Etiquette Dilema

posted 3 years ago in August 2013
Post # 3
Member
3722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Id invite the 2+ years SO. Your sister has to understand that 1 month doesn’t equal 2+ years. 

Post # 4
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just so you know this is probably going to be a heated debate.  There are MANY threads on here with the same question.

Here is my answer to your actual question:

Invite the girlfriend, you should at minimum extend your definition to “serious relationships” as no everyone wants to/gets to live together before marriage.

Here is the rant (aka what I REALLY want to say)

You need to understand that when you split couples along these types of line, you are saying to your guests “I do not deem your relationship as legitimate as other’s who’ve shacked up.”  That’s a pretty crappy message to send.  I do not think you should split up couples (or “social units”) for a wedding.  It’s just not right.

That said, before I was married I did have one wedding that I was invited to on my own and it wasn’t that big of a deal.  I was pretty surprised and at first a little miffed, but in the end 1) I felt lucky to be invited at all as I was probably on the cusp of the guest list, 2) there were dozens of my university friends there, so it’s not like I was alone, 3) it was a Sunday evening wedding so I left before dancing anyway, 4) the couple didn’t know my partner well, 5) my partner really wanted to go on a camping trip with his buddies that weekend.

So I guess even people like me who think it’s a crappy thing to do, are fine with it in the right situation.

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You’re the couple getting married, you decide who gets a plus one. 

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would definintely invite her. From how you described the relationship she is not just a girlfriend but also a significant other. I agree with @cbgg: in that only inviting couples who are living together vs. not living together is not deeming their relationship as legitimate as those who are living together.

 

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Arcknitect:  I think if you put a rule in place, it applies to everyone. The proposal hasn’t happened yet and there is no guarantee that it will. Like your sister, I would be pissed too…I got engaged after 3 months so who is to say that a years long relationship is more legitimate? No matter what your invitee rule is, it should apply to each guest.

Post # 8
Member
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Dating 2 years- yes

Dating 1 month- no

Post # 10
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Arcknitect:  Awesome, glad it worked out!

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