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I think it's wonderful that you want to be knowledgeable about his traditions.
If you check bee blogs there are a couple that incorporated "traditional" Korean customs. I quote because if I remember correctly a lot of them were loose interpretations on the traditions.
Does he have any siblings/cousins you can talk to? Or do his parents speak English? I ask because I imagine like Chinese wedding customs it differs by region? And each family incorporate traditions a little differently. IE Lots of Chinese are Buddhist and many Chinese customs for a Buddhist is different than a Chinese custom for a Christina. My SIL is Buddhist and they pray and burn incense before the tea ceremony. But my family is Christian so for mine we did not pray. We eat good luck noodles before leaving the home but she does not.
@Gerbera: Thanks for the quick response! Yep, I've checked out those bees' "traditions"..pretty standard paebak stuff.
He doesn't have any siblings, but I can start talking to his cousins about etiquette and expectations. Both his parents actually passed away, and he is closer to his Korean side of the family--and they speak English really well--have been in the US since the 70's. I read stuff about how in Korean culture the bride's side is expected to pay for most of the wedding expenses, including engagement party. Do you know if there is truth to that? At the engagement party (which we are tentatively planning for this summer), should I give gifts to his family?
I am happy to be an intercultural bee! All the fun and diversity to be enjoyed! :)
I agree, paebaek is a great way to include Korean culture in your wedding.
As for who pays for what, my understanding is that the bride's family hosts the wedding and the groom's family hosts paebaek. But I think now, most couples and families contributes based on their financial situation. For example, when my brother got married (he's Korean and so is my SIL), my parents paid for the food and paebaek, her parents paid for the flowers, and my brother+SIL covered all other expenses. Also, My parents did prepare a hahm for my SIL...And they also bought her hanbok to wear for paebaek. I think in return, my SIL's parents bought a suit for my brother.
Hope this helps!
@missjo117: thanks! this certainly helps. I hope they do the hahm..how fun is that! The more investigating I do, the more I discover how similar Korean culture is to Pakistani culture. We also have the tradition of the groom bringing the bride a beautiful spread of clothes and matching accessories.
My fiance doesn't know much about paebaek, but one thing he does seem highlight is that a hanbok costs around $3,000, and it doesn't make sense to spend that much for a 2 hour ceremony. I actually really want to wear one and incorporate the paebaek. Are there nice hanboks for sale in the US that do not cost as much?
Thanks!
@deebs: You can get a really nice hanbok for about $800-1000. Your FI might be including the red overcoat thing that you would wear over your hanbok during the paebaek ceremony, but people usually don't buy that. It should be included in the paebaek rental. You can even considering renting a hanbok for $200-300.
@missjo117: thank ya! i've been seeing on the boards that flushing, queens ny is a hub for hanbok and other korean wedding essentials. i will certainly make a visit with my fiance :)
The custom of the bride's family paying for everything is similar in Chinese customs as well. But like many customs it's a bit antiquated and depends on the family. Like for our wedding (my husband is American) we technically paid for our wedding ourselves with generous gifts from both families.
It really depends on how traditional his family is and with his parents gone you can be a lot looser with the "traditions".
If you're in NYC def check out Flushing Mall, any of the bridal shops in Chinatown or Flushing. I'm pretty positive you can rent a paebaek at them instead of buying one. I rented my QiPao from a bridal salon in Chinatown.
My makeup artist in Bayside Queens actually are Korean and they have a ton of different traditional Korean outfits for rental.
yeah, i think he and i will be paying for most of the wedding ourselves with gifts from family. thanks for the flushing mall and bayside queens reccs!
hi hive!
thought i'd through this question your way...my fiance thinks he overheard one of his aunt's saying that because neither of his parents are alive, we cannot do the paebaek ceremony. is this true? if so, what korean traditions can we include at our wedding?
thanks!
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hello bees,
my fiance is half korean. he is a typical boy and knows nothing about korean wedding traditions. could you suggest a good place for me to learn about the culture / etiquette surrounding korean weddings? i've read about the paebaek ceremony, and gorgeous hanboks...but looking for advice on any general expectations that a groom's family has for the bride and her family regarding gifts, engagement party, etc? Any etiquette i should be made aware of? of course, i will also be talking to his family, but wanted a head start :)
thanks for your help, bees!