Weddingbee boards

I was a junior bridesmaid in my older sister's wedding 10 years ago, and I didn't realize that bridesmaids had to actually DO anything. I mean, I was only 14 but in hindsight I wish I would have helped more with everything. At my first non-family wedding as an adult, I didn't bring a gift, and I probably dressed too casually (nice pants and a cotton top)... but it was also a 2PM ceremony with no meal served, so maybe not. Since then, I've been to 4 more friends' showers and weddings, been a bridesmaid, and gotten engaged, so now I feel like I know how it 'should be', and I try to be on top of the gift giving, attire, etc.

Totally guilty of not realizing you had to bring gifts to both the shower AND wedding! I always brought gifts for shower and nothing for wedding. I feel terrible in hindsight that I gave nothing to a few of my friends that got married when we were still young but at the very least I always did good on their shower. Whoops!

Wedding etiquette (especially gift etiquette!) makes me roll my eyes so hard. So much of this stuff is just pointless! That said, I don't think I've ever broken any wedding etiquette - probably because I've always just trooped along with my parents.

Ok I have two:

1) I wasn't invited to a cousin's wedding but I had my mom ask and I found out about a no cousins rule...but her mom let me come last minute when they had room for one more.  However I didn't feel bad when it came to my wedding and I did invite them...her sister RSVP'ed no...then asked wait can I come now and we changed it to yes after we'd submitted our table counts etc to the venue and we had to change it...and then the day before she told us she couldn't come after all!

2) DH asked a friend if I was invited to a wedding when the invitation was addressed to him only.  However the friend claimed of course I was, she just didn't know my name and thought it would be rude to put "and guest."  I don't know if she was giving a little white lie or not, but we're all good friends now!

I am definitely guilty of RSVPing for 2- when looking back- it was probably just an invite for me, even though I had been dating my now FI for at least 3 years at that point! Didn't honestly think anything of it until I started reading the wedding blogs...and hoping that people don't do that for my wedding!

I was invited to a wedding just myself not with a +1.  After receiving the invite, I turned to my mom and said "wow, I guess I need to find someone to be my date!"  She quickly told me that it was just me that was invited.  Thankfully I found out that little tidbit before just showing up with someone.

I also made a similar faux pas when I was a student.  Forgot to bring a gift to the wedding and then honestly could not scrimp together the money to mail a check to the couple within the allotted time.  My fiance and I were kind of strapped after driving four hours and staying the night at the Hilton where there reception was held too.  I guess one could say we shouldn't have said yes if we couldn't afford a gift though.

material gift to shower, money gift to wedding is what ithought? I heard once that it was rude to bring money to shower and rude to bring a boxed gift to a wedding!

@HeatherShane: Couldn't have said it better myself! I think it's just as rude to be upset with someone who only can't afford to cover the cost of their plate as a gift. My FH and I were invited to many weddings throughout our nearly 5 year relationship thus far, at times when we were financially well off and other times when we were both laid off from our jobs. We could not always afford to give $250 as a gift, but we did give as much as we could and sometimes an extra side gift to show a personal, caring touch. As HeatherShane said, "gift-giving ettiquite" is just ridiculous, almost an oxymoron.

I've only been to 3 family weddings and well, I was younger, being in the bridal party of the 1st one (as a candle lighter? lol!) so, pretty much I followed examples set for me.
But I have been to 2 weddings as a photographer so etiquette is COMPLETELY different as that! I've never personally had to buy gifts or anything like that unless you cunt this past summer, but again, I didn't buy anything as the gift was made by my mother and from the family. So yeah, no idea on the proper etiquette as a guest or anything. :/
Are there books or lists out there for guests or those planning their wedding?

I haven't committed any major etiquette blunders but I do remember how horrible I felt when I was all excited (as a 14 year old girl) to get invited to a wedding shower of a girl I grew up figure skating with, only to find out (at the shower) that she "was having a very small wedding" and almost half the people at the shower weren't invited.  I had gone and agonized over what gift to get her, it was the first time I'd been invited to something like that and the first time I'd even heard of a registry.  So to get all dressed up and stress over the perfect gift for this older "cooler" girl and spend so much time trying not to seem like a lame 14 year old, it really hurt to find out we weren't invited. 

So to this day, this is considered the worst blunder you can make in my book.  Don't invite people to your shower, accept the gift and then say "you're not important enough to pay for/invite to my exclusive event"

I would say my mistake has been not RSVPing with "No" to a friend's wedding.  We were both students at the time and I couldn't afford to fly to the US.  She emailed and it was totally fine, but now I worry that she spent time worrying about emailing me and stressing about her RSVPs!

Offences I've heard of, or experienced myself: the RSVP for more than the # indicated on the invite... especially when it was over guests my spouse wasn't too keen on having in the first place, let alone a 2 month old boyfriend +1s. 

Also - A card people.  I know people are students, I know people have spent lots to come, etc.  Please, just a card!  There was basically an inverse relationship between size of gift and quantity of words, but the cards with writing and letters in them were very, very much valued by us!!  We loved reading them and really appreciated the time taken to write them. 

@kerensa: You know what, that was really nice of your boss though to be concerned for you! Most people aren't so thoughtful, even if it was kind of tacky LOL :)

Oy - I'm guilty of contributing online to honeymoon funds and then showing up empty-handed to the wedding, without even a card. For some reason it never occurred to me to give one, since I had already given the gift beforehand.  Even my sister's wedding where I was MOH - I was so wrapped up in helping out leading up to and on the big day, that it never crossed my mind to actually give her a card.  I figured my speech would let her and her husband know how I felt. 

Going forward, I will always remember to bring a card to the wedding, no matter what.  I have read over and over on WB about how much the couple appreciates cards.  I feel so guilty!!!!

@andilene & @kerensa: Your stories remind me of when I was a lowly university student working part time each summer at a golf club... my amazingly kind boss invited us all to his awesome wedding, and the night before I realized that I hadn't gotten them a gift.  So... all I could do was write a cheque on my last, crumpled up cheque.  I was quite embarrassed to give it to him but didn't really have a choice at that point.  I think it was for $100.  In any event, he never cashed it.  I think back to how lame and pathetic that cheque must have looked, like I had been carrying it around for years waiting for the right moment to use it...  it looked so sh*tty, hahahahaha.  He must have known that I needed that $100 more than he did, lol.