Post # 1
So I am having a small wedding with a short guest list but my family wants to throw me a bridal shower. I don’t know the rules on this but my mom said that for a bridal shower you can only invite those people who are invited to the wedding. I feel bad about this for two reasons… I wouldn’t want people who are going to be at the wedding feel obligated to celebrate with two gifts (as they are adamit that I will get gifts) and also that there are people I love but still won’t be at the wedding and I wanted to share part of the experience with them. What are the rules on this and what do you guys think?
Post # 3
I had the same problem with small wedding (50 guests) and wanting to invite friends to the shower but knowing it was rude to do that if they’re not invited to the wedding….Luckily, FI’s sisters decided it would be a good idea to have a family get together/joint wedding shower where we invited the families who’d be invited to the wedding. It was held 2 weeks before the wedding and was a great way for me to meet the aunts and uncles and other extended family before the wedding day. I think it was understood that the gifts would double as wedding gifts because of the timing.
Post # 4
You definitely shouldn’t invite uninvited wedding guests to a bridal shower.
I completely understand you wanting to celebrate with the other people – but I think you are limiting yourself with the small wedding.
You could do a larger celebration post-wedding – but that would be more along the lines of a casual post-wedding reception – which may be more than your mom is willing to do.
Post # 5
You can’t invite people who aren’t invited to the wedding. It just seems rude since the point of a shower is to get your wedding presents. If you’re inviting people to the shower and not the wedding then it seems as if you’re only asking them for gifts.
I’d say don’t do it. Perhaps have a celebration dinner or something with those people.
I’m curious – who do you want to invited to the shower but not to the wedding? (How do you know them?)
Post # 6
it will be a bit awkward though if you invite people to the shower and then dont invite them to the wedding..
Post # 7
Okay so it seems everyone is in agreement. I talked to my mom and we are going to keep the shower small. As for who I would invite that isn’t invited to the wedding? Well it would be alot of family friends…. friends of my parents who have been around alot of my life. I am a pretty private person and even the idea of 50 looking at me when I dedicate my life to someone makes me nervous. But I have lived all over the world and if I let the guest list go then it would be at least 300 people. (soooo not what I want).
As for the point of the bridal shower… I guess I have never seen it as a way to get gifts… that is the last thing on my mind. I am living on the other side of the country from my family and many friends so I haven’t really had a very bridal experience. My mom and sister in law want to give me an afternoon to start getting excited about the wedding as I haven’t really had anyone but my fiance to share in it with. I sign contracts via fax and go to all my dress fittings alone. Takes some of the “fun” out of it.
Post # 8
I went dress shopping alone, dress fittings alone, did most of my planning via email and fax too. I felt the same way about family friends back home….especially since they were the people I grew up with in my church (my father is a pastor). It’s a tough situation to be in b/c you want to include these people in your celebration in some way and you want to see them, but in the end I thought it would be awkward to not be inviting them to the wedding. Some of them were upset and it made me feel really bad…
Maybe you can have a get-together after the wedding and celebrate at a later time, making sure everyone knows no gifts are necessary?