Post # 1
I’m going anonymous for this one and hating myself for doing it.
I have an estranged friend who was like a little sister to me. I recently was able to make contact with her through email.
Backstory: My friend “Amy” has had a few broken engagements and recently a divorce. Her husband started cheating on her before her wedding. She found out after the wedding and he refused to end it so she divorced him.
Three years ago, I moved to a new city for a job. I started dating someone but had lots of male friends. One (Josh) asked me if I had any single friends. I told him about Amy. She was cute, stacked, super happy, and loved to travel but she lived in my hometown. He told me he was interested when he saw her pictures and to invite her out to see me. So I called her. She had literally just gotten in a relationship with “Dave”, the guy she wound up marrying who cheated on her. I haven’t talked to her since her divorce over a year ago.
So now that’s she’s single, she wants to know about Josh. No big deal, except he’s my husband! Yep, I married him. I told her. She looked at his pictures on facebook and said he is super hot and I should have never gone out with him. FWIW, she had a thing for my ex but never acted on it.
She’s always been the type of girl who would drop everything to move to a new place. Now she wants to visit me and meet the guy that I thought was perfect for her. My husband is also interested in what she is like. She mentioned visiting for a couple of weeks but she’s been known to quit her job just to travel around. She mentioned looking for a job in my city.
I know she’s been through a lot. everytime she gets out of a bad relationship, she becomes a relentless scorned woman out to destry everyone’s happiness. I wouldn’t it put it past her to contact my husband.
I feel like the biggest idiot now. What should I do? I miss our friendship but I feel like I’d be the 5th wheel since I tried to hook them up. Please don’t worry about offending me. I need some honest opinions.
Post # 3
I had a friend like that once too. She only contacted me when she needed something. Usually a babysitter or money. I’ve blocked her out of my life. Those kind of people are very selfish and don’t care who they hurt as long as they are happy. I wouldn’t let her visit. Especially after the comments she made about your husband. That’s my opinion.
Post # 4
Oh none of this sounds good. She wants to visit for a couple of weeks? and what? sleep on your couch? nope.
She mentioned moving to your city? weird.
You’re concerned about being the third wheel with your own husband and her? fail.
This all sounds super fishy and I wouldnt let her within 10 feet of the man I married. If she does some travelling and ends up in your city (in her own hotel room) meet up with her for dinner with your DH and one of his single friends.
Post # 5
Okay, commenting about how hot he is after you said you married him is creepy. I would try to steer any email conversations away from talk of a visit. Just ignore it if she mentions it. Most people will get the hint.
If she continues to bring it up, then make excuses about too much going on in your life right now if you can. I’d just try to stay in touch and attempt to talk about other things in life until she gets over her issues that make her want to destroy your happiness.
If she does contact your husband, do you think he’d tell you? If he does, then I think simply explaining that while you are glad to be in touch with her again, you know that she has a history of trying to bring other people down when she’s suffering, so you’d like to be more of a distance friend to her right now until she’s in a better place.
Post # 6
@LibertyBelle: I do think he would tell me if she contacted him.
I’m usually such a confident person and it bothers me that this girl makes me jealous. She looks identical to my H’s first true love. She has the same eyes, hair color/style, and even the same body type/height. Her personality is different than the first girl but it is exactly like my husbands and they have more interests in common than we do. They even have some of the same mannerisms which is too weird. Which is why I figured he would want to date her.
I can say that there are times when I have told him something about her and he has said, and this is the girl you wanted to hook me up with? I know he loves me and picked me. I really hate myself for hating her and thinking she is perfect for him. Why must I be so insecure???
Post # 7
Why is your husband interested in meeting her? Hello red flag. I’d keep her at arms length.
Post # 8
@mixtapehearts: I think he only wants to meet her because she is a former friend of mine from my hometown and he’s never met any of them. I used to hang out with her all the time and since I don’t have many girlfriends, he’s interested in what she is like. Plus she is the exact image of his first love, only I think she is much prettier than his first.
Post # 9
I ditto exactly what MissNoodles said!!
I wouldn’t be too comfortable with a braud like that being around my hubs. I certainly wouldn’t judge or fault you for not wanting her getting too close to your DH.
Funny thing, my BFF wanted to set me up with a guy when we were in HS and she wound up dating him for over a year. Glad it was her and not me, though, he turned out to be a bit of a jerky boyfriend.
ETA: Wait, she said “you should have never gone out with him”?? What the hell does that mean?!
Post # 10
Sorry that is just weird. Your husband wants to meet and hang out with the girl you tried to set him up with? IDK. I wouldn’t be down with any of that. I wouldn’t be friends with someone I felt was going to cause trouble in my relationship so just go back to not speaking with her. Not worth it.
Post # 11
I’m not sure I would call this person a “friend”.
Post # 12
@CherryWaves: When I first told her about Josh, she was keeping it a secret that she was with Dave because it happened so fast after her broken engagement. I talked up Josh to her quite a bit. I also wanted her to come visit me and it was a stupid reason, I know. I’m surprised she even remembers him since it was over 3 years ago. I figured she would be in a new relationship after her divorce now.
@mixtapehearts: Thanks for your reply. I was thinking the same thing but I’ve never once been a jealous person and it kind of scared me.
Post # 13
@anonbee: That’s no excuse for that comment, IMO. She lost her chance. A REAL friend would say, “Awesome! Best wishes to you guys!” and all that jazz, not that you shouldn’t have gone out with him and that he’s hot. Yeah, I had a couple girls say that my DH was good lookin’, but that followed with, “Good job, girl!” or something along those lines. Not appropriate.
Post # 14
I promise you, if you arrange for them to meet, you’ll worry yourself to pieces about the outcome, and what they (esp. he) might be thinking.
Why, exactly, does she want to meet your husband? Because she was once interested in him?
Post # 15
@CherryWaves: No excuse is right… like if you hadn’t dated him, THEY”D be married now? Like it’s just that easy?
Sorry, men are not like the last Chips Ahoy in the bag, you cannot call “DIBS!” on a person.