Establishing Boundaries w/ Mom

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: How Often Do You Speak w/ Your Mom
    Daily : (18 votes)
    22 %
    Multiple Times a Week : (29 votes)
    36 %
    Once Weekly : (15 votes)
    19 %
    Multiple Times a Monthly : (14 votes)
    17 %
    Once Monthly : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Less Frequently Than Stated Above : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Other (Explain) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1915 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    Good on you for taking this step. I’m a three hour flight from my mum and we chat probably once every ten days or two weeks for half an hour or so. DH talks to his mum a couple of times a week – they’re a two hour drive from us. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2067 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    My parents are about a 2 hour drive from us.  I talk with them on the phone for about an hour once a week on the weekend.  I text my mom throughout the week as needed (share info about a sale going on, ask her a question about a recipe, etc.  So, sometimes we text multiple times during the week, sometimes not at all, it really depends).  We also spend a weekend up at my parents house about once every 2 months.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2138 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    My parents are a six hour drive away. I see them in person probably 4 times a year. My mom and I text almost every day, just little things like links or just to say hi. Probably 4-5 times a week. We talk once a week or once every 2 weeks. Our relationship can be strained but nothing beyond the normal mother daughter dynamic. She has very strong opinions and no filter, so we butt heads sometimes. 

    Good on you to take steps toward figuring out healthy boundaries!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2138 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    j9marie :  I can definitely see how that frequency would be frustrating! It must interfere with your work and home life to a pretty major degree! You are definitely doing the right thing! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2505 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    I talk to my mom about once a week, sometimes maybe one or two times more if something is going on or we’ll be meeting up or whatever.

    She lives an hour away & I would say that we’re moderately close relationship-wise.

    Post # 9
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Biltmore Estate

    I talk to my mom every weekday unless one of us is traveling or has other committments. I call her for about 10 minutes in the morning and then maybe another 15-30 minutes during my lunch break (depends on how much we have to talk about, lol). Especially with the wedding we have had a lot more decisions to make and things to discuss. My parents live 15 hours away from me and I only see them maybe 4 times a year. My sister doesn’t call her as much and my dad travels a lot, so I feel kind of guilty if I don’t call her. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    It’s going to be different for each individual. If you’re unsure but currently overwhelmed, I suggest, with your therapist’s advice, scaling it back slowly. If you do everyday, go back to 3 times a week. If still overwhelming, go down to once a week. If still, go down to once every two weeks. You get the idea. Take your time with yourself and with therapy and finding a place in communication that works for you.

    I do not speak to my mother. I had to cut contact. My husband rarely talks to his mom. He probably talks to her once every few months. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5450 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    j9marie :  I would LOVE to have a mom who texted with me a couple times a week, but I don’t. I have one that barely cares what’s going on in my life. So I voted once a month. I recently had a medical procedure she swears she didn’t know was occuring and so when we spoke she gave it like 17 seconds and then went on and on about this wonderful steak she’d had and the wax in her ears. No lie. Oh well. Luckily I have good friends and a great husband!

    I think you are doing the right thing. Your mom is not a typical mom so I’m sure it is trickier to establish boundaries with her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee

    Fi and I live in the same city as our parents. I usually see my parents Saturday morning and sometimes my mom and I go run errands. We don’t talk on the phone often, and by not-often I mean only if there is car trouble, or we are planning something, or I want to make sure they will be home the upcoming weekend.

    My FI sees his family about every other weekend, but we go through phases of seeing them every. single. weekend. and then we won’t see them for a month and a half. I don’t know how often he talks to them on the phone but I expect not much.

    There is no normal, there is only healthy. and Healthy is also different for different people. Good Luck!!

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