etiquette and feminism on the invite re: parents' names

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
7019 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ask your parents what they think works best.

But I think this is one of those cases where it’s easiest to drop the “junior”. Anything else is either clumsy, sexist, or gives the impression that your parents are separated. 

p.s. In fact for our wedding we dropped the titles entirely, “John and Jane Smith, together with David and Sue Doe…” It might be easier to drop the “junior” if you’re also dropping the “Mister”.

Post # 3
3643 posts
Sugar bee

We did the lady’s name first, on all the addressing, i.e. Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith, Jr. We have many couples with 2 different last names/2 lines on envelope. 

After the save the dates were mailed, one of my daughter’s friends very curtly told her that they were Mr. and Mrs. James Jones, Jr., so they were the only exception to the addressing, for the invitations. And so far we’ve gotten back one e-mail RSVP with a Mr. and Mrs. His1stname Theirlastname, so we will use that on their escort card.  

Post # 4
155 posts
Blushing bee

Would “Together with their parents, Greensneakers and Redsneakers…” be possible? That’s what we’re going for even on quite formal invitations.

Post # 5
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If your mom is on board, this is one time I’d go old school and use Mr. And Mrs. John Smith, Jr.  

Post # 6
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

greensneakers:  My invitations person is very old school, but when I insisted on including my mother’s first name, she said that the wife’s name goes first.  So, it would be Mrs. & Mr. Jane and John Doe, Jr.  I think that looks better visually than the other ways you mentioned.  

In fact, I took it a step further with mine and am going to order without the Mr. and Mrs.  It will be just Jane and John Doe.  It is a formal event, but I don’t like titles so I am putting my foot down there.  I also am including “Son of Michael and Jennifer Smith” after my FI’s name, even though they are not paying for any part of the reception.

Post # 8
155 posts
Blushing bee

greensneakers:  I can understand both redsneakers preference and also your reaction :)<br /><br /> I have to be honest, it’s one of the strangest thing about wedding planning. It’s not even just the views of parents and partners – but even friends who you’ve hosted for years at parties. Who knew they would all suddenly have a super strong views about chairs, invitation wording or the wine you’re thinking of serving? I certainly didn’t 😛 <br /><br />Hope the stress stays minimal and you both will enjoy the wedding planning where possible! 😀 

Post # 9
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Why name them at all? We just did “Together with their parents, Myself anf My husband invite you…”

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