Etiquette Breaches

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

“Monetary gifts appreciated” 

I got this once on save the dates, bridal shower invites, AND wedding invites for the same couple. Lol we get it… Yuck. 

Post # 3
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just putting it out there: in Australia people rarely include RSVP cards and stamps. For one thing it’s a waste, because most people phone. For those who don’t, it’s not that hard to address an envelope and most people have stamps. Perhaps it’s the same in your cousin’s circle too?

The short amount of notice would bother me more. Oh well, if you can’t make it, you can’t.

MrsMcQN:  Soliciting for money though, eugh, horrible.

Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I am a walking etiquette faux pas.

I never RSVP, I always get a call

I never send thank you notes, instead I text or FB pics, with a personalized thank you. Ex: I sent my friend a text pic of my son on the power wheels she got him, with “Thank you Auntie LB! I’m having so much fun!”

I guess that’s all I can think of. In my own defense, my circle of people are all pretty bad at these things, except older family members.

A few things I would never do:

Ask for money (we feel funny even registering, but my Aunt said I have to otherwise people will get me whatever)

Wear white to someone’s wedding (unless specifically asked)

Put my wedding guests out, in any way

Post # 5
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

I can’t function when someone wears white to a wedding. It drives me nuts!

Post # 6
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

We didn’t use response cards for either daughter’s wedding and it wasn’t for budgetary reasons. From reading W/B, I discovered that they’re frowned-upon, by traditional etiquette. Through research, I found that most people get less than 50% back. Our responses were primarily done through wedding websites and e-mails. Secondarily, by seeing guests, phone calls to us, text messaging, etc.

For the 1st one, we sent out 150 invitations, to 250 people and only 1 couple failed to respond at all (everyone else did 10 days before the due date). For the 2nd one, we didn’t get a response, for 10% of the invitations sent. They were all from the groom’s side, where it seems to be common thinking, that you only need to respond if you plan to attend.

Some people just aren’t efficient. Since I don’t work, I had my girls’ websites up and running, with travel and room-block information, more than 10 months before each wedding, when we mailed-out the save the dates.

For one wedding I was invited to, the MOB told me the date, when the venue contract was signed. It was a good thing, because the bride was handling the STDs and didn’t mail them out until 4.5 months before the wedding. I think the bride got around to mailing the invitations a month before.

If you think someone breaches etiquette, what can you really do? Call the etiquette police? Refuse to attend, because you’re offended?

In our case, with the couple who didn’t RSVP to the first to marry, we didn’t bother inviting them to the 2nd one (it was half the size, anyway). It was a distant uncle, who didn’t even bother to send a congratulatory e-mail. Nuts to them!

Post # 7
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My friend texted me a photo of an invite to his fiance’s wedding shower (who I barely know). The second photo was their registry info. When I looked at the invite, the RSVP date passed a week before. I don’t think I am even invited to the wedding either!

Post # 8
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The point of etiquette is making your guests feel comfortable, welcome, and appreciated.  Therefore, any time I feel contrary to those, it’s a breach of etiquette.

What bothers me is when hosts don’t properly take care of their guests (adequate food/beverage is not provided) or when hosts do not thank their guests appropriately (thank you cards should be sent out promptly, not months later).

Post # 9
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

shoebox: Ragh! This bothers me. I was invited to an engagement party and hen’s party for a wedding to which I was not invited. I found it so strange. Engagement party… OK, that’s well in advance so maybe they thought they might invite me at that time. But hen’s party (bachelorette)? That’s right before the wedding!!

Not only that… their wedding was on my birthday.. so it’s not like I wasn’t aware of it happening…

And then to make it even stranger… a couple of years later, I said something to the groom about the date of my birthday and he thanked me for attending his wedding on my own birthday. He was very embarrassed when I pointed out that actually, I wasn’t there… why not?… you didn’t invite me… 

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

juski:  Is it possible your invite got lost in the mail? We found out a couple of our invitations never made it to the people we invited now that we are following up with the very few people who did not RSVP. I just think it strange that you were invited to both and not the wedding itself.

brendaray2009:  What I hate is never getting a thank you card. A lot of people don’t seem to send them. I sent thank you notes the day after my shower just to get them over and done with.

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

laceydoilies: Haha – truly I had never even considered that. But I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen. The bride – who had been quite a good friend of mine – was always a little bit cagey about the wedding whenever we talked about it, so I was pretty sure I wasn’t invited anyway (so I was pretty surprised about the hen’s party invitation). Also, I saw the couple pretty regularly and it was never ever mentioned to me or my partner.

Don’t worry.. I thought it was weird too. Note to self – don’t invite people to everything to do with the wedding except for the wedding itself. They know.

Post # 12
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom

shoebox:  OMG how tacky! lol

Post # 13
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

brendaray2009:  Etiquette does not require response cards. In fact, they are traditionally viewed as impolite because they suggest that you think your guests do not know how to respond to an invitation.

Post # 14
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Last year I attended a laid-back outdoor wedding.  People were dressed up, but not overly so – sundresses, khakis, button up shirts, etc.  The photographer, on the other hand, showed up in jeans and a freaking T-shirt.  The bride was seething at this guy because he looked so out of place and unprofessional compared to the other vendors.  I don’t care how casual the wedding is, unless the bride/groom tell you jeans are fine to wear (which this bride didn’t do), jeans are not okay to wear to a wedding.  Especially for a vendor.

Post # 15
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

juski:  

Totally agree. I think I am overly aware so I have tried to talk as little about my wedding as possible because I don’t want any awkwardness. Since you say she acted cagey it is obvious that she hadn’t invited you – and she should have defo not invited you to any pre-wedding stuff. What can you do though? It sounds like you guys are all still friends, though!

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