Post # 1
Hey Hive —
I have an issue. My FI and I are having a small wedding (about 70 people invited), which includes immediate family, aunts/uncles, grandparents, close friends only. FMIL is hosting a big reception in FI’s hometown about six weeks after the event as sort of a compromise because I wanted a small wedding and she wanted a bigger one.
FMIL’s friends are hosting a rather large couples’ shower for us. They’re not invited to the wedding, but they don’t seem to care as they offered to to do it. My mother got wind of this shower and felt guilty that none of my family had offered to do anything all so she dropped some hints (I’m not happy about that btw), and now my cousins (who are close to me but also aren’t invited to the wedding because if we invited one cousin we’d have to invite 50, etc.) are hosting a couples shower for us, too.
Well my aunt, my cousin’s mother, made some snarky comments to my mom about it not being appropriate for my cousin to host the shower. My mom called my cousin to talk to her about it, and said cousin (who has been really understanding about me wanting to have a small wedding) said she is totally on board with the shower and not to worry about what auntie thinks.
Anyway, to make a long post short, I feel weird about this, too, but I’m kind of going along with this for my mom, because I know she just wants my family to recognize our wedding in the same way his family is. Is this one of those situations I should just let all etiquette go out the window? Does it make it somewhat OK that everyone is invited to the reception? Should I keep all other cousins (who aren’t as close to me) off the shower guest list?
Post # 3
Do all the people invited to the shower hosted by the cousin know that some of them won’t be invited to the wedding? If your cousin is hosting a shower for you, she should be invited to the wedding….do you have bridesmaids? are they not throwing you a shower? Also, if your mother wanted you to have a shower, why isn’t she helping with it? It makes sense on your FI’s side, because they will be throwing a separate reception, for them to also throw a shower. I think this whole situation is just confusing to me….so everyone is invited to the reception but not the ceremony? If that is the case, its fine for them to throw a shower…
Post # 4
Let me try to clarify:
About 70 people are invited to the wedding and a small reception in the college town FI and I both went to. It will be a traditional wedding with my parents hosting and FI’s parents doing the RD. His parents have lots of friends and they felt like they couldn’t just pick a handful to invite to a smaller wedding, which is why they are hosting a large reception in FI’s hometown six weeks later. They have graciously decided to invite everyone who is invited to the first as well as all of my cousins (including said hostess) and other friends who aren’t invited to the smaller event.
As for my BMs…one is my 17-year-old sister. The other is my FI’s sister and the other is my best friend who lives half a country away. My mother is helping with the shower financially, but I told her it wasn’t her place to throw a shower for her own daughter. I think my sister will be helping with the shower my cousin is throwing, but as she is only 17, she is very irresponsible and not mature enough to do much.
I know it’s a confusing situation. That’s why I’m coming to you all for advice.