Post # 1
Is there a tactful and proper way to tell someone your kids are not invited? Here’s the situation. We did NOT limit our guest to adults only, but most of the ones with children have opted to not bring them. Only my family has included children in their responses. I have a cousin who I am not close to at all, I sent the invite to her and her husband. I thought she had 2 kids and it wouldn’t be an issue if they brought the family. But, when I was chatting with her through FB to find out if she was coming (never received the RSVP back from them), I noticed that she has like 5 kids!!! Yikes!!! I would need to add an entire extra table just for her family. Not to mention the anticipated headcount of 65 is now already at 85 w/out her brood…. How can I tell her that due to space requirements, I can only accomadate her and her husband when she will clearly see other family members there with their children?
Post # 2
I think this gets touchy when you are, or would, allow some kids and not others. Usually, in this case, it’s a blanket “no kids” rule that you can stick out. Did you invite the kids in the original invite? I.e, was the invitation addressed to “The Smith Family” or “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” ?
If you said the family, you’re stuck with the kids, since you did invite them, regardless of your not knowing how many kids there were. If you just said Mr. and Mrs, you can point out that the invitation was only for her and her husband, and you regret that you cannot accomodate the children.
Post # 3
JiminyCricket: It was addressed to her and her husband only, not the family.
Post # 4
Well, then you can call her and tell her that only she and her husband were invited. However, if there are other children there, she may question that at the actual event, because it looks like favoritism.
Post # 5
Sweetnsassy: There is nothing tactful about what you are trying to do. So I would suggest not doing it unless you are completely OK with looking like a jerk.
I had a situation extremely similar to yours.
My MIL’s adoptive brother’s son had a FI that no one knew about– SHE had three kids.
Obviously the children were not put on the invite– as we didn’t even know they existed.
The RSVP came back with EIGHT when FOUR were included on the invite. I even have a post about it on here– where I was clearly not happy (this was before my wedding)– I was really stressed with health issues and multiple DRs appointments, sick the week before the wedding AND they were the VERY last RSVP to trickle in– 2 weeks before the wedding. It mean we had to add a table as well.
Thankfully, my venue worked miracles with me and handled it better than I ever could have expected.
While I haven’t read my post lately, I’m pretty sure I was throwing a stink LOL.
My mom told me that I there was no way I could just oust these kids. And she was right, in retrospect. It would have been tacky– which is the opposite of tactful, in my book.
If you don’t care enough about this cousin– you shouldn’t have invited them at all. I understand it’s a dilemma, but you just can’t do that without looking like an ass.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
My bridesmaid has 5 children, and i just hope she doesn’t bring them. But if she does, i’ll have to get over it.
Post # 7
Sweetnsassy: Who did you actually invite? If your invitation specifically named only the adults, then you just clarify the “misunderstanding” if she RSVP’s for more. If you invited the adults “and family” then you can’t change your mind and rescind your invitation now without being incredibly rude and offensive.
If you are allowing other family to bring their children, I can’t see how you can legitimately and randomly decide this family can’t. You said many people are choosing to leave their kids at home so these kids coming shouldn’t be a problem.
It kind of sounds like your invitations were vague and that’s on you. Even if they were specific but you are allowing other family to RSVP with their uninvited kids, I don’t see how you can single out this family without causing offense.
Post # 8
You would need to add an extra table because of three people? There is no polite way to uninvite her kids. I would just deal with the three extra kids.
Post # 9
Ok, some clarification. For my brothers, I invited “Smith Family” and FDIL “Jones Family” they are bringing their kids. For non immediate family, I invited couples only. I did not specify on the invite that it was adults only though. So basically, if the family was invited, the invitiation was addressed to the family, if the couple or individual was invited, it was addressed to them specifically and a guest if they were single. Everyone except my cousin has responded according to the addressed envelope. Am I still and ass?
Post # 10
Sweetnsassy: if you only specified the couple and they add the kids than I would call and explain that it was only addressed to the couple and you hope they can still make it.
Has she actually RSVPed?
Post # 11
do you have other cousins bringing kids?
We have a blanket no kids rule (other than our neice and nephew) invites were adressed to Mr and Mrs Lastname – pretty much most of the people invited who have kids have asked us – are the kids invited – we have polietly said no im afraid its adults only during the day events but children are welcome in the evening
i think if you invited just the couple then theres no reason you cant say im sorry you misunderstood
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Sweetnsassy: If it was only addressed to them, then only they are invited.
Post # 13
I don’t believe in “all or nothing” kid rules. It’s your wedding, you can invite whoever you want. And inviting kids of immediate family members (i.e. nieces and nephews) but not other kids seems more than reasonable to me. I’m still confused though – has she actually told you whether she is bringing her kids? That wasn’t clear from your original post.
Post # 14
goblueca: Yes, I got an email yesterday that they are planning on bringing the kids.
Post # 15
We are only inviting kids that we are related to, so siblings kids or cousins kids (everyone else is gornw). Most of my friends will consider the wedding an adult-only event to have a night away, so I don’t feel bad about it. I am planning on putting something like this on the invitation:
We have reserved ___ seats in your honor
…to curb people bringing more than what is on the invitation.