Post # 1
Groom has a cousin by marriage (his uncle married her mother) who has never liked me. She’s never really personally known me either, but since another person she knows didn’t like me, she took the same feeling about me I suppose. She even went so far as when she first heard he asked me on a date, she called and told him awful things about me to try and persuade him not to date me! She’s said some not-so-kind things behind our backs over the years that I’ve gotten wind of through mutual friends. Recently, we went to a wedding in which she was the MOH and she didn’t even speak to me, which is usual unless I speak to her first. When it comes to our guest list, we are inviting aunts, uncles, and first cousins on his paternal side because his cousins are more like his siblings (he was raised by aunts/uncles) that he grew up with. However, first cousins on his maternal side are not as close to him and many are the product of remarriage (his grandfather married a woman who has 6 kids, and they all have 1-3 kids, and most of them have kids). Is this an etiquette faux pas? Can I get away with not inviting the rude cousin who has never supported our being together?
Post # 3
Depends on wether or not you are inviting other close relatives of hers, or if you are say going to invite most of the maternal cousins except for her? If so, invite her. If you’re not inviting most or all, don’t fret. FI has close and not so close cousins and we are inviting the very close, sibling-like ones and those we see at almost every social gathering, but others whom they see less than once or twice a year arent getting an invite. Also, Im inviting my maternal cousins, my mum is only one of two kids so her side is very small and we see them all every year. However my dad is one of 9, with two deceased siblings. No one but my dad and his long-term partner are getting an invite and not one of them will care, let along their kids!
I never assume Im going to someones wedding unless its pretty immediate family, so I would hope they don’t assume either.
Either way she hates you, what more damage could you do? 😉
Post # 4
When did your grandfather get remarried?
If his step-kids and his bio-kids grew up together, then I would definitely invite the cousins (sorry!), but if he re-married when they were all adults, I would feel more comfortable JUST inviting the bio-kids (assuming you’re not having a 200 or 300 person blow-out wedding!)
Post # 5
Its fine. Its not like you are snubbing a parent or sibling.
Post # 6
She might not come, but you probably need to invite her. Just to be courteous- take the high road! There are no rules, however, on whether or not you need to speak with her at the wedding if she comes.. you’ll be busy with wedding stuff anyway..
Post # 7
@daniellenshriver: You are going to get many responses that tell you that you must draw a line in the sand and then invite everyone of that arbitrary blood line.
BUT…..no etiquette expert endorses this. Choosing to invite people based on level of closeness is just as (if not more valid, IMO) arbitrary blood level.
Though keep in mind it is possible to be perfectly polite and still upset people.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite her. It might cause a rift, but you need to assert yourself. I won’t put up with anyone being nasty to me, and inviting a nasty person to your wedding is a recipe for disaster. If someone calls you out on it – I would say she’s always been mean, if she apologizes to you before the wedding and amends her behavior, you will reconsider your decision.
Post # 10
Thanks ladies. We’ve decided not to extend an invite to her. 🙂