Post # 1
Just recently my FI’s younger sister rang and told us she was coming to London (she lives in Munich) for a month. She said she’d be staying with a friend, but just not to worry her boyfriend, could we pretend she was staying with us? This sounded very weird and after a bit of questioning she cracked. Turns out a month ago her boyfriend (who she lives with) had paid for a holiday for her and her best friend to go to Thailand, where FSIL had met a guy from London.
She says they’re in love. She says they want to be together. Now, she’s coming to stay with him for a month. She hasn’t told her bf, who she has been with for 5 years, about any of this. So basically she’s trying this new guy out, and if it works, she’ll dump her bf and move on. If it doesn’t… she plans to return to her boyfriend.
This bothers the hell out of me. Normally I really like FSIL, but this is beyond the pale. She’s asking us to lie for her, to pretend to her boyfriend when/if he calls that she’s staying with us and say she’s just gone out/ is in the shower/ is asleep – and will call back.
My FI agrees that her behaviour is horrible, but has basically said “She’s my sister, my primary loyalty lies with her, not with her boyfriend”.
I think he should refuse, in fact, I think he should tell the boyfriend what’s up. This guy has been nothing but sweet and loving to FSIL, even by her own words. He’s been financially supporting her for nearly a year (she’s been unable to work due to an injury) and he spent his Christmas bonus on sending her on her “dream holiday” (where she met the guy). He’s even offered her spending money for her trip to London. I just feel so bad for him.
BTW: this will all be between my FI, my FSIL and her BF since whatever needs to be said will happen in German, and my German is subpar.
So what would you do? Any advice for me?
Post # 3
That’s tough. I’d say if your FI does not want to tell the guy then you two should at the very least refuse to cover for her. I cannot believe the nerve of her to let this poor guy PAY for an expensive vacation for her and her best friend and then spend a month away testing out some guy she met on the vacation he paid for? That’s just… sickening.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t cover for her. If he asks you, tell him the truth. How awful for the boyfriend.
Post # 5
I don’t think I’d tell her bf what was going on but I also wouldn’t lie for her. Just because it’s my sibling doesn’t mean I’m going to help them treat other people like sh*t.
Post # 6
That’s a horrible thing for your FSIL to do to her BF and to you & your FI! That being said, I would not tell her boyfriend. You will have the rest of your life to spend with FSIL – This would start your marriage on a super rocky foundation with her.
I would tell her you are not lying for her. If her BF calls, just say she is not there. If the BF starts grilling you or FI, tell him to ask his girlfriend what’s up.
Post # 7
She can cover her own tracks, I’d just stay out of it. The only person I would probably talk to about this is your FSIL, and tell her how she’s being a total skank. Does the new guy know she has a BF? If he does, he’s a total douchebag and I say let her be with him and leave her to her own fate.
Post # 8
I don’t have any real advice for you, but my German isn’t bad if you want help translating a message. Just PM me if you decide you want to take that course of action and need help.
Post # 9
Well, at least you have an ‘out’ by not speaking German very well…you don’t have to do any of the actual lying. I’m sure you’ll still feel awful about it, though…I’d let your FI know again that you don’t want any part of it. How will this make you feel about your FI if he does all this lying? I know I get hella frustrated with my FI whenever he does something I think isn’t on the up-and-up…not lying, but complaining about things that other people do that HE has also done. I let him know, too! I’d let your FI know that it will make you upset at HIM for lying.
I don’t see this working out anyway…it’s like something out of a movie, and remember, in the movies, somebody ALWAYS finds out the truth!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t lie for her but I wouldn’t rat her out either.
Post # 11
Honesty will be your best policy here. Don’t go out of your way to get involved, but don’t cover for her. And I would definitely tell her she’s doing a really shitty thing, too.
Post # 13
I’m not covering for her. If the boyfriend calls I’ll tell him she’s not staying with us, but I just wish I could convince FI to do the same, because coming from him, in German, there would be no misunderstanding: She is not living with us.
But he is loyal to her.
The whole thing just makes me feel sick.
Post # 14
I would tell the her that your not going to lie. BUT I wouldnt go out of my way to tell him either. This is going to be your sister in law, you dont wanna cause drrama with her, ya know.
But you could always sit her down and try to talk to sense into her!
Post # 15
That is so awful. I wouldn’t lie for her but I wouldn’t tell on her either, she is family and no matter how dispicable I think her actions are I wouldn’t want to ruin the family dynamic.
Post # 16
@Tibbs: Wow that’s awful!! This girl is a piece of work.
If you can’t convince your FI not to cover for her, I would just try to stay out of it as much as you can. Like don’t do any lying yourself.
I would be so tempted to tell her bf everything… but you don’t want to upset your fiance… and it would suck for your FSIL to hate you forever because of this.