we would definitely have wills and be explicit about who gets what. I think that in your situation, the kids complicate things a bit, so you two just need to be sure you’re on the same page. It doesn’t have to be a big awkward conversation, just be honest that you want to be sure you’re both thinking everything through and know what the other wants. Also, I’d talk about medical stuff. Specifically, views on life support. My husband knows I wouldn’t want to be kept alive on machines. You never want to think about it, but it’s good to know.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4223 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    IMO money is never an off-limits topic when you’re entering into a financialy legally binding contract for life with someone like marriage. You should know where you both stand and have all of your ducks in a row going into it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    10495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    My above post was more about wills, I think money should be an ongoing conversation.  We weren’t exactly established when we first started talking about money, and it was multiple conversations.  We had serious conversations before we were in an interdependent/common law relationship, before we were engaged.

    Post # 11
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We talked it through before getting engaged – decided to share all our money once engaged and we wrote our wills within a month of our wedding.  Especially inportant now I am pregnant.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1826 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @AB Bride:  You should make wills. Even though you intend for your SO to get everything if there isn’t a will the government will get involved…this means a lot more taxes on it and a possibility of it not going to your SO. Also a will keeps others from taking your SO to court to receive some of the estate and is the best way to say who you want to get guardianship of any minor children.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @LilRhodyGem:  I do agree that all finances should be discussed before marriage because you don’t want any surprises down the line (all big issues should be discussed before marriage, not after. It makes no sense to potentially divorce about something that can be discussed first).

    I don’t agree with what I think you’re saying though – you sound financially independent and you certainly don’t need him to “make sure you’re okay” when he passes on. If he chooses to leave his money to his children, that’s his choice. I wouldn’t try to dictate that.

    I believe people should be financially independent and not be relying on someone else for their wellbeing. It certainly sounds as though you are, so I don’t think this particular issue needs to be addressed. It’s his money and his choice…you have your money and that’s your choice.

    Post # 14
    Member
    10495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @Luayne:  The taxes are taken care of with the beneficiaries and successors designated on registered accounts.  We have no kids.  There’s no one who would have a reasonable claim that we’re concerned about.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1826 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @AB Bride:  Do you co-own a house? Cars? Investments? There are a lot of things that don’t have registered beneficiaries. The only reason I say this is because we are going through all this right now and that was all brought up.

    Post # 16
    Member
    10495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @Luayne:  Is there any tax benefit to have a will for those things though?  I thought the taxes that would be paid would be the same whether or not there was a will.

    It’s not like we’re opposed to ever having one.  If we had kids we would have one.  Maybe once we’re both working we’ll get one.

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