- 2 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
So, last night I was at a meal with FI’s family and as FI was away from the table I was chatting to his cousin who is his best man. Now we do not have a great history, and for a good seven out of the ten and half years me and FI have been together, we hardly spoke. Anyway we’ve moved on a bit and can tolerate each other now. He started asking me how wedding planning was going and so I said it was all going well, I just really didn’t enjoy making the guest list as it was such a hard process when you are on a budget etc.. (BM was engaged a few years ago to the mother of his child but they have since split and he is single):
BM: You’re probably too nice, You have to be brutal with the guestlist
Me: Well, I am trying to be…
BM: When I was planning my wedding, I had to tell people, like my uncle, he couldn’t bring his kids, and we weren’t going to have kids at the wedding because we can’t afford it.
ME: Exactly! We’re the same, I have too many cousins etc, and its not even the money, its that our venue has a capacity, and we are alredy at that capacity on ou list! And the same for plus ones, we are just going to do living together, engaged or married, or else we would just have too many people
BM: Even that’s too nice, I would say just married or engaged… Anyway I meant to ask you. X (his 5 year old daughter I have met handful of times) has been asking what she is doing in the wedding.
Me: *so confused* um…. what do you mean….?
BM: Ah, well she just keeps asking me what she is doing at the wedding so said I’d ask you
Me: Well… I already have 7 bridesmaids, and like I said i’m not having my own little cousins so… she wont be a bridesmaid?!
BM: No problem, I’ll tell her she is just my plus one
ME *stunned silence*
Did that REALLY just happen?! He seemed to totally understand where I was coming from! I suppose it was too good to be true that he would be insightful in any way but urgh I was put in such an uncomfortable position. All his family sitting around and listening, other children were there who also will not be in attendance and dont know so didnt want to say it then, especially while FI was not there… Urgh
I think the main thing I am dreading is creating a rift again. We hated each other for so long and now kiiind of get on and saying he can’t bring his kid is going to make him mad. The problem is, I hang out with his family all the time, and know the kids etc, of which there are a lot or second and third cousins etc, but they assume i think that I have a small family because they havent met them nor do i really talk so much about them, as they all live in Ireland.
I said to FI maybe we should just have her to shut him up, but FI rightfully said, then what about your cousins etc, and also what about all the other children in his family, they’d all have to be invited. That would be 15 children, and we would have to take 15 adult friends and famly off the list just to accomodate them. Also I was ranting to my sister who said she things the whole convo with him was orchestrated. I think it may have been, his daughter would never ask for me pr about the wedding as I don’t know her. He only sees her every other weekend too so I dont know why their time together would be filled with talk of me…)
BTW, I love children, I work with children and truly believe it is my vocation in life, but we just cannot accomodate them at the wedding. I am going to put this on the invites (I know a lot of the bees think that is terrible ettiquette, but where I live it seems the norm, I’ve had two invites in the past stating it was an adult affair and thought nothing of it) but that wont be for another year or so and I feel so awkward about the whole thing… Should we tell him, tell the whole family now, or leave it to the invites and just hope they still come and don’t throw a fit? My parents had a no child wedding and said my aunts and uncles and cousins were quite happy to have a nice weekend in London without children, but his family all living here may feel like a slight on them…I just feel so torn…
Sorry to rant guys